I'm just thinking out loud...

You can now find me on myspace at www.myspace.com/mandilu202 (check out my neat-o video)

Don't you wish I was inspired? Don't you wish you had something interesting to read?

I was thinking a lot today about families.

Families and their perspectives. We think we know everything about our family members. We've experienced similar stories. And yet, none of us has the same story. If we were to compare notes, they would all be entirely different.

I've dealt with substance abuse. With diet pills. With anxiety attacks. With child abuse. With lots of things. So when I see others going through the same thing, many thoughts and emotions rush through my system.

Child abuse. That makes me angry--at the abuser. Grown ups who have been abused and cry about it all the time--that makes me angry as well. Adults who were abused and deny it ever happened--that really aggravates me.

Substance abuse. We all have our own stories. Me, I had the opportunity to experience several substances second-handedly. I didn't have to try many. The illegal stuff? I tried that. Fortunately, two weeks later my friend asked me to church. Jesus saved me. I learned I don't need anything but Christ in my heart to take care of the hurts.

The friend who asked me to church? He's on all sorts of drugs now, so I hear. Why? I don't know. I mean, he must have his reasons. He must have forgotten all that he taught me. Hypocrite? No. Confused? Maybe.

Diet pills, caffeine, anxiety--little things that can easily become life-threatening. All of this stemmed from my teenage perspective that I had to perfect. It's not that anyone expected me to be perfect. I just wanted to be immaculate. I wanted to catch someone's eye. I wanted to turn heads.

And when the heads turned, I became proud.

And when I became proud, God humbled me. I became like dust, wrapped up in my own mistakes, my own lies I'd told myself, my own mess. No one else's. There was no one to blame. Just me. And when I realized what I'd done, I apologized. And God lifted me.

And lifted me.

And lifted me.

Until I was no longer lying in the dust. And you know, I wasn't even standing on my own two feet? In fact, I was lying. Comfortably. In my Savior's arms.

Because we can not break the chains on our own. However, EVERY time I knock, Jesus answers. EVERY time I come to Him and ask the simple question, "Will you please take me from this?" Or, "Will you please take this from me?" He does.

I'm not trying to be preachy, self-righteous, blah blah blah. Because I don't know your life, your experiences, your background. But what is the same for everyone is this: Jesus came to this world for you. When he died on the cross for you, your sin was taken into his heart. So why hold it within you? Why torture yourself with guilt and pain? Hold it in and you say to God that his sacrifice was not enough to cover YOUR sin.

And Who

Are You

To Judge.

Exhaustion, Anxiety, Nightmares, OH MY!

That's right folks. I'm officially exhausted.

Ever since my last car accident, I feel like I am going to have a panic attack whenever another car comes near me.

I keep having scary dreams.

Anyway, four of my students can read chapter books now, so every day I get to read a little bit of Cam Jansen and Magic Tree House and whatnot. The exciting thing is that they are actually COMPREHENDING! I even have one girl who takes notes--voluntarily--to help her remember what she is reading. Yay :)


Does Naples, Florida make people legally insane?

Makes me wanna be a black woman...

Still I Rise


You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Olive Garden is detestible. Barely palatable. Disgusting. The only good thing about it is the salad and breadsticks. Don't eat there. It's not Italian. It's...ick. If you want a good Italian chain restaurant, try Carabbas.

Take the wheel...

I went to the doctor today for my car accident injuries and guess what video I saw? Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel." I wasn't particularly fond of the song, but I like it now! Here's a really stupid poem I wrote describing my day today.


Now I lay me down to not sleep
Because I was hit by a runaway creep.
I don’t know his story, that’s true,
“But what about me?!” I scream at you!

I could have yelled at everyone today.
I hated the world and all they had to say.
Asking me dumb questions of this or that—
Telling me that maybe I was driving too fast.

I wanted to stay in and lock myself away.
Sleeping in the closet might be okay.
Don’t try to comfort me or give me sympathy,
But please spoil me and hold me like a baby.

Twisting metal and crunching glass--
Echoes of my silent scream that I thought may be my last—
My life didn’t flash before my eyes.
All I thought was, “Why is this person such a dumb---.?”

What excellent thoughts to have just before a crash.

