Owen Michael, 7 months

Our sweet Owen is now seven months old and his personality is starting to really shine.  He is sweet and happy, super cuddly, a go-getter, a seeker and a finder.  I think he is a genius!  He has the physical abilities Josiah did at a young age (waving bye bye already, rolling balls back and forth) but has this way of studying, looking at people, and babbling like Maryn did as a baby.  He doesn't really look at books with us like the other two did.  He attacks them!  He attacks all the touchy-feely books and every other kind of book rather aggressively.  Even his kisses are pretty aggressive!  He pats us on the back aggressively, too.  It's adorable. He has said da-da for a while, but has progressed into saying what sounds just like "Hey Dada!" all the time. I think he calls everyone dada.

He loves to wave at me while I'm nursing him, right in front of my face, with a smile so big!

He is very easy to engage.  Playing with him and cuddling him is addicting.  But he does very well just sitting on the floor and observing or even sitting by himself for a while.  I often sneak into his bedroom to grab something and find him just laying there awake, playing with his hands.

He loves bath time, loves his brother and sister, and loves to play with crinkly things and balls.  He can always find paper and has, ahem, choked on paper more than once.  :)  He is a big boy.  A whopping 20 pounds, and tall too!

It amazes me that all our children look and act so different.  We love you, Owen!

Here's a post about Maryn at 7 months.  http://mandilu.blogspot.com/2009/04/cute-little-bully.html

Great Expectations

Tonight is just one of those nights I need to sit down and write.  I remember these nights.  They happened long ago when I had time to think and even write down my thoughts.  It seems nights like this are rare.  But all three children are in bed at 10 pm, for once, and here I am in front of a screen when I should be climbing into bed.

It's safe to say we are all a little shaken by the events that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT on Friday.  While I was obviously disturbed and upset by what happened there, I, in usual fashion, went on with my days just like all other days.  Not really thinking, not really feeling, not really praying about any of it.

Expectations

My expectations of this season were pretty big.  Since we found out we were having a baby and that baby would be born in May, I've been looking forward to this Christmas.  How fun it will be to have a four year old, a two and a half year old, and a seven month old at Christmas?  Perhaps I will remember this Christmas for the rest of my life.  Owen's chubby little hands clawing at wrapping paper and delighted smiles at every new toy.  Josiah's sweet giggles and frosting-smeared grins.  Maryn spontaneously combusting with excitement.

And here we are...in the middle of the Christmas season.  So many children were killed.  Babies not returned to their mamas that day.  And here I am...trying to get things done, getting frustrated with my kids, dragging them around to a million things each day, pumping them with sugar and then trying to have special moments in front of the fire or reading Christmas stories or singing Christmas songs...but then someone poops or bites or hits (for my family, it's usually poop) and everything is not perfect.  Reality sets in.

When Jesus came to earth, he came in a way no one expected.  He did not overthrow the government like most Jews expected.  He fulfilled prophecies which seem so obvious to many of us now, but he was not what a lot of people expected, so they didn't recognize him as Messiah.  So many Jewish people did not know he was their King.  I read this question in my advent book today:  "Have you ever had the experience of being disappointed because your expectations clashed with reality?"

"Have you ever had the experience of being disappointed because your expectations clashed with reality?"

Do you know that this is my life?  That I have very clear expectations in my head of almost everything.  In some ways, this is a gift.  As a teacher especially, it was helpful.  I could plan our day and foresee problems or potential downfalls.  As a parent, this is not as huge of a gift.  Expect the unexpected is what they say, isn't it?  Honestly, my expectations are so huge, that this little "gift" has become a huge, whopping sin.  I have no idea how I never saw it before.  I see it there, right in the middle of my life, like a giant spider with its legs outstretched, reaching every corner of my existence.  My expectations.  Destroying friendships, messing up all my relationships, my jobs, my days.

This is the same sin as God's own people, the Jews, who were so familiar with all the prophecies and still mostly rejected Jesus as Messiah.  It's a big deal.

I think of the sweet older women who plead with young mothers to enjoy this time with my kids.  It goes so quickly.  Yes, yes I know, but...but...what?

I give up.  I can't do anything right.  Even when I am trying so, so hard.  The answer, CLEARLY, is Jesus.  I pray he would remove my fuzzy lenses of expectations and show me reality this Christmas.  Maybe reality is something to be embraced, enjoyed and experienced without fear and without reservation.  Without a plan and without financial backing.  Jesus wasn't what anyone expected.  He was so much more, and I know he has a better way for me, too, than the one I've been living.

Surgery

So one of the reasons I haven't posted is because Google says I have to pay more money to load pictures on here.  Boo.  I think we'll figure something out soon though.  I just wanted to jot down a few things here tonight.

