Hi! I'm back home now. I got home lastnight around 6 and I am doing very well. I have been walking around just fine, and I can go up stairs and dress myself and I can get up and down and I can lay on my side and everything. They had to cut vertically instead of horizontally and the cyst was even bigger than they had thought. They cut vertically then because it was so large and the dr. said it was "bloody." Sorry if that grosses you out :)

The worst time was yesterday morning. I was totally out of it and in quite a bit of pain, but by the afternoon I was wonderful. Winey called and I barely remember it! Sarah C. visited, and that was really nice. The nurses were all pretty nice but also pretty annoying...and they were the main reason I wanted to come home. They woke me up at 5 am to take blood. Bunch of nutsos.

So this one crazy nurse took my catheter out and I told her I had to get up to pee. I hadn't been out of bed yet, I'd been laying there for a good 24 hours. She told me there was no way I had to go because she had just took the catheter out, but I insisted...I swear I was about ready to pee the bed! But she insisted over and over that I didn't have to go! It was frustrating. So finally I just got up anyway, peed like a gallon of water and felt just fine after that. So that was the only trouble I had, really.

It feels good to stand up and walk. I took my bandages off and I look a bit like Frankenstein. They put me back together with staples. Ew... I go in Monday again to get them out. I told Vicki Wilson through email that it shouldn't interfere too much with my two-piece bathing suit in New Zealand (the cut is about an inch below my belly button and goes down about 6 inches). She was glad to hear it and said that maybe I could get a "complementary tattoo" to make it look better! Hahaha. (Vicki is a professor of mine). The Maori people like tattoos.

John is coming over tonight and we have the house to ourselves, plus Charlie, Mozie, and my aunt's dog, Ashley. It should be a good time. If you're around, you should stop and see us!

Sigh. So much to do! Travel agent, bank stuff, etc. etc...but it's been the weekend and surgery is Monday (tomorrow). It's really inconvenient to have surgery on a Monday. I have a lot of things to do. Trying not to think about all that.

My old youth pastor called tonight. That was super nice, and we prayed together on the phone. I love praying on the phone. It's so cool that I've had so many people praying for me this whole time because I totally feel it...just an inner peace you know? And no, it's not just the EXTRA inner PIECE inside of me (Mr. Furby). hahaha.

I feel like griping a lot. I keep erasing what I write because it's a lot of complaining. I'm not a negative thinker...it just so happens that this is a great place to let it all out. :)

I've decided that when I get a snake I am going to name her Melusina, after the mythical Fairy Melusina, a creature that was a woman most of the time but turned into a half-serpent on Saturdays. I think that sounds very interesting.

I also think my next cat will be named after a writer. I've had an artist (Toulouse), a composer (Mozart) and next I think I'll choose a writer. It all depends on what the cat looks and acts like, of course, but I think it'd be neat if it was a black cat or something and I named him "Eddie" after Edgar Allan Poe. Ooooooooooooooh. Or, if it was a girl kitty, I could name her "Jane" after Jane Austen. Orrrr I could name a cat after a Shakespeare character, like Desdemona.

Choosing names is a very, very important thing and should be taken VERY seriously.

Well, I have to be at the ol' hospital at 6:30 am tomorrow!! Happy Surgery Day! Every morning I've woken up lately, thinking, "Oh my goodness, is this the day I have surgery?!" And I start to panic. But tomorrow is the day. The big day. The day of the surgery that I don't know what will happen or what exactly they will end up doing. It's got all the suspense of a "Choose Your Own Ending" mystery. So...I won't be writing for a while. I'll be in the hospital a few days, and I'll probably be back home New Year's Eve. John is babysitting me on New Year's Eve. :) It's going to be the best New Year's Eve ever...I'll fall asleep at 8...I'll be drugged up on Vicodin....maybe we can make this a tradition!

I'm just glad there won't be saurkraut.

Eck!!!!

Well, Christmas was basically the same as always, except this year I received more money than gifts, which was a good thing for my current situation. I opened a new checking account today, too, which was certainly needed. My mom and I just got back from the mall, where if you know me, you know that I was most definitely taking advantage of the sale at Victoria's Secret. I searched a bit for summery teacher clothes, but no luck there. I really wanted to buy this excellent strapless bra sort of thing that would have been fabulous to wear with my black dress, but it cost 88 dollars. Yeah. So, sorry to talk about bras, guys who might be reading this, but you should know how much you save on not buying them (which leaves you more money to spend on us girls, eh?). :)

I spent the night lastnight with my dad at my grandma's house. My Grandma and great Aunt Mary moved in with my Aunt Chris about two years ago from Pennsylvania. The visit was quite an experience. My Grandma's memory is lost back in 1992 and she still thinks I'm about 9 years old. Everytime I tell her I'm in college she cries and tells me how proud she is. It's a recurring "surprise" and it always provides for something new to talk about. My Grandma and Aunt Mary left to go to the movies with my cousin Aimee, and my dad and I broke a lot of rules. We let the outside cat in the house and played with him for about an hour and fed him trail bologna. And we turned the heat up from 62 to 68. The cat provided much entertainment (he can CATCH trail bologna in his paws!) and it was like, 2 degrees outside lastnight. Poor kitty. We put him back out of course, and all was well. He was still alive in the morning.

My Grandma always tells me to use the "potty chair" in her room (you know the kind the youthfully challenged and people with disabilities use) if I have to go to the bathroom at night. That is really, really weird, and there's another really, really weird experience with the potty chair that I'll tell those of you who really wish to know.

My Grandma also always introduces me to my cousin, my uncle, and so on, just to make sure I know them. It really kind of makes for an uncomfortable situation because then of course, we say that we do know each other and my poor Grandma is reminded that she's lost her mind, and that probably makes her sad. But only for a moment...because after a moment, she forgets that she's lost her mind until the next time she's reminded, and the process repeats itself. She only knows that she has Alzheimer's for a second or two, and then...she forgets. So, it's really not so bad for her I guess.

Grandma and Aunt Mary will also never let my dad and I help with anything. I washed the dishes this morning and I thought my Aunt Mary might tackle me. And she could, too. She is a mean, green, fighting machine. :)

Grandma and Aunt Mary also think that all people in the house must be eating at all times and they get upset if you don't eat. Lastnight, I ate five cookies when I was already full, a huge apple, a piece of chicken, about 10 pieces of cheese (even though I really should NOT be eating cheese), about 8 pieces of trail bologna and probably about 10 crackers...all of that on a completely full stomach, leaving me no hope for the next few days and my poor little Furby that is now all crunched up in my tummy with a bunch of food that cannot escape. But I swear if I hadn't accepted what I did to eat, they would have attacked with their little old lady persistence. And that is the worst sort of attack mode in the world.

I love my Grandma and Aunt Mary to pieces, and while I love that they are nearby and I love being able to spend time with them, it is an interesting and challenging experience.

Tomorrow John is in his friend's wedding and I think I'm just going to the reception. I'm excited because I get to dress up. It's too bad my flouncy black dress won't get to dance ;-)

Funny Story!!!!

...stupid man behind me today in the big blue new family van because he was going 75 miles per hour in a 35 and I pulled out in front of him and was going 55 so he got all ticked off and rode my tail like nobody's business so I slammed on my breaks and he almost hit me! I wish he would have! I would have sued his butt for being a JERK! He tried to pass me IN TOWN! And on a bridge! When there were like 3 cars coming! Hahahahaha but I wouldn't let him! Ohhh no. I went just fast enough so he couldn't pass, and I looked in my rear view mirror the WHOLE time, and LAUGHED at him and he was yelling at me and flipping me off and I LOVED IT. So there! He should be happy I saved him from getting a ticket (or killing someone). What a jerk. There's no reason to be going 75 miles per hour in a 35. That's just not right.


Don't mess with me :-)

Update!

The foreign object inside of me is a tumor the size of a small grapefruit or a rather large orange that is attached to my ovary. My surgery is...I don't know when yet, but they will use a scope to check it out and if it looks "good" (non-cancerous, nice and smooth and shiny), they will do a bikini-cut (horizontal), and if it looks nasty, like all gooey and hairy and stuff, they will do a vertical cut, which takes longer to heal and is all ugly and nasty and I will never want to wear a two-piece again (and we all know how I HAVE to wear two pieces).

My last day of work is next Saturday, the 27th, and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, my surgery with be the 29th. I REALLY hope it's the 29th because I want to be definitely completely healed by the time I go to New Zealand. I'll be in the hospital probably 2 nights, maybe only one, but possibly as many as three. I hope I sleep well in the hospital. I think I'll stay there as long as possible if I sleep well there because my siblings (and my parents) are so gosh-awful loud in the mornings (God bless 'em). And maybe they'll give me a couple extra doses of Vicodin in the hospital. Hopefully I won't get addicted to it again.

So the doctor said that sometimes these cysts can have hair and teeth and stuff. My mom and I joke about how I have a "Furby" growing inside of me and how in the world I will explain to John how it got there...

I swear I didn't sleep with Chewbacca!



It's funny! Laugh!

Okay, so short version of Chicago is first and longer version is second, plus some other stuff. Shwew. Sorry...

Too much to write about!!! Read what you want...

CHICAGO

John and I arrived in Chicago right on time, but we were a little late coming back. We missed our flight because SOMEONE (okay, it was me) forgot to turn the alarm on. It was just one of my ways of trying to find John's "angry" side. Close, but no cigar. He may have been a little flustered, but he wasn't mad at me. :-D (It was really just an accident...I didn't mean to.)

The highlight of our trip was the L-Train. All I could think about was how cool it was that that scene from "Save the Last Dance" was on the L...John and I, fortunately, resisted making out in public, and...he's not black, so we didn't get any awkward stares. I think I'm the only person on the L that stared at people. I have a bit of a staring problem. People just fascinate me, that's all.