Now I am tingly and my hands are numb.
I have a million things to do before Monday comes.
Exhausted, but no sleep.
Boy, that idiot got off real cheap.

I went to church despite the urge to hide.
Faced the same smiling faces as every Saturday night.
I learned things I didn’t expect—
I was reminded that God cared about the pain in my neck.

I was reminded that joy doesn’t grow from good days
Or even a happy home.
Joy comes from Christ alone.
It is offered to me every day.
Today, I just picked it up a bit late.

“And I will sleep in peace, Oh Lord. For you alone make me dwell in safety.” -Psalm 55:11

Damage to my car in my most recent car accident on January 20th, 2006 in a lovely hit and run.  

This picture was taken right after Hurricane Wilma in our backyard. 

I know how to feed my husband... 

Rosa...Queen of the House 

My Class...Crazy Kids! 

Habitat, Rainforest, Medieval Times, and Warewolves

Habitat for Humanity: Wanna visit Florida and help out with Habitat? Be here on February 4th and you can come help us build a house in Immokalee!

Rainforest: To add to my rainforest sound spa sounds, we are currently reading the Magic Tree House chapter book about the rainforest and I am discovering that some of my students are wickedly smart. Now all they want to learn about is the rainforest, and our curriculum is not allowing us time for anything fun like that. I hate you, government idiots.

Medieval Times: For the after-school program, the other teachers and I have taken matters into our own hands and we're teaching whatever we darn well please. So now we're learning about medieval times (which is so incredibly interesting! Why didn't I learn any of this stuff?), next is Chinese New Year, and after that we are going to do some stuff about the Olympics. As they say in New Zealand, "Sweet As!"

Warewolves: Two of my students are warewolves. When there is a full moon, they can't sit still, are constantly howling, look like they've been awake ALL night, and hurt other children.

The three day weekend is over, and so it is back to life.

John and I saw the movie Munich yesterday. Yes, my day off was spent watching how people become insane murderers who kill other murderers and terrorists. It all started with this guy, who was an all right kind of guy--he seemed pretty nice

SIDENOTE! (the bad thing about watching movies in movie theaters for me is that I can't get up to get online to check the filmographies...and it drove me nuts the entire time thinking of what I've seen this guy on before. Eric Bana. It turns out that, well, I don't think I recognized him from anywhere. I believe he just reminded me of my high school history teacher and a mixture of other actors, including Jude Law and Ewan McGregor and Cary Elwes, the guy who played Robin Hood in Robin Hood Men in Tights and Westley in The Princess Bride).

Anyway, this guy was hired to kill the people who killed the Israeli hostages in the 1972 Olympics, which were in Munich, of course. So he starts out just normal and then becomes this cold-blooded killer (he wasn't really cold-blooded, still a "nice" guy, just brainwashed or desensitized or something) and then his life is ruined by nightmares and such, sorta reminding me of Vietnam movies.

Well, the moral of the story was, I believe, the world sucks. And so do world leaders and even the CIA and all the people that will do anything to save their own butts or be declared a hero. And the other moral of the story was: stop killing people. Just stop. Really, just stop it.


In other news, Rosa is going to the vet on Friday because she has had some tummy troubles.

My tutor is 10 weeks pregnant.

People who don't "believe" in birth control are idiots.

My prescription went up 20 dollars and I have not figured out why.

I still haven't received my reimbursement from Progressive from my accident that occured in September. As if it was my fault. I should sue for all the emotional distress. :)

I made a kick-A dinner lastnight.

I've spent way too long on the computer.

Overwhelmed...

...with blessings and happiness! :) I love it.

How to Raise a Smart Child

Talk to them.

Read to them.

Ask them questions.

Give them hugs.

Tell them you love them.

Surround them with print (books, magazines).

Turn off the television.

Go places (on walks, to the park, to restaurants, to the movies, to the zoo, to family members' houses, wherever you can!)

Expose them to other cultures (even if it's the neighbors' and they are the same ethnicity or religion...)

Have them take responsibility for their own actions.

Talk to them.

Talk to them.

And most importantly, talk to them!