We took Josiah to an ENT a few weeks ago and the doctor thought that Josiah's tonsils and allergies were not bad enough to require surgery till he was older.  I told the doctor at that appointment I was worried about his sleep because it seems like he stops breathing in his sleep, but the doctor kind of looked at me like I was crazy and said we could record the sound of him sleeping on our phone and bring it in for him to listen.  So we did and the doctor agreed he does indeed have some sleep apnea.  Also, yesterday at his appointment, his tonsils looked miserable (far worse than our first appointment) and his ears still had fluid in them, so the doctor wants to get his adenoids and tonsils out as soon as possible and possibly put tubes in his ears.

I am feeling so relieved!  I have expected and wanted Josiah to have this surgery since he was born.  He's always sounded awful to me while he sleeps but our pediatrician and every other doctor that has seen him has said he sounds fine.  But he doesn't sound fine at night at all and has always had weird waking up issues, including sleep walking and talking.

But when we got home I opened the folder the ENT office gave us and the pamphlet right inside is titled "Pediatric Surgery," and ugh, those words give me the shivers.  Sooooooo instead of just floating through this surgery thing like it's nothing, I am going to try to practice letting myself feel and be emotional, and yet cast all my anxiety on God, because He cares for me, and He cares for our sweet boy Josiah!

I think this surgery is going to mean great changes for him.   I think he will sleep a lot better, feel a lot better, be much more active (yay) in some ways but maybe more attentive in some ways, too.  He's gone through life feeling tired, I think, and honestly John and I are pretty tired, too!

Here's to a more comfortable life and better sleep.  Your prayers are greatly appreciated!  We have never gone through anything like this with our kids before!  Usually I am the one having surgery and for some strange reason I really prefer it that way.

Maryn is jealous.  Of course.  :-p

Mommy Wars Update

I didn't take a shower last night.  After I finished that post, I looked down at Owen and he smiled so big up at me.  Then he spit up all over himself and I had to change him.  Once his wet jammies were off he looked so cute with all his fat, chubby rolls, that I ended up cuddling and tickling him until I just took him to bed at 10:20.

John got home at 12:30 am, apparently, and while he was winding down on the couch Josiah and Maryn both woke up at different times.  Maryn was wet.  John took care of that.  Josiah was sleepwalking.  John led him back to his bed.

Josiah somehow did end up sleeping with us.

I showered at 6:30 am.  Owen stayed in the bed with John, and Josiah watched Blue's Clues, while I showered.  Then Owen and Maryn woke up, John went back to bed, and I got ready while they all played in the living room.  The tricky part was that I could NOT come out of the bathroom or else Owen would see me and cry.

Then I served in the two year old class at church and had three two year olds to myself for one miserable hour.

And I was very happy to come home to my three kids who are much cuter and tolerable...because they are mine and because I love them!  :)

Mommy Wars ;-)

Okay, so I'm just really confused about how mothers function.  I know this is a fun season of life that will pass really quickly, and that in many ways the school age years and the teenage years will be even more difficult, exhausting or emotionally draining.

Right now, I have one kid who stays up late (usually he's up till 11 at least) and wakes up every 2-4 hours at night, and obviously ends up sleeping with us in our bed because I can't possibly stay awake enough to nurse him sitting up and put him back in his bed.  But I'm stuck sleeping in this awkward position which kills my back because I've gotten so out of shape, blah blah blah.

The other kid rises before the sun.  Sometimes he's not even actually awake.  But sometimes he wakes up at 2 am, 3 am, and just doesn't know it's not time to get up yet.  And he also ends up sleeping with us because we're not even sure what happens or how he got into our bed until his foot ends up kicking us in the head or his butt lands in our face.  But at least he hasn't been fighting bed time like he used to--he went months and months fighting bed time.  I almost completely threw in the towel and was even making him sleep in the bathroom for nap times because he seemed to prefer it to his bed.

The other child does just fine at night other than the fact she refuses to wear Pull Ups and we have to wake her up to pee, sit her on the potty even while she's pretty much asleep and falling over, and even then she often still pees the bed and I have to wash her sheets, her pee sheet, her quilt and sometimes even her pillow every. single. day.  And this child also does not take a nap.  I do make her take a "quiet time," but let's face it:  It's just not the same.

So my question tonight, as I sit here with baby number three playing at my feet, is when should I take a shower for church?  Should I do it at 11:00 after baby is in bed, or should I do it at some point in the early morning hours when all three kids seems to be asleep?  I can't ask my hubby for help...he's working late, and will need to sleep so that he can go with us to church.  This is just one of the many types of dilemmas I face. It might not seem like a big deal, but it wears on a person...you know?

I'm not sure if I am the only mother with young children who feels this way.  I know many mothers with young kids who walk around like normal people, dressed and looking great, who seem very put together and like they are managing things just fine.  Are they for real?  Is there a secret housekeeper hiding in their closets?  Are they really that kind to their kids all the time?  Are they really not freaking out about anything?  WHY do they look so....rested?