We also went to the Chicago Art Institute, Shedd Aquarium, this crazy awesome mall, the "Magnificent Mile" and we ate a bunch of places, including Chicago's "best pizza" place, Gino's East (or something like that). Kendra, your hometown's pizza is better. Amazing. We ordered room service once, we took some taxis, and John could have bought a car twice as nice as the one I drive for all the money he spent. We spent a lot of time at Border's (thank you God, for giving me a boyfriend that likes bookstores...I LOVE sitting in bookstores and drinking coffee...it's one of the best things in the world...it WOULD be the best thing in the world if they had cats...but then John wouldn't like it...but I could go without him and there would be cats there so it wouldn't matter! Hahaha) and Starbucks, drinking cappucino (me) and lattes (John...or something latte-ish, who knows). I bought some books, a CD, a hat, and we went to an awful pet store down town where we witnessed a rat being eaten by another rat and a poor, poor, baby snake dying because they were feeding him millipedes. Millipedes! Poor snakey.

The first night, we went to see The Blue Man Group. Very interesting. You should see it the next time you're in Chicago, New York, or Boston. It's a little "different" so be prepared.

MY FIRST SWIM MEET

...was cancelled because the officials didn't show up. But I got to see John with his swimmers which was cool and now I am sure that it's not all a figment of his imagination.

MY FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK

...was today. And they threw me on register and left me all alone...I knew nothing about sales or promos or what was on package sale and all the customers thought I was an idiot and the managers thought I was incompetent. Blast it all.

EXERCISE AND OTHER HEALTH TOPICS

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow that will be absolutely horrible and I am horrified that I have to go, but of course, since there's a foreign object growing in my body (that isn't a baby, mind you), it must be checked out. Sigh. How awful.

I elipticalled 3 miles today and did lunges and lifted and all that jazz! AND since I've been taking Prilosec, I've been able to eat whatever I want (except dairy)!!!! Praise God for making Prilosec.

Happpppy Holidays!

Tomorrow is my last day really at Muskingum College as a class-taking machine and with all my Muskies as a normal, full-time student, so to speak, and I would just like to use this quote/poem thing, that I don't know who wrote, but totally, totally summarizes my college experience on things that I have learned about people, about strength, about love, about friendship, about life, and of course, perhaps most importantly, about learning. I've learned so much about what I have to learn and what I don't know. And that no matter how far I've come, I'll always have further to go...but what is important is the present and enjoying today, living each day one day at a time and taking joy in its pleasures...every single one.


"After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong...
and you really do have worth...
and you learn,
and you learn..."

I posted yesterday and it didn't work!

Every once in awhile, I repeat in my head, "I am having an operation." It seems weird. "I am having an operation." IV's, anesthesia, drowsiness, pain, nervousness, fear, prescriptions, vicodin...This stuff usually happens to other people. Not me.

"I am going to Chicago on Saturday." Wow. That's weird. I can't imagine being there. "I am going to fly on a real plane for the first time on Saturday." Hmm. Nice! I'm excited. Strange. That sort of thing I never do. Other people do that sort of stuff. Not me.

"I am going to New Zealand in a month." Whoa. Isn't that weird? I certainly can't imagine it. "I will be teaching, I will be visiting Sydney, I will be riding a bike to work, I will fall asleep to the sounds of the ocean, I will meet a woman I've never met before and I will live in her home, I will be away from everything and everyone I know for three months..." Funny how strange that is. I'm not supposed to do that sort of thing. Other people are. Not me.

So there's a lot of things coming up in the next month, wouldn't you say? Things that I can't really imagine happening but inevitably will happen. Crazy. Things that aren't supposed to happen to me, but they are. I feel like...I'm living someone else's life, you know? Or watching a movie. Or the main character of a book. Strange.

Well, I went to the doctor today and it turns out that I have a "pelvic mass" and that I have to go back to the doctor next Friday for more tests and to arrange to have it removed surgically. This will involve a big old slit right down my lower abdomen. Yuck. No more two pieces for me. It will look like I had a C-section. :)

EVERYONE in the doctor's office was pregnant. A woman even asked me if I was pregnant! Ha!!

"Well, I do have SOMETHING growing inside of me, but it sure ain't a baby!"

The doctor was really nice, and I recommend her to anyone in the Orrville area. Amelia. Isn't that a nice ob/gyn doctor name? I think she's from Africa. She sounds African (and well, she looks African, too).

I talked to her for like, five minutes, she felt my stomach, and voila! I was done! And then I had to get MORE blood work! I'm so sick of needles...already...! But, I'm getting used to it. My pain tolerance is growing. Good thing. Definitely a good thing.

E-mail from Brigitte!

"The beach is so close that it will take you 60 seconds to walk to.
You can only see a little because of the sand dunes and the neighbours.But u can hear it at night easily and smell it."

I also found out what my address and phone number will be. I will give it to those who are interested, as I don't want to post it on the internet, you know.

And I will have the internet where I'm staying so I can talk to all of you! But...I'll update you on all the info later you know.

Funny Story

So I was walking down the stairs of Montgomery Hall today and a couple people in front of me, there are two very professional looking professors going down the stairs as well, having a polite conversation. The woman turns to the man, and asks, "Do you have a false nipple?"

Whaaaaaat?!!!

I instantly do a double take, thinking a student must have said that. But no, it was the professor. Then she goes on about schedules...and I realized that she had actually said, "Do you have a fall schedule?"

That's the sort of thing that happens when you have a hat and a hood over your ears. Haha.

Now, children, let's put on our BEST Arnold Schwarzennegar voices and say it together,

"IT'S NOT A TUMA!"

It's not a tumor! It's not. It's a growth. In my uterus. But...it's okay. Because apparently, that's really no big deal at all. And eventually, it'll go away or they'll take it out, which I'm excited for because I think it's making me hurt. Hopefully that's all that will happen. I'll find out more on Monday. Pray for me until then, though.

Guess what I just discovered? When I hit my lamp with my Nalgene bottle lid, it sounds like a real, live church bell. Or school bell. Same thing in the old days. It's really cool. Oh look! It's two o'clock! DING! DING! I can ding it whenever I want to.

Well, it's Wednesday and I have my papers almost done that are due Friday! I never thought it'd happen, but it did! I feel like such a warrior. A knightess? A childe, like "Childe Roland."

"Thus I had so long suffered in this quest,
Heard failure prophesied so oft, been writ
So many times among "The Band" - to wit,
The knights who to the Dark Tower's search addressed
Their steps - that just to fail as they, seemed best,
And all the doubt was now - would I be fit?" (ll. 37-42)

Childes these days, eh? They just never know when to quit.

So, right now I'm sitting here drinking orange flavored tanning lotion. It's actually required that I drink a gallon of it. Okay, so it's not tanning lotion, it's barium sulfate, but it really tastes like tanning lotion. I almost puke every gulp I take. I'm around the middle of my second bottle and I have to drink another one at 9:30. It's 9:05 right now. Oh geez, it's so gross.

At 10:00 I'm getting an ultrasound, and that's why I'm drinking BS. Hahaha. Get it, BS? It is BS, actually. Why not just put a tube down my throat and put it in my system that way?? I'm chasing each shot with some cranberry juice. Interesting combination. I hate fruit flavored stuff, especially orange...like orange tea and things. Orange candy is good, but not orange tea. And not orange barium sulfate! Ew I just burped. That was gross. Now I'm towards the end and this is the part where I start to get sick.

Oh dear...


So, I am not getting an ultrasound to see a baby, I'm getting it just to see inside my tummy, intestines, uterus, you know, stuff like that. I saw my mom get an ultrasound so I think I know what to expect.

Okay, well I'm off now...to the doctor and such. Stay tuned...

Happy Thanksgiving!

I spent today in the emergency room. Fun times getting blood taken and walking around in a rather revealing robe. For the past two days my stomach has hurt so badly that I can't even stand...so I was forbidden to eat today and tomorrow. But...I cheated...I ate noodles, pumpkin pie, and my yummy oreo/reese's/cream cheese/pudding dessert. Just the necessities, you know. I have lost a total of 8 pounds since last week. My ribs stick out funny and I can't lean with my elbows on my knees because my bones are too bony.

Anyway, I'm fine now, nothing serious. No worries. Some interesting facts about my host in New Zealand:

1. She has a cat.

I fail to remember any more right now. I'll come back to that later.

Since I know none of you watched the Kansas v. Michigan State game lastnight, let me just tell you...

Michigan State, who is (WAS) ranked number 4 (although I have no idea why) had like, 297 turnovers and looked pretty...shabby, to say the least, at least compared to KANSAS who rocked the house (ah-hem, gymnasium?). Although KS lost two of their best players, they've gained an awesome freshman, a guy who was injured last year (Simein), and this little guy, who just totally stepped up. AND KS also lost their coach (who now coaches NC, who are doing well, also) but now they have a coach who seems good enough to me, considering KS led the entire game, at one point being SEVENTEEN points ahead. I can't even really remember what the final score was now...it's not that important...I think 76-70.

Sorry. I know since mostly girls read this you all probably just skipped all that. I was a bit sick today. Once in a while my intestines just get twisted. I hope you aren't eating right now :) And, I'm spending the day reading The Winter's Tale and The Tempest. The Winter's Tale was actually really good and I think Disney should do their next animated picture on it. It's really similar to Sleeping Beauty, and Disney could use a good romance these days. ;-) A lot of Shakespeare fans would be pissed if Disney tried to recreate it, but...who cares.

Well, I'm out. Peace to you all and to all a good night!