I am QUEEN of the AMAZON

Since John and I love to run up the balance on my Clout Rewards card, we get all kinds of free gifts. The coolest free gift we just received recently and actually by accident is our "Sound Spa" Alarm/Radio thingamabobber. I thought it was a big bunch of crap, but this thing has changed my life. I am actually sleeping rather soundly these days, waking up fully rested.

It's all due to the nice sounds of the rainforest that sift from this handy dandy clock radio's speakers. The only trouble I've had is the nightmare I had lastnight about a panther chasing me...

Other than that, I've been sleeping so well, and John likes that the time is lit up on our ceiling. I don't know why he likes it so much, but guys are so weird about their stupid gadgets.


Oh, and mom, I was up so early on a Saturday because I had to go to my friend's wedding shower, which I had to make cookies for, and I had to run to Border's to get her gift and some school books.

My cookies failed miserably. For some reason, they didn't puff up. Usually they puff so nicely. Oh well, I'm still queen.

Inappropriate Teacher...

Actual Conversation


Michael (age 7): I like to sit on my desk like this.

Mrs. Erdman: Ew! You don't wanna get your butt germs on your desk!



And he will never sit on his desk again.

Five Things in Our Kitchen You Really Oughta Buy

Hurry! Go get your debit card and buy these things right now because you just can not go on living without them! Click the links and shop away!

Over-the-Sink Colander Am I the only one who occasionally tips the little plastic strainers over in the sink, only to watch my beloved gemelli fall down the drain? Well, now I get to keep all my pasta...without burning myself.

Bread Dipping Set This has revolutionized the way John and I eat. Forget dirtying another dumb pan to make that 12 grams of fat a piece Texas Toast. This is much cooler and tastes even better. Get yourself a french loaf and some E.V.O.O. as well.


Mr. Coffee Programmable Coffee Maker It's like having a manservant. My cup of coffee is always ready at 6 am.


Barnie's Coffee Mmmmh. Yum. Too expensive to use every day, but a great treat for holidays (Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, Mother's and Father's Day, Child Abuse Prevention Month, Hanukkah, Boxing Day, Yom Kippur, Good Friday, Ash Wednesday, Easter...)and the stuff lasts for like 60 cups of coffee...you do the math :)

Kandinsky Calendar Every other calendar in the world is too...girly or manly or just kind of cheesy or stupid or fruity or animaly...while I have a cat calendar at school and I'm sure John would love a Dave Matthews calendar or something stupid like that, this is one we could both agree on. And it's a good conversation piece. And it makes us look educated and artsy and stuff. And Kandinsky is one of our favorites. So you may not like it. Because we like odd things.

Back to work!

It's back to school for me, and I'll be there all weekend. I'm excited for a new semester and already exhausted at the same time. Teaching has its ups and downs, but I am so grateful we get the vacations that we do. However, I am all for the year round school plan. HOWEVER, if school was year round I really would probably spend most of my breaks in the classroom...so maybe having summers off is good. I can also spend time during summers to get another job or work on a hobby.

Speaking of hobbies, does anyone have any suggestions of some hobbies I could pick up?

Not to be impish or anything...

...but did Hillary Duff get cheek implants? Dude, she looks weird. I LOVED her as Lizzie Maguire. She was so cute! And I saw part of that "Life Size" movie with Lindsay Lohan as a little kid... Anyway, what is happening to these girls?

Ewwww. Stop getting plastic surgery, anorexia and stuff. And, oh my gosh, Paris Hilton, how could you steal Michelle Tanner's boyfriend? How ruuude.

Ten Things in Our Bathroom You Gotta (at least) Try (mostly if you're female)

1. Bath and Body Works True Blue Spa "Pretty in Zinc" SPF 45 for face Hey, burned skin is gross. This SPF isn't greasy, looks good, doesn't make me break out, etc. The only thing is, if you want SPF to work, you have to keep re-applying, so I'm told.

2. Clinique Happy Heart perfume and roller application thingy. I love to put on this stuff, because you just roll it all over, and it gets this very small amount everywhere. It's perfect--and spray doesn't wastefully fall to the bathroom floor.