I haven't really had anything to write about, oddly enough. I've just been kinda hangin out...writing units and avoiding writing papers and reading a book that makes me feel like being mean to everyone. Sometimes I get into characters a little too much. This is why I should only read books like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

Kansas plays Michigan State tonight, so I'm going to drive up to John's and watch that with him and Chris and then they'll leave for New Hampshire (I just typed "Hampshirt") to visit John's dad and that side of the family and I'll drive home to visit...MY FAMILY! I guess I sorta know the agenda my mother has planned for me, but I'm unsure of what's happening on my dad's side. I'm a little disappointed that I haven't seen my grandmother much or my sister, but somehow I don't think it's all my fault...maybe 50% but not totally. Anyway, it still makes me feel like a horrible person since I haven't seen Colleen since oh, like, July, maybe? Perhaps June, even. That's really stupid, isn't it? Stupid of me. Her mom just had twins! Nathaniel and Sarah. I wish I could see them :-( But what sucks about step-families and divorced ex-stepmoms is that, it's like, "Oh, sorry, we just divorced YOU too." And, truth be told, I miss them.

I got my placement lady today. Her name is Brigitte Hoskins and I hope she's nice because I'm living with her for about two and half months. :) I'm sure she is. I don't know if she's married or has kids or anything, they just said "Brigitte Hoskins." Maybe in New Zealand they don't say things like "The Hoskins Family." Hehehe. Well, you never know.

GoOdByE!!!! Happy Thanksgiving!!!

The nice thing about being an education major is that one can use lessons and papers several times instead of always starting from scratch. I'm sure this occurs less often with, say, history majors, as it might be difficult to use your research and your paper on the Incas for an African history class. Now don't get me wrong, I do have a crapload of work to do (it's for my English classes, mostly, however), but it's nice that I can do my unit for the Arts in Early Childhood (Ed. 315) on snakes and my unit in Math and Science in Early Childhood (Ed. 363) on, what else, snakes. So I have the opportunity to add extras, like a bibliography, making me look like an overacheiver, but really I can include extras (like a bibliography) because I had to do it for my 363 class anyway.

The difficult thing about my English classes is that I'm in these upper level things where we don't read the normal, mainstream classics (think Jane Austen), but weird books that aren't even on Sparknotes.com and no one in the history of man has ever written papers on. But the NICE thing about education is that, thanks to the internet and other teacher resources, there's a million and a half lesson plans for all my lesson plan needs.

I wonder, if I hadn't picked up an English minor, would I enjoy an easy, relaxed life, or would I be bored? I'd probably be bored...but less stressed, for sure.

Math and Science night is tonight. We're doing an experiment involving toy cars and paint. Fun :) If you read this in time, stop on over at Montgomery Hall...all are welcome. I don't remember what time it starts. Just come at 6 and you'll be safe.

Well here I am in the TOC on the computers there because my internet does not work. Figure that out sometime later. Anyway, I originally came up here to study because I have such an amazing amount of work to do and I have no idea how I will ever finish it all. But it turns out that most college students are inconsiderate (go figure) and like to sit 25 feet away from each other and converse that way, which means...loudly...as if they can't sit any closer than that...while I am obviously trying to concentrate and Rachel is so obviously sleeping right near me. How rude. It normally wouldn't bother me that much but this book, Trainspotting, which is what I was trying to read is a very angry, angry, angry book so it's making me want to scream at these girls. :) It turns out also that most college girls are quite loud, especially when they talk on the phone...

EXCITEMENT BUILDS AS AIRLINE TICKETS ARE PURCHASED

Yippee! We booked our flights! I'll leave from Cleveland at 3:30 on January 20th, fly to Chicago, then San Francisco, and then...Sydney! I haven't gotten a flight from Sydney to Auckland or Auckland to Whakatane yet, but that'll get taken care of and those flights shouldn't be too expensive. My ticket was $1579.20 and $1703.40 with tax, but it turns out that (I think) my student loans and such will cover that. Yay for me, ay mates? I would tell you how long the flight is but I don't really understand it all with times changing and all that. I do know that on the way back from Sydney to San Francisco, I'll leave Australia at 1:45 pm on Thursday and won't arrive in California until (yaaaawn....) hmmm...10:05 am on Thursday. Sweet. Time travel. Maybe I could just go back and forth my whole life and live every day of my life twice. :)

Well, I tried to figure out how long it will take to get to Sydney just now and I'm estimating it's about 900 million hours. Maybe I'll stop trying to figure it out and just...wing it. No pun intended!

Why is it that I am so easily dejected and so easily elevated? One simple sentence can ruin my day while another sentence can make it so much better...sentences of people, just people, or situations around me...situations that are worthless to worry about, tiny and insignificant. Most humans are this way, but for some reason I have an extra dose of some sort of formula that causes my moods to fluctuate here and there, up and down, up and down...and you know, I could easily blame my seratonin, my dopamine, and other biological factors but no, I don't think that's logical, ironically enough.

Why? Because Jesus Christ is constant...he never backs away or draws nearer...he is always as close as he can get to me...and most times, the times my moods shift up and down, up and down, are because I am relying on external things, just things that really don't matter and I'm not relying on, not focusing on Him. A lot of people say things like "God doesn't drift away from us, we drift away from Him." I don't think there's a Bible verse to support that. So, what I think is that God is always as close as he can possibly get (right inside us), and when I'm being an idiot or a jerk about something, it's not because I've "drifted" from God...(God never changes, he never leaves us or forsakes us) it's because I'm allowing external things get to me or relying on external, unreliable things (idolatry, in a sense).

Thanks for listening to me make sense of myself.

I think it's safe to say that Sylvia Plath and Robert Browning are my favorite poets. I'm writing a paper about Robert Browning (it's a lot more complicated than that but I won't bore you) so I printed out about 30 of his poems, which I get to analyze. I don't like analyzing poetry, but I do really enjoy his.


"I have but to be by thee, and thy hand
Would never let mine go, thy heart withstand
The beating of my heart to reach its place.
When should I look for thee and feel thee gone?
When cry for the old comfort and find none?
Never, I know! Thy soul is in thy face."

Isn't that beautiful? I love it.

Anyway, I've had a pretty eventful weekend, including watching a New Zealand video with my future New Zealand "mates" and celebrating Tyler's 7th birthday. The rest of the time I sat here at my desk and wrote papers. Today I get to write more papers and my unit, read Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh (don't read it) and A Winter's Tale by Shakespeare. I've never seen the f-word so much in my life as I have in Trainspotting. It's certainly not the most uplifting of novels. And the whole thing is written in a British accent, i.e.; "Nae offence meant, pal. Jist some ay they young [people] in the scheme huv been tryin tae make this thir...shootin gallery. We're no intae that."

The one guy even digs in a nasty old toilet full of crap in order to get his opium pills that he dropped in it. Sick. And this book is a classic? The back of the book says it "deserves to sell more copies than the Bible." Hmm. Maybe not.

Well, I have to walk clear over to the other side of the campus in order to meet some others to drive to church. Sigh. I hate living over here. Just kidding! Positive attitude, Amanda. I'm sorry, thanks for reminding me. I love going to church above everything else, so I'm glad I have a ride. And people think it's crazy to go every Sunday. Sundays need to occur more often, actually. It's my favorite day of the week.

Have a happy Sunday :)

Average Ohio Temperatures in January and February: 30-45 degrees F
Average Whakatane, New Zealand Temperatures in January and February: 65-75 degrees F
Average number of days with precipitation in Whakatane, NZ in January and February: 7 (rain, not snow!)
Things to do in and around Whakatane NZ: hiking, bungee jumping, skydiving, flightseeing, swimming with dolphins, visiting volcanoes, climbing...
Other places I'll most likely visit: Sydney and Fiji
How much I am excited: A lot!

Haaaa!!! I made it so that my Google webpage's icons are written in Pig Latin! It's the funniest flippin' thing in the world, I tell you!

It says, and I quote, "Earchedsay ethay ebway orfay..."

This, for some reason, just makes my day. I'm thankful that Mr. (or Ms.) Google has a sense of humor.

Top Five Breakfast Foods

1. Bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from McDonald's
2. Sausage gravy and biscuits
3. Blueberry waffles
4. Country scramble
5. Buttermilk pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon

Mmmm! Isn't breakfast food yummmmmmy!?

Top Five Jobs I'd Like to Have

1. World Wide Restaurant Critic
2. World Wide Hotel Critic
3. Writer or Editor for World Wide Travel Guides, Magazines, etc.
or writer for Family Fun Magazine, the person who writes where you should take your family, or just you and your spouse, on vacation
4. Wife of a writer or editor or restaurant critic or hotel critic or missionary or youth leader or...anyone who travels a lot (then he could do the work and I could sit back and enjoy myself).
5. Student teacher evaluator that evaluates students who decide to do global student teaching

Anyway, you get the idea!

"Don't wanna be a working stiff
Lose my identity
'Cause when it comes
To working 9 to 5
There ain't no place for me
Ain't my reality to me."

-The Ramones

See,the thing about these online diaries is that they're really not online diaries because if they were, I would be the only one to read mine and I'd write whatever I wanted to inside. And I certainly can't write what I want, now can I? Not always.

So, I'll write about New Zealand then I guess.

I received more information the other day. I'll be at the Apanui school in Whakatane, New Zealand, which is in the Bay of Plenty. It is one of the three sunniest places in New Zealand. It looks pretty homey and settled. My mother will also be ecstatic to hear that it has New Zealand's only active volcano, which I will be able to visit. I've never seen a volcano. I saw a few churches are there that I think I'll like, one is even Baptist and another non-denominational, which both sound rather promising...not that denominations matter so much, but my other choices are Latter-Day Saints, Jehovah's Witnesses and such...I could visit the Catholic church, too, I suppose, a time or two...then maybe I can write to Dr. Nutt about the cultural experience. I wonder if mass is the same as it is every Sunday at St. Agnes in Orrville. I've never been to a Catholic church without Father Wysocki. Hmm. Maybe they'll let me burn the incense...I'll make hearts with the smoke...and sing, "Light the Fire." Or not. There's a pretty nice skate park there. I'll have to have Drew come over for a visit. :)

Anyway, if you want to visit a website of Whakatane, here is a link:

"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." -Colossians 3:14

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart..." -Colossians 3:23

I've come to a conclusion. I'm not crazy, but most everyone else is. I concluded this after reading everyone else's online diaries. Thank you friends, for the insights. You're all a bunch of nutcases.

:)

Anywhere, anywhere, anywhere, but here, but here, but here.

Identity versus Identity Confusion

I think I may have cheated myself out of never having a certain phase...

You see, we're reading the book High Fidelity by Nick Hornby in my Contemporary Brit. Lit. class. Two of the girls in there, and two of the (well, the only) guys are just really sort of...cool. They don't care what people think of them...they wear funny clothes (old corduroys, thermal shirts under silky tops, etc.), they read novels no one has heard of and listen to music no one knows. There are posters on their walls of bands that are only for those who are faithfully hardcore, they have CD's like nothing else, records too, even. They wear Pumas and sometimes even velcro(tm) shoes.

I'll have you know...I don't own a single CD here at school. Not one, and I don't intend to because I like to save my money for things like clothes and highlighting my hair. I hate corduroys and always have, always will. I hate thermal anything, too. I don't seem to have the time or energy to search for lesser-known bands and I certainly don't have the time to sit and force myself to like them. I don't have a CD player or anything of that sort, so when I want to listen to music, I listen to VH1, MTV, or CMT. Therefore, the songs I am most familiar with are by Matchbox 20, Christina Aguilera, and Martina McBride, and whatever else is popular. So, I am just this normal, people-pleasing, education major with no real hobby...I don't have a clue what music I even really, really like. When with John, I listen to Dave Matthews because he listens to it, and it's so-so. When with Lindsay, I listen to country and of course her Tim-influenced music (Weezer, for example) and I like that, but I listen to it because she does. I really don't have a favorite radio station (I actually sort of hate them all) and I really don't have a favorite music artist or band. Heck, I don't even like The Matrix. I don't even like ER!

So basically, I'm a loser, and I think those people in my lit. class make my fun of me every day. I know that I'm the kind of person people like that find annoying and unoriginal. But, I guess it's okay. My number one passion is God and he's so high above everything else...I like that, and it works for me.

But I wish that when I was around 16/17 or so that I would have went through that "cool" phase. I should have gotten tips from Winey and Jeff or something. I would have made an adorable little punk girl. ;-)

Top Fifteen Favorite Books/Stories of All Time

1. Turn of the Screw by Henry James
2. The Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allan Poe
3. Possession by A.S. Byatt
4. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
5. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
6. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
7. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
8. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
9. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
10. Frank Was a Monster Who Wanted to Dance by Keith Graves
11. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
12. Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree
13. Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
15. Amelia’s Nine Lives by Lorna Balian

Well, John broke out the big guns lastnight and totally surprised me (!!!) by driving the hour and a half that it takes to get here, took me out to eat, to the mall, and even brought roses. What a sweetie :) I'm thinking I'll keep him around a while. So here I was, talking to him on the phone lastnight at 5:30 and then he comes right through the door. Whatta shocker. I figured there was no way he would be able surprise me without me catching on, but I was wrong. Sorry I underestimated ya, pal :) I'll have to keep a closer eye on him from now on...

So my birthday ended up being a great one, and it won't end until our lovely trip to Chicago in December. I'm just a little bit excited :-D

Meanwhile, I've been reading Joshua because it's such a great "coming of age" book, really...be strong, be courageous, remember what God has done for you, meditate on his word, act on his promises, receive and baske in his blessings. Mmmmh. Doesn't that sound wonderful? It sounds more wonderful than the brownie sundae I couldn't eat for free at Garfield's lastnight. ::sigh:: I'm dealing with some chocolate cravings lately...sorry :)

Have a great day!!!

Well, it's that time of year again...the time where I get to thank my mother...

...for bringing me into the world
...for being my very best friend
...for always understanding
...for being so dedicated
...for being so devoted
...for being so unselfish and giving
...for being my protector
...for being my comforter
...for being so huggable
...for being so beautiful
...for being so forgiving of all the pain I put her through 22 years ago today at Dunlap Memorial Hospital in Orrville, Ohio.

This day isn't just mine, it's also yours. 22 years ago today you gave up yourself and ever since, you've been giving and giving and giving. So today I celebrate not just me, but the woman who made me possible.

Thanks, Mom. I love you.

Squares

Separate,
Breaking apart but not
Tearing.
Overlapping, sometimes
Colliding.
Obvious differences
Spoken, revealed.
Shifting, shoving, and
Pushing away.
Hiding, shrinking, hoping
Not to be seen. Not to speak.
Dramatizing, living in
Lights.
Watch me.
Watch me.
Watch me.
Learning to fade,
Beginning to whither.
Shining on, lackluster.

Well, it was a great day, although my walk was unsuccessful due to pesky little beetles crawling on me. But...I visited Chrystal, I got some work done, I got a headache and took a nap because of it, I spent tremendous amounts of time online looking at Chicago stuff to do with John, I ate, I watched some marathon with Lindsay and Kari on weddings gone bad, and now I'm going to Total Praise. I also went a new church this morning. It was great. The pastor talked about Haiti :) Well, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times...I miss it there. Every time people talk about it I think about the money I have in my pocket, purse, whatever, and what it could buy there...it reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for...it keeps me in check, too. But the people in Haiti are lucky not to have all the distractions we have. But we're lucky to have food. And power. And things like ice cream, ice, cold apple juice, and fresh meat. They do have sugar cane...mmmh The kids' teeth are white because they've never eaten candy (unless it was given to them by "blancs") but their hair is orange and their eyes are yellow from malnutrition, and their bodies tend to be bitten all over by...I don't know what. Sad. But...most of them are happy. But...some are so sick they can hardly move.

Okay, sorry...I just have to reminisce once in a while :)

God's way of humbling me this time:

Realizing I'm not "the princess."
Realizing the world doesn't revolve around me.

People who think like that are jerks!

This is a long one. Read what you will, the choice is yours...


The School-Agers

For those of you who do not know, I work in a day-care center, most specifically the after-school program for two hours every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The children, as many of you know, were absolutely impossible to control at the beginning of the semester. They have calmed down since then. However, the past two days have been abnormally awful. Perhaps a storm or earthquake is coming. I did not get the F word thrown at me, or a desk, however, which are all positive signs and better than the first weeks of school. This one particular child had a fit of rage today and started injuring other kids...so I actually did grab him (what else was I supposed to do, let him kill someone?) and started talking to him about snakes (John, you're little snake is a LIFE SAVER, for real). When I want to get this kid under control, there are two secrets: talk about snakes or bring out the Legos. Works like a charm.

Part two of this topic: About four of the kids discovered it would be "fun" to throw each other, their bookbags, themselves, down the hill walking back to the college, hurting an innocent bystander (a sweet little kindergarten girl). This of course caused...great anxiety and frustration on my part. I do not plan on spanking my children, but if my children act the way these kids acted today, I just may rethink that idea.

Part three of this topic: The kids also discovered it would be "fun" to tackle each other in the gym. This of course caused several, nearly fatal, injuries. Okay, maybe not, but perhaps... It was mostly girls, would you believe? This one five year old overestimates her own strength and tries to clobber third grade girls and boys, who obviously have no mercy on the poor wild thing.

Please note: I normally do have better control over the class. For some reason, all these things just happened today out of the blue.

Possession, by A.S. Byatt

This is the book I have been reading for "Readings in the Contemporary British Novel." I am growing to love the book, now that I have been reading it for quite some time (it's long and very, very dense). Well, I was just tired of not knowing the end, so tonight I read the last chapter. And now, I am really happy because the end is SO wonderful and I can't wait to read what happens in between... :)

Please note: This is totally out-of-character for me to read the last chapter of a book before I've reached the end a novel.

Free Time

I have more free time lately than usual, probably because I am done with field experience and tennis class...I also have no papers or tests this week. This has allowed time for me to go to lectures voluntarily. Yes, I attended a lecture by Dr. Gosnell lastnight about the Apostle Paul. This was a privilege, Dr. Gosnell being an expert on Paul. I learned a lot, I think, and I've been researching what he talked about.

My Birthday

My family might be coming this weekend for my birthday, but my birthday really isn't until Tuesday. I'm really excited they are coming, but I'm sad that my birthday isn't until Tuesday. I am usually excited for my birthday but this year I'm not...All my other birthdays have been so extremely wonderful. Last year the Lighthouse girls threw this huge surprise party for me! I've never felt so loved! And Susan and Sharon made these amazing presents for me and sent me on this crazy scavenger hunt. It was so wonderful. And you know, I don't think I want any of that. Maybe this birthday is sad because I know now that no birthday will be quite as great...that none of my birthdays after this one will be celebrated with my friends here at school. Since my birthday falls on a Tuesday this year...how inconceivably boring. Tuesdays are the worst. I don't think I want anything to happen on Tuesday. I think I just want to lay in my bed and cry as I turn 22, crying because I am so happy and pleased with my life, but also because after this year, nothing will be the same. Things will be great, I'm sure, but not the same.