3. Aveeno Daily Moisturizer (unscented) This stuff is great because it really, really is unscented. So John and I can both use it. Plus, I got it for Christmas from a student, so it came with all these different sized bottles. So I keep one in my purse, the car...everywhere. And it doesn't ruin the smell of my perfume.

4. Bed Head Manipulator This stuff (it's a sort of pomade) is great if you don't fine hair or hair that easily looks greasy. It's perfect for hair emergencies. I don't use it very often, but when my hair isn't cooperating, a tiny bit of this fixes it.


5. Neutrogena Advanced Solutions Facial Peel How glad am I that exfoliating with avocado peel is just not the thing anymore? I've discovered that my face is actually very low maintenance and that perhaps I was overdoing it a bit. Store bought microdermabrasion stuff is kinda pricey for things you get at Target or the grocery store, but they are totally worth it...you only use a very little bit every week. It lasts like a year.

6. Bath and Body Works True Blue Spa foot care kits I personally feel that these products are overpriced, so I never buy them myself. I just ask for them in gift exchanges. They are certainly things you can probably live without, but are oh-so-nice to receive.

7. Multi-Vitamin of choice... When I take my vitamins (which is actually pretty rare) the most immediate and noticeable difference to me is my skin, hair, and nails. I'm sure the vitamins are doing great things on the inside, too, which is of course even more important.

8. Loreal Paris Lineur Intense I never thought I'd be able to apply liquid eyeliner. However, this stuff is so easy to apply. Gotta try this one.

9. Loreal Paris Infallible Make-Up This is the best foundation I've ever had. I don't know if stuff like Estee Lauder or something is better, but I think this might be the best thing you could possibly get at Walgreen's.

10. Oil of Olay Age Defying Daily Renewal Cream I personally think this ranks better than any other Walgreen's-level lotion. I have tiny sample of Estee Lauder stuff that is pretty good, but this is much more worth the price.

Rosa and the Half-Blood...Housewife?

It's 4 am. My time is all messed up because John works overnight and I don't work (because it's Christmas break for all of us teachers). So I sleep, sleep, sleep. And I cook. And I iron. And I do laundry. And I watch "I LOVE THE 90's!" so that I can become an expert of 90's Trivial Pursuit and one day, one day I will defeat the remarkably trivial mind of John. I came close tonight, but I always get stuck on the computer/technology questions.

When I do laundry, I start the washer and add laundry detergent. Then I add the clothes, bit by bit, because our laundry baskets actually hold clean, folded clothes from the last time I did laundry...so my arms are what carries dirty laundry to the washer. I have no idea why the clothes never end up in the dresser drawers. Anyway, this involves a lot of walking back and forth, so Rosa thinks it's cute to lay right in the middle of the kitchen, on her back so that her fuzzy belly fur is all over the place, and she attacks my feet as I walk past.

Since I am home more often since December 22nd (the last day of school), Rosa is in Cat Heaven. We are B.F.F.s. So, when John gets home and lies down (to sleep), Rosa attacks his feet. Because, when John isn't there, Rosa sleeps with me. But when John is here, she attacks him, lays on him, rubs her nose in his face, puts her butt or tail in his face, etc...

She's the perfect cat. Why? Because I'm her favorite person. That's the great thing about cats. ;-)

Happy New Year!

Well, it is 2006. Now I'll have the darndest time trying to get my students to write 1-8-06. I kept thinking it was 2006 like in April, so I don't think I will have too much trouble making the switch this year.

New Year's Eve is always kind of sucky for me. Seriously, I don't think I've ever gone to a party or anything that was actually fun on New Year's. I always go to parties that try to be fun, but they end up failing--miserably.

To "ring in the New Year" (how much do I hate cliches?), we went to John's brother's, Mark's, and Jen's (his girlfriend) for New Year's and it was okay. I mean, it was like a normal night with people we don't normally hang out with (except Mark and Jen). Jen, her sister and I watched 48 hours mystery. It was a lame episode. The guys played poker. John fell asleep at 11:50 and I had to wake him up at 11:58. We left their house at 12:15. We're real partiers.

So I probably fell asleep at 2 am and I slept non-stop until 3 pm. Our pastor said that as we get older, we won't be able to sleep past noon. So I've decided to sleep as much as I can before it's too late.

:)