Halloween Poem

The windows are shut and the doors are locked,
Sidewalks are empty where children once walked.
While stores prepare for a holiday that's cheery,
Sounds at night are still so eery.
Everything startles, black cats stare.
Of old women and bones, beware!
The ghouls are on release,
And the frights increase
Beneath an October moon,
Worse now that it's over soon...
Things that rock and things that whine,
Things that whistle, poems that rhyme,
Bumps and bruises, nightmares, too,
Things that cackle, that shout a, "BOO!"
Leaves that crunch beneath goblin boots
A wide-eyed owl’s accusing hoots,
Trick-or-treats and several liars,
But no one scary as Michael Myers!
He keeps coming again and again
Jamie got him, I had thought in sequel ten!
The boogie man never dies, they say,
Oh Christmas, come soon, before I decay!
Bring me presents and that jolly old elf,
I’ll regret I said it when its here,
But maybe Santa won’t be so horrific this year!
All right, all is calm and this shall pass
Excuse me now, I must go to class.

It was a great weekend! I got to see my best grade school friend all pregnant and stuff...which was weird...we laughed about how we used to pretend we had babies in our bellies with her big "real" cheerleader pom-poms. And then we laughed some more about how she and I (when we were about eight) explained to her younger cousin (who was about six) how babies were made. Her cousin, who was there as well, used to think it happened by the daddy peeing in the mommy's mouth. But Staci and I explained that all it really involved was that h-word (we were too embarrassed to say it), that we referred to as "camel-ing." But we're all grown up now (14 years later) and it's not about pom-poms and camels anymore. We were so anxious to grow up. Staci said she remembers me entering the house, excited and (referring to sex) saying, "Guess what I found out!!"

I ate SO MUCH JUNK this weekend. I had two brownies, two frosted cookies, two push-ups, a few candy bars, a P'zone and some cheesesticks, some chicken lo-mein...I haven't eaten that stuff in ages. And you bet I felt sick all weekend. But it was good, and it was worth it. Now it's back to healthy eating (soup, bagels, crackers, eggs and...soup).

New favorite restaurant: Chi-Chi's...who would have thought? I studied the couple across from us while we ate. Two sixteen year olds (?) on their very first date, on their way to some sort of dance. Very cute and pathetic at the same time. Kids ;-)

GHOSTS! Continued...

Oooooooooooooh!

I DO believe in ghosts...but I don't really think they're ghosts, I think they're demons, so I guess I don't believe in ghosts because I don't believe that people die and then hang around haunting people. But anyway, I don't want to talk about that and I don't want to get into a theological discussion. But what I DO want to talk about is how I think I can sense their presence, and I think others can, too. It's like, the gift of discerning spirits. I can sense evil...many people can. For instance, people say that in Haiti, they "sense evil." This may be because of Voodooism and whatnot. So, I don't think people are crazy when they say stuff like that, that they can sense evil because I know the feeling, most definitely. And I don't think it's superstition...I think it's real...and it's really scary!!! And it's really bad too, but I must admit, I kind of enjoy it (I'm sure that it's really sinful to enjoy evil) but no, I would never in a million gazillion years play with Ouija board and stuff...ewww I would never call on spirits (other than God's) to talk to me. Yikes!

What do YOU guys think? Do YOU believe in ghosts? Have you had any supernatural experiences? You should share them! If you send me creepy, real, non-fiction stories of your own creepy experiences in my email (amandah@muskingum.edu), I just might post them! Consider it! Especially you, Aunt Cathy! I know you have good ones :)


I LOVE Halloween! This is it, my favorite 2-3 weeks of the year. Apple cider, pumpkins, dressing up, crunching leaves, concord grapes, long sleeves, football games, and cuddly blankets! It's wonderful.

Ghosts!!!

There are STRANGE things happening on campus! Ghosts are appearing and freaking people out everywhere, especially in Veronica's little world :) Her story is just too exciting not to post for those of you who haven't visited her diary (it is the best, most entertaining diary I know of) which you should visit if you get the chance...www.v-ron.blogspot.com. Anyway, here's what she had to say about our Patton Hall ghost and her adventure the other night...

"The girl who lives in the room where the ghost appeared was also outside, so Claire and Lauren went up to her room with her to see the damage caused by the ghost while Kalyn and I ran back home. Apparently, the blinds were covered with this red stuff that doesn't come off. Additionally, the blinds were warped in this weird way that makes them look like they were somehow melted by a wave of heat. After Lauren and Claire came back with the news, Kalyn and I had to head out there again to see the right thing. Sure enough, you can clearly see red marks on the blinds and the way they are warped out of shape even from outside."

Ah! Is that freakish or WHAT? But I must remind you that ghosts can't touch us as long as we have Jesus Christ in our hearts...and to get rid of ghosts all you have to do is say what those priests and stuff say, but I forget the words, so I use a little paraphrase that goes,

"In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, GET THE HELL OUT!"

And they'll leave. Promise :)

Well, it was an exciting weekend...

Jason got crowned Homecoming King.

I had a good chat with the Imhoffs.

John came to visit me to celebrate our six month anniversary :) Yay!

We (John and I) went to Polaris and Vineyard.

John and I got to chat with my Aunt Vicky, Uncle Dan, and my cousin, Autumn.

I got a new pair of jeans and a belt.

I bought Staci's baby an adorable outfit!!!

Autumn has a book of poetry being published. Yay for you, Autumn!!!


I just got out of this English class, and every time the prof. tells us how we need to get through a novel pretty fast or whatever (which really isn't very fast at all), this girl complains about how she has to read some other novel too and how she has eight classes... It's kind of strange, since being an English major, one should expect to read a lot. And it's her own fault she has "8" classes. But it amazes me how NICE our professor is to her. He just acts all concerned and stuff, you know, and says, "Well, do your best..." and smiles. I'd be like, "SUCK IT UP, MISSY! THIS IS COLLEGE! Reading a novel in TWO WEEKS?! That is plenty of time!" And I know this may not be true for some people, but criminy, if it takes you a year to read a book then why would you be an English major? Complain, complain, that's all people do :) Hahaha.

All in favor of flying the Yankees to Timbuktu in wooden crates say, "I."

Honestly, I am very disappointed with baseball these days. First the Cubs lose, then the Red Sox. Wouldn't it have been awesome to see the Cubs and the Red Sox in the World Series? But no, we're stuck with evil teams like Florida and the Yankees. They do look like villains in their dark, scary uniforms. Someday when I'm a billionare I'm going to manipulate the whole baseball gig and make the Indians win the World Series... However, I've considered switching my favorite baseball team to the Red Sox or the Cubs. Not very faithful, am I? Ah well, I like the colors and the mascots better...

I'm just kidding. Once a Cleveland fan, always a Cleveland fan. It's kind of like being stuck in a rut--willingly, patiently--stuck in a rut. Sigh.

Anyway, besides the World Series just being...crappy...it's a fabulous day. I feel...fabulous. It's amazing. I love it! Varsity Revue tonight, date with Sharon and Susan, Otterbein game tomorrow...Go Muskies! And John visiting :) What could be better (besides the Yankees losing the World Series)?

Well, I did an interesting study on humility once along with some others, and I have the notes...since we're on the topic, I'll share them with you.

Humility means to be overcome by the Father.

-a humble person can rely on things outside of themselves
-a humble person relies on God
-a humble person is thankful for what they've received
-a humble person praises others and receives praise graciously
-a humble person does not worry about his/her own reputation, but God's reputation

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
-James 4:6


News of the Day: I received an e-mail from Jennifer Riley today, which means...I've been officially accepted into the GST program...which means...I'm going to New Zealand for sure! They even sent me my own little website with a video recording from some New Zealand guy. I'm practicing the accent. hahaha. Anyway, the website has really helpful information, which makes me not so scared because I feel more informed, but a little overwhelmed...lots of stuff to remember, lots of stuff NOT TO LOSE! Like my passport, for example.

Yikes!

I'm glad my diary is getting some attention...Kudos to Aunt Cheryl and Uncle Kent for commenting. I enjoy that. It's good to know the fam is reading up on me :)

Anyway, today was a wonderful day, and I'm having the kind of week that makes me think, "Man, I've really got my crap together." And here everyone thought I was irresponsible...psshhh.

And, after talking to the kindergartner's (the kid I'm tutoring) dad and grandma, it made me realize, "Holy cow, I really have learned a lot in college." They listened to me like I was an angel, bringing them some awesome revelation. Wow. I must be smart. Maybe, you know.

So I'm thinking, I feel pretty confident...not cocky or anything, but confident...and you know what that means. God's going to humble me really soon. This means that within the next four days, I will somehow manage to make a complete idiot of myself in one of three ways:
1. Lose something very important
2. Forget something very important
3. Make a horrible mistake, try to cover it up, make it worse by trying to cover it up, and get caught trying to cover it up, which will lead to humiliation and obviously, humility.

But since I'm expecting it to happen that way, that means God will think of some new, exciting way to humble me. Wow, I'm SO excited about that (kidding!). I've almost got Him figured out :)

Peace ya'll, and remember to give Newlyweds a try...I guarantee ya Jessica will remind you of one of your friends. Or maybe even yourself. Eeeks!

On Jessica Simpson

Okay, so it's common knowledge these days that Jessica Simpson is a complete airhead. I don't think little girls should idolize her or anything, and feminists could say she just blows the female image "we've striven for" into the ground, but you know what? I like her. I think I would be her friend. I'd make fun of her a lot, but she would laugh and it would be all right. I don't like it that some people constantly make fun of her. So she doesn't clean. I wouldn't either if I were her. She knows she's not the most intelligent person in the world and she of course never claimed to be (she says, "I always thought it was 'plati-mu-pus'"). Yeah, she says some dumb things on national television. But heck, I say dumb things all the time, you know? Most people do. What if Lindsay had said, "Every year I feel older," on national television? Leno would have a field day with stuff like that. Though it might be sad, it is true, Jessica Simpson is an accurate representation of our generation, at least a part of it, and good heavens, she's beautiful, she's talented, so if she were a genius, she'd be flippin' perfect. And no one is perfect, afterall. Is it that only smart people should be rich? Heck, what would the world be like with a million Bill Gates' walking around? Think about all the 4.0 students here at Muskingum College...what if ALL the rich people in the world were just like them? The only ones on Tv, the only ones to write music, the only ones running the country, the only ones to look up to... Ew. That'd be scary. I'd rather have a mixture, a variety, you know...that's what America is about, eh? While I certainly wouldn't want to BE Jessica Simpson or DO what she does, and I wouldn't trade a single part of me for hers, but I am secure enough to say that I respect her talent and her beauty. The Newlyweds Show is fun to watch, and though it is sort of...aggravating at times...it's obvious that she is a real person, with real faults, and heck, it's better than watching some reality TV show with a bunch of geniuses discussing genetic engineering (I know some of you would rather enjoy that :) and living out their lives sitting at their computers and such...

Back at school, college, where people talk, talk, talk, talk, talk because they like to hear what they have to say even when no one else wants to hear it. It's a thing with college students I guess, thinking they're all smart or something. You just never know when something you say is going to cause a lecture.

Well, anyway, no more negativity :) I got a new job tutoring a little kindergartner. I'm pretty excited about that. Tutoring brings in beaucoup bucks...and I love it!

Why is my font so large??

Gosh, I've been so negative lately! You know why, don't you? It's because I didn't take any of that tryptophan lately and my seratonin levels have been down. Doggone it. I took it today, though!!!

AND I'm going home in less than 20 MINUTES!!! Yahoo! I'm booked the entire weekend, though...but with FUN stuff. Yay :) Kitty is going home with me too...we'll see if I can pawn her off on someone... :-(

It's like losing Toulouse all over again. Sadness!

I liked the results of this one...



-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

An interesting thing...You know, whatever :) I guess what it says about me is true though...you all should know, eh?


You are Romans.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

And another one...I don't know about this one... :-

You are Marlin! You're timid, paranoid, and
stereotyped often as funny. But you will go to
any lengths to find that someone you love the
most. You're life hasn't always been easy, but
you're used to it.


Which Finding Nemo Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hatefulness

I have been trying really hard not to be hateful, mean, or even to think hateful and mean things. I started focusing on this yesterday, based on some Ephesians and stuff, and what do you know, I was faced with like, nearly impossible situations all day yesterday and today.

The biggest (and most entertaining) situation has to do with this girl in my Arts class. It's the one who is "the most creative person she knows." Yeah, that girl that I talked about in a previous entry. Anyway, it's war between us. Not really, because I'm going to be nice. However, if I were one of those vicious girls who are rather slap-happy, I'd be laying the smack down Vannessa Brown/Shagala Simpson (girls I went to school with) style. This involves pulling out chunks of hair and such. Anyway, I am working on controlling my anger...

Tim and I sang the "De Moose" song which nearly all kids love, even those reluctant 3rd grade boys who won't sing. I've sang this song with literally at least a thousand kids and it's never been a problem. But what do you know, someone (she) had to make a big deal out of it that the moose dies at the end (he decomposes). It's not mean, it's not graphic, it's nature, you know? So I can see that someone might want to point out that it MIGHT not be a good idea in some cases, but Little Miss Thinks-She's-the-Best was totally rude and mean and inconsiderate about it... And you know, it was a lesson that we had to do for a grade and she made us look like idiots. I suppose she IS so much more intelligent because she's 27 and has her own kids.

Her argument was that her son would not have enjoyed the song because his dog just died. Yeah, that really is sad and I'm sorry. I'm still mourning the loss of Toulouse from like three years ago, so I feel your pain. But you don't have to all smart about it and for the love of Pete, the world does move on. You can't avoid the issue of death when a kid has just lost someone or something...it'll come up in so many things....reading a book about a dog, for instance, could have made her "poor little boy" cry too, I'm sure, more than the fun and exciting "De Moose" song. So eat it, sista.

Once again, I am working on my anger. Pray for me in this process. It isn't going well, as you can see.

Okay, so it isn't a big deal that I still feel like crap...but it does bother me that I'm just getting worse! I'm taking vitamins, I'm drinking juice, I'm eating healthy. Hello God! Don't you know that stuff is supposed to make me better? Yeah. Well I'm telling You, in case you forgot. I thought lastnight that perhaps I have pneumonia. I only thought it for a couple seconds. My friend Staci and I when we were little had a fight about how to spell pneumonia. That was in first grade, when we got to go to McDonald's with our first grade teacher. She got to go because she read the most books. I got to go because I never missed a spelling word. So, Staci, here's to you...stick to your books and let me be the speller! (Now you can see why we fought, because I always thought I was right). It's kind of like the time she wanted to play nursing home and I didn't want to, so I ran home crying. Hahahaha...

Yeah, I know. Things haven't changed much :)

Hello, hello, hello! Times are good here and I'm living life to its very fullest because of a precious little kitty cat...

But anyway, I was sick all weekend. Awful feeling sick, like not sick enough to get attention, but sick enough to feel awful. You know, at least when you're REALLY sick people do super nice things for you and send flowers and balloons and make you soup. Not that I wanted anyone to do that stuff for me cuz then I would have been annoyed, but it would have been nice if I was REALLY sick, but since I wasn't, no one cared. I don't feel too terribly bad for people when they're sick, either, so it's okay. Mostly it was just my incessant (when sick) need to just be held by my mommy...or maybe if John had been here...but I don't know if he would sympathize with me. We haven't been sick around each other yet so I haven't gotten to see really how "maternal" he is....I guess that's a "to be continued."

But...I did have a cat to comfort me, and that really just solved all my problems (note: Charlie certainly didn't make me feel better when I had the flu last Spring. Another reason why cats are better than dogs).

Thanks for the wonderful comments on the last entry! Let's keep that up, I like that.

To continue on the same subject...

Alison, this textbook must be by the same guy cuz there are NO pictures and the paragraphs and different sections don't even have headings! So, I have begun to make my own headings. It's kind of like an inductive Bible study...but harder.

AND lastnight, I had a dream about Constantine. Who has dreams about Constantine? In our Shakespeare class, oh my goodness, our professor is such a quack...but anyway, he said one of the goals and an actual assignment of the class is to have a dream about Shakespeare. Is that normal? Can you assign that? I don't know...but I know I had crazy dreams while reading A Midsummer Night's Dream. Although I guess it's not that unlikely to dream about certain guys' heads turning into ass heads.

Three cheers for Kendra taking me out to dinner tonight!!! It pays to write about living in squander. I have ONE more woe to add to my list now, though.....

I have a horrible sore throat. It hurrrrrts. :-(

Top 10 Ways I was All Grown Up Today

10. I wore my grown up brown pants and...

9. my water bra.

8. I watched Dr. Phil for a full five minutes.

7. I'm writing a math lesson on nickels and pennies. I've mastered counting by fives! I'm a big kid now :)

6. I was the big dog group leader in my Arts class.
(Which is funny because in that class whenever I'm in a group, everyone assumes I'm going to be the leader and I tried to avoid it today but everyone else's ideas were dumb, so I took over and ended up....singing "We're Going on a Muskie Hunt" in front of 30 people. But I got to shake a maraca.

5. Kendra and I had a great discussion over dinner about birth order and the effects it has on our lives.

4. I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich...and the jelly was Smucker's Boysenberry Preserves, my favorite. Which is very grown-up, I'd say.

3. I read my History of Christianity book for an hour and a half.*

2. I wore dressy clothes all day long.

1. I drank a nice big mug of cafe latte this morning before I went over to the elementary school (thanks Johnnie :)).


*This means there's a footnote about my History of Christianity book...
So the writer of this book is...not a good textbook writer (Autumn, where are you when I need ya?).
Anyway, he talks and talks about the most boring things and he'll talk about one whole country for two sentences and then skip to some completely different country...but in today's reading he talked about some interesting things just splat in the middle of Portugese exploration and smallpox killing half of the "Amerindians" and some here-and-theres about John Calvin burning people at the stake...

It turns out that Martin Luther tried being a celibate monk, but he changed his mind and married Katy, who was a nun. "They continued habits of the monastic life...but they increasingly valued married life...because of the strength for living that it gave marriage partners."

Anyway, the really funny part is that this author writes about A WHOLE COUNTRY for two sentences, but he went on and on about how Mrs. Katy Luther...

wrapped her sick husband (Martin) in a sheet filled with heated horse manure and got him really super drunk in order to help him pass his kidney stones so that he could make it to an important conference...so he was wrapped in poop and drunk in a wagon all the way to this conference...and sure enough, he passed those daggone kidney stones and went to that conference.

Swimming Woes...

I thought swimming was supposed to be the sport that didn't cause pain? Okay. I know that's naive...but cripes, I only swam for like fifteen minutes and my whole body hurts...including my eyeballs. At least it's a more healthy kind of pain...at least my knees don't feel so bad.

Tennis Woes...

I think I failed our skills test today. Good heavens. I don't know why I suck so much. Actually, I do know why, but I wish I didn't. I want to tell everyone in my class that I'm not a loser. But I know they think that. There's one girl in the class who isn't that good, either...and I laugh inside at her. You'd think I'd be more understanding, being so awful myself. But no. It's kind along the lines of Jerry Springer...people laugh at that show because they think, "At least my life isn't THAT bad." I laugh at this girl and think, "At least I'm not THAT bad." But really, I am. I just can't see how stupid I look. In my head I look cute playing tennis. Some girls manage to pull that off. In my head, I am graceful. In reality, I am a clumsy sloth-like creature.

Food Woes...

Most days, I just don't have time to go to the dining hall. It turns out that I'm just about all out of food. Therefore, I have decided to live on soup, graham crackers, peanut butter, and fruit juice. All four food groups, at least. And I do really love soup, graham crackers, peanut butter, and fruit juice.

Vitamin Woes...

My vitamins turn me into a goofball. I can't sit still and I'm all happy and energetic but worn-out and tired at the same time and I talk a lot. It's very strange. I know Kendra wonders why I'm so friendly lately. It's that seratonin...it's like taking Prozac. I'm not sure why they make me feel that way. No caffeine in them. But...I kind of like it :)

Bed Woes...

To add to my back and arm pain, my bed is actually a torture chamber. I think it hates me. It's impossible to lay in one spot for more than fifteen minutes because within that time, a spring will jump out and stab me so hard and for so long that I have to find a different position, only for the whole incident to repeat itself.

Cosmetic Woes...

My face looks like crap right now. And my eyeshadow is so old (think Junior year of high school) that it makes my eyelids burn and itch. Sarah yelled at me about that (Miss Estee Lauder). Sigh. AND there's some kind of mountain forming on my bicep...I can't decide if it's a pimple or if some spider has laid eggs in my freakin' arm (remember those R.L. Stine books? Yeah. That's me.). I haven't been getting bitten by spiders lately since I've been wearing socks to bed. However, one did bite me on my face the other night, just to add to my beautiful pizza looking visage. I had senior pictures yesterday, too.

And...the swimming is making my scalp all dry and flaky.



So basically...I hurt, I'm living in squander, and I am an ugly, pathetic loser.


:) And really, this whole entry is just a joke...life is super wonderful right now! But these things were funny so I thought I'd let you know. Thanks for listening to me whine. :-D

Sag: a word that is less than admirable (i.e.; "My butt sags more and more as I get older"). A sign of aging, something that is "out of style." When something "sags" it probably means that it's getting old and tired.

Reg.: Shorthand for "regular" or even "Reggie." Many people hope to be regular in some things (like passing bowel movements) but being "regular" is also less than admirable (i.e.; He was just a regular guy, following the crowd, doing the same things everyday, never stepping out of his tiny little box).

Gay: Also a term that is, these days, less than admirable, at least for most people. Can be a slang term for "stupid."

Shun: When someone is cut off or excommunicated. "She was shunned by her family and friends because of the way she looked."


Sag + Reg + Gay + Shun =

The West Hill at Muskingum College!

Let's cut it out, for real...it's not the 60's anymore, folks.

One Week Ago Conversation:

Amanda, commenting on the play Twelfth Night in Shakespeare class to her neighbor and best friend, Susan:

"Susan, this play is so funny. It'd be great to see live, or as a movie or something."

"Yes, it would," Susan replies, nodding her head like she always does.

Friday Happenings:

Amanda finds out that her birthday present from the amazing most fabulous John is a trip to Chicago over Christmas break and staying in the beautiful Hilton, a most remarkable hotel in the very best part of Chicago. Yay!

Monday Happenings:

Amanda figures she might as well check out what's playing in the theaters in Chicago. And WHO is visiting the Shakespeare Theatre on Navy Pier?

The Globe Theatre from London.

And WHAT play are they performing?

Twelfth Night!

And WHO is so amazing and taking his girlfriend to see it?

The incredible and fabulous Johnnie!

And WHO is his ever-so-fortunate and extremely blessed girlfriend?

ME!



Yeah, I cried. :)

Misleading fairy tales?

I read this in a friend's profile:

...wait for the guy who will make an ordinary moment seem magical,who brings out the best in u & makes u want to be a better person,the guy who will be your best friend,who will drop everything to be with u,wait for the guy who makes u smile like no other guy, wait for the guy who wants to show u off to the whole world

But I believe in something different.

Wait for the guy who doesn't make everything seem surreal. Wait for the guy that makes everything real.

Don't wait for the guy who brings out the best in you. Wait until you've established some of the greatest gifts God has given you and wait until God gives you the guy who appreciates it.

Don't wait for the guy who makes you want to be a better person. Be the person God wants you to be. Human standards? How insignificant.

Don't wait for the guy who will drop everything to be with you. Wait for the guy who wants you to be a part of his life, who wants to be a part of your life...why would you want a guy to give up things just for you?

Don't wait for the guy who wants to show you off to the whole world. Wait for the guy who realizes that the world doesn't matter.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Now THAT'S my kind of fairy tale.

I have ten things I want to say.

1. I am the worst, no really, the worst tennis player on the planet.
2. I really hate feeling like a loser. Takes me back to grade school and Jr. High, I tell ya.
3. I totally love first graders.
4. I finished the paper I have been putting off and freaking out about and rolling around in my head for the past week in less than two hours. It practically wrote itself. Praise God!
5. I finished my Shakespeare paper and I think it sucks and there's really nothing I can do about it.
6. I really hope that Jason gets homecoming king because he is, by far, the nicest guy in the top ten and definitely one of the few great guys here at Muskingum (at least as far as I know, you never know these days who could be fake...but, I don't think he's fake :) ).
7. The yearbook is awesome because Chrystal did take, like, all the pictures, and everyone is asking me, "Dude, why are YOU all over the yearbook?" to which I reply, "Because I'm so flippin' popular, duh!"
8. I most certainly did send my application for Global Student Teaching today. If that's not cool, I don't know what is. All I gotta say is...300 dollars could have bought me a lot of new clothes, daggone it.
9. I'm going to find out what my birthday present is TOMORROW! Yay!!!
10. And...I have nothing else on my post-it note assignment list! It feels so good to throw those lists away...check...check...check...

How about we NOT vote for cheating liars to be Homecoming "Royalty?" Just a thought.

Blahhhh I'm so tiiiired. I couldn't fall asleeeeep lastnight because I wasn't tired then but I am now. Waaah.

Anyway, I have an incredible amount of work to do and so far I've done a fabulous job of putting it off. So I think I'm going to go write two papers and study for a test...after I paint my nails and do my hair...and maybe take a nap, or two...

Okay, ta-ta for now then.

John and I had good times online lastnight with his mom, his stepdad, and his sisters as they all teased me and had a good ol' time laughing at my attempts to figure out my birthday present. They say I'll never guess so I suppose I'll just stop trying. I had a dream lastnight that my present was going skiing. Eeeeks!

We had a retreat yesterday! Here's the cool stuff we did:

1. Jumped off a huge freakin' rock in some really deep, FREEZING cold water in our clothes.
2. Went canoeing. Actually, Susan and Kendra just took the canoe (with me in the middle) to the middle of the lake and we sat out there and talked for a looong time.
3. Susan and I laid in the hammock and laughed A LOT.
4. Made hot dogs on the fire. Mmmmh.
5. Made foil dinners. Mmmmh!
6. Made s'mores. Super mmmh!
7. Made banana boats. Mmmh!
8. I forgot my sweatshirt and I was rather cold all day. Kinda like how I forgot to bring shorts to Florida.
9. Kendra made me tell her my IQ score and now I feel embarassed.
10. We went on this fun hike and saw some more big huge freaking rocks that I think we should go rock climbing on. It'd at least be good practice.
11. We had a lot of fun in God's awesome creation and some lovely "sisters" and it was....awesome!

First graders are so refreshing! So cute, so respectful, so silly, so fun :)

Well hello there! Nice of you to stop by and visit. How was your weekend? Mine was excellent. I watched the most awful football game yesterday between Tampa Bay and the Panthers. They all just kept getting penalties and 15 minutes of overtime took like 9 hours. How annoying is that?

But on Saturday I met the cuuuuuuuuuuuuuutest puppy at the pet store! He is an English springer spaniel and if I had 500 dollars, lived in my own house, and had time to spend with a puppy, I would have bought him. He had poop on his ear. :) But besides that, he was a pretty cool kid. I mean, dog.

Speaking of kids, I start my field experience on Thursday with FIRST GRADERS! Yay! My favorite :) At least it is right now...we'll see how it goes. Meanwhile, I absolutely hate my job because those kids are freakin' psychos. I really want to quit, but what's the chance of finding a work study job right now? Slim to none. Looks like I'll be sticking with it. I dread it every day, I tell ya. I thought they were going to be changing things but um...they're not. So the kids are still little hellians...and I don't blame them because there's really nothing for them to do but pick on each other. If I were rich, I'd build them a new classroom and playground and the whole bit. Actually, if I were rich, I probably wouldn't be here...

It also turns out that my mysterious birthday present is not a surfboard, a blanket, a rug, or skis, and it can't be bought in the state of Ohio. Ponder that one.

Four months until I go to New Zealand. I'm getting excited! I hope I don't hate it. I think I will actually hope for the worst and not set my expectations too high (a la Camp Wanake), so then when it's awesome, I'll be like, "Wow, this is way better than I even expected." But you know, I will miss it here a lot. I hadn't seen Susan since Wednesday and I thought I'd almost die, and I hate the thought of not seeing John for at least another two weeks, and most of all, I miss my mommy. But the good thing about all my friends and family here at home is that I know they'll all still be here when I get back :) They're pretty trustworthy that way.

Life is funny. My moods alter with the books I read and right now I feel sad. I think it's because for some odd reason, I identified with the guy in the book I just finished ten minutes ago and he was sad, so now I'm sad because I can't just be all happy when someone else is sad, you know? That would be insensitive.

Older people are always saying how bad things are now. The truth is, they aren't oblivious, young idiots anymore, so they see things as being "bad" and remember the "good ol' days," But, back in the "good ol' days," they were young and oblivious... There's always been war, terrorism, adultery, murder... I won't be able to tell my kids that "Back in the good ol' days I used to walk to school with my lunch in a metal basket and it was 3 miles uphill both ways and Emmilou Nelson was my bestest friend in the world and we'd always chase little Bobby Tucker around and try to kiss him..."

But you know, instead I'll be able to say, "Back in the good ol' days, I used to walk to school in my little dresses and white tights with my Teddy Ruxpin lunch box and I'd meet my bestest friend in the world, Staci, at the mail box at the end of Fair Street and little Ben Gadfield and Jordan Fausel would chase us around during indoor recess...we weren't allowed to run, so we just slid around on the floor on our hands and knees and I'd tear holes in those white tights, but my mom never got mad."

And then I'll continue, I'm sure, because I'll be a very dorky, out of touch grandma, and I'll say, "And now there's murderers and child molestors livin' next door and all these kids are on drugs and having sex in the streets..." The same things people say this very day. Humankind. How silly we are.

I am really enjoying reading Shakespeare and the other weird books I have to read for my other class. I do not enjoy the classes so much--I could do without those. Now seriously, I want to say this without sounding cocky...but I think I'm pretty "good" at this sort of thing, reading and analyzing and stuff. I'm not sure what that means, but I think that I could, if I wanted to, go to grad school and get my Phd and all that and be an English professor. I think the main reason I think this is possible is because I like the books everyone else hates. You know those books English professors just love and all the students are like, "What planet is SHE from?" Yeah, I like those books. James Joyce, Henry James...NO ONE likes those guys (well someone must because they're famous and all) but I just love them. I do. And I love Shakespeare and I think the reason I understand it is because I've been reading it since the 7th grade when my Dad passed my grandpa's "Shakespeare: Five Plays" book down to me, H J HARRINGTON stamped right in the front (I write my name in all my books, I don't like to stamp it). But for the same reason I think I could have a career in the English field is the same reason I don't want a career in the English field...because people hate the books I love and that sort of irritates me, and when people can't write a proper sentence, that sort of irritates me as well. Not in everyday jargon you know, but in papers people should take the time to proofread and spell check. I don't believe in perfect grammar...it can be rather stifling. I like to use elipses whenever I want...and dashes here and there--you know. I've found that ending sentences with prepositions is a new pet peeve. I don't know how I acquired that. It's not acceptable to be proper, you know. It's weird if someone ask you how you're doing and you say, "Well." No, you would say, "I'm doing good," but that's really not proper. It should be, "I'm doing well." Everytime I hear it, it sticks out to me and everytime someone asks me, "How's it going?" I have to force myself to reply, "Good!" when in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "No, it's going well!" But if I knew someone that were this weird about proper English, I'd think, "What a freakin' self-righteous..." So, I understand if you're thinking that. I assure you, I'm not that way, it's just that these English classes get to a person after a while. Isn't that crazy? I know it is! It's like seeing every word seen forwards AND backwards all the time. Oh, wait...

Have you ever been standing in front of a window and someone else is facing this same casement as well, and because they're either beautiful, strange looking, or just out of your plain curiousity and fascination with the contours of a person's visage, the shape of their body, or their disposition, you know you can stare at them because your own image is not reflected well enough to allow them to see your eyes clearly, and so you study them, wondering where they have been, where they are going, what they are thinking?

I was driving once through Canton a few years ago, I'll never forget this, and I saw a woman driving next to me, sobbing. This blonde, 30-something woman, wearing a red striped collared shirt and dress pants, no doubt, looked as though she was horribly sad. I could not tell if she was grief-stricken, mad, disappointed, or any more than the fact that she just seemed very upset. She was wiping away her tears, gasping for air, and she had the window completely down, perhaps to help dry her face and help her catch her breath. To this day I still wonder why she was crying. Did someone die? Was she angry? Did she just break an engagement? Was she in an argument with her mother? Did she just get fired? Did she not get the promotion she thought she would?

There are people I have seen and for no particular reason at all, I remember them for years, maybe forever. The little girl who tried to put ice in her pop can when I was about four years old, the man who gave me a Coke when I was at the bar with my dad when I was little, the girl at church camp with the strange eyes and mousy gray/brown hair, the teenager on the bus in Washington D.C. who looked depressed, and the lady who cried in the car next to me. All these people I never spoke to, but their faces, their expressions, something about them made them different to me, and for some reason I imprinted them in my mind, these nameless, mysterious people.

I went to church today, and there was an empty spot, because this man died... He was a pretty important man. In fact, half of the church was related to him somehow, whether his granchild, son, or daughter-in-law. Anyway, he sat in the same seat every day with his wife next to him. He'd invite everyone to Sunday school over and over again and he'd always invite his little granddaughter up to the microphone to recite the memory verse. She always knew it--she's probably one of the few who take the time to remember it :) He'd always say the verse in church when we prayed about "Lifting your hands in the sanctuary." And he would. And he'd put his arm around his wife, still, even though you know, they were both pretty old. She was always happy. He was always happy. They loved God and each other and their family SO much. And you know, she was still happy today, and she still "lifted her hands in the sanctuary." And she sat in his old sat and a friend sat beside her...

It's sort of uplifting in an odd way, but sad because you know, you begin to lose faith in love after a while, but couples like that help to restore it--and now, he's gone. Life is so fleeting, and love is so important, but everything here is just temporary (even marriage), and God is most important. We live for God, not to find the perfect mate or try to be the perfect person, or to make a million gazillion friends. We just live for God, and if we're really blessed, we'll find really special people, like Jim and Iris Henderson, to share it with.

I hope that I can be that blessed, and I wish everyone could be that blessed, but it's even better that I have something that's completely everlasting and trustworthy...and His moods never change even when I'm being crazy or stupid, and His love never wavers and He never changes at all and there's absolutely nothing I could do to make Him love me more or less, a perfect Friend...I'm really thankful for that. I can look more forward to Heaven than anything else because it's going to be so very awesome.

College is so different this year. There are positives and negatives...

A positive is that,
-because I live off-campus I can do whatever I want on my own time without anyone bothering me.
A negative is that,
-there's no one to bother me.
A positive is that,
-most of my friends have boyfriends and I'm really happy for them (including myself, of course)
A negative is that,
-I'm bored and second-best.
Another negative is that,
-those who don't have boyfriends have it even worse than I do and I am not sure whether to sympathize or tell them to enjoy it while it lasts (singleness certainly does have its ups, you know).
A positive is that,
-Living off-campus will make the transition to "the real world" a little easier.
A negative is that,
-That really scares me.
A positive is that,
-I am so totally excited.

So I've applied to graduate, I've made my resume, I've looked at places I want to live and work and you know what? If everything works out just the way it's supposed to, my life will be absolutely amazing. Teaching is the job of my dreams (believe it or not), I get to student teach in the most beautiful country in the world, I might be living with the most fabulous friend in the world (I hope we can have Polly and a cat)...what more could I ever want? It's more than I ever hoped for, and now it's so close, it's terrifying because...

What if I fail? What if I can't pay rent? What if I get in big trouble with the IRS? And worst of all, what if I buy the wrong furniture and it won’t match the house I want or the design I want and I end up decorating my whole life with paisley because it was the cheapest thing to buy when I was 22?

Do you ever feel like you don't know what you're doing and you know you want to do something but you're not sure what it is you want to do but you kind of don't want to do anything at all? So, I'm trying to think of what it is I really do want to do and I think I'd just like to curl up with...a pillow, maybe? And watch a movie. Or read a book. Or something. No, I'm a little sick of reading. I feel guilty if I read anything other than Shakespeare or A.S. Byatt or Julian Barnes... I'd like to eat a big heaping mound of chocolate pudding and Hershey Kisses and chocolate covered pretzels and peanut M&M's. Yes boys, it's so fun...so fun...to be a woman. I am enjoying my pre-menstrual symptoms so much. I feel like a helium balloon and a 900 pound barbell all at once and I swear there has to be a bulldozer in my uterus because it hurts and my back is trying to get out of my body, I'm serious, it's trying to escape and everything makes me want to cry and laugh and yell and...it's so weird because I have NO reason at all to experience such moodswings... I thought PMS this bad wasn't supposed to happen until I'm in my 30's? Well, I'm sure some chocolate will make me feel better. Ha! I'm happier already! :)

Life is good, is it not?

peace out, word, check ya, i'm out, bouncin, etcetera...

I just got a prayer letter from a Pastor who left our church in order to plant another Grace Brethren Church in Marysville, Ohio (the one that's in Union County) and things seem to be going SO well! It's amazing how well they are doing, especially since they have five (?) kids. Pastor Clancy is the greatest Pastor I've ever met, and the people in Marysville are SO blessed to have him. Reading the letter made me miss him so much. Sometimes it's just not fun to share! But anyway, keep Pastor Clancy and his wife, Sandy in your prayers.

Welcome back, Jeff B., to the comments section! I think we all missed you quite a bit. :-)

My Shakespeare and the Renaissance class is both boring and kind of interesting at the same time. For some reason I always feel sick in that class though and yawn constantly. Between yawns I manage to get some words in. We talked about Sonnet 29 for 40 minutes today. I don't really like to analyze poetry much. I don't even really like reading it, either. Today I get to start reading "A Midsummer's Night's Dream" or maybe it's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." I really don't know. I guess I'll find out. I don't know if it really matters. Reading is what it makes of you, not what you make of it. I think I just made that up but don't quote me on it because I'm not sure if I stole it :)

Do you think the line, "From fairest creatures we desire increase" means that in general, we wish for beautiful people to have children? Because I think that's what it means, and no one else does.