FlyLady has been a tremendous blessing and I do feel like our house is "clean," and is usually just 15 minutes away from being "company ready," but do you have any idea (I mean, do you have a clue?!) what it takes to get it that way and keep it that way?  I feel like I am going non-stop--everything is planned, plotted, etc.  Even sitting down and watching a show at night with John is just because I feel like I should, and I sit and watch it still feeling like I should be doing something else, or thinking about what I should do tomorrow, or regretting that I didn't do what I should have done an hour ago.

I know you'll say, "Amanda, you need a break!  Go get some coffee.  Have a friend over for tea.  Go work out in the mornings, go do this and have a hobby and set a timer and kiss your babies and have a date night and read your Bible and pray and paint your nails, blah, blah, blah whatever...."

I know!  I know I'm caught up in works righteousness.  All you need is grace, grace, Lord give me grace!  Some days though, when I've gotten by on 5 or less hours of sleep a night for 3 weeks straight, I just consistently feel like the grace in my gas tank is running on empty.

And those are my thoughts tonight, as I try to get a shower.  I am going to stick this baby in the exersaucer, pull it into the bathroom, and I am going to take a shower.  If it's the last. thing. I. do.

Special Moments

Maryn is figuring out reading!  And here she is doing a little word family game from Aunt Cathy.

These two are getting really close.  Maryn is so great with him.

Josiah loves to play with the rice while Maryn paints and draws and colors.

I love to do real art (rather than just "crafts"), and I am grateful I have such a gifted  student.  Josiah is doing very well painting and coloring as well.  I am so excited :)

Neighbors Elise, Bekah and I got together and made these sweet wreaths!  Guests are supposed to write on the leaves what they are thankful for.  So far Maryn has added to the wreath:  Art Supplies and People.  Ha!

This is Maryn laughing at Josiah as he drank his paint water.

This is an adorable painting of The Princess and the Pea!

Josiah is quite a handful lately.  I wondered why they were being so quiet.   He and Maryn had spread very thick, expensive shea baby lotion in their hair, on their clothes, and all over their bodies.

I guess things like this are a rite of passage.

And this sweet baby.  I just have no words.

He's sitting up pretty well.  And drooling a lot.

So cute I could just die.  :)

I love age four!

We had neighbors over for some crafting with contact paper!

Such a great craft.

Okay I know most of you think this is lame, but Maryn's phonetic spelling is getting pretty good.  I have Evelyn and Riley to thank for Maryn's recent brain spurt.  She hasn't stopped writing and reading since they left.  I

I have so many things I want to write about.  Really, I do.  But I have not slept well in days (months?).  My kids are finally all asleep at the same time, and I am going to bed.

But I think I'll post the draft of my homework assignment I'm still working on for my Biblical Parenting class. Just because it's already written. Here it is:

"In the following paragraphs, I will discuss one behavior of two of our three children which we would like to improve upon and a plan for training each child away from a path of sin and foolishness, onto a path of wisdom.

                Maryn is four years old and has already displayed behaviors and attitudes that suggest she has some “pride and performance” issues.  She wants to be the very best at everything.  She is performance driven, thrives on praise and shrinks from fear of man. 

                I must be careful in my approach with Maryn as we plan to home school and I am very much performance driven myself.  I hope to not “use her” as proof of my success or giftedness as a teacher and as a mother.  I also need to be sure I am not using scare tactics to get her to obey or submit to my authority.  We need to be praying with her, always sharing the gospel with her, and reminding her that true joy is found in Christ alone. We must “look for opportunities to direct [her] to eternal pleasures.” 

                Josiah is two years old and seems to idolize pleasure and sensuality.  He must always be active, and while this is probably typical for boys this age, and maybe most boys of any age, we want to make sure we don’t let him become addicted to constant entertainment, media, or constant thrill seeking.  We want him to be able to be still, to be comfortable while traveling, visiting an elderly neighbor, or when going to bed.  We have had terrible trouble with getting him to stay in his bed. 

                To help Josiah down a healthier road, we plan to use less media and to think about what media we do use in our home.  We are currently staying away from video and computer games but as far as television and movies go, we are going to limit how much and how often we use them and what types of shows are watched.  Slower paced, more realistic shows and movies, with valuable plots for example, are more acceptable than the shows with short snippets of various unrelated things.

                I also hope to help Josiah understand the ebb and flow of our day.  To have large chunks of just play time, where I am also a little more focused rather than running around like a chicken with my head cut off, using my phone and the internet less, just sitting and enjoying one thing at a time.  Hopefully having a certain flow to our day will assist me when the urge to just turn on the TV comes suddenly out of frustration, fatigue or stress. 

                Our third child is Owen, 6 months, and we are just trying to keep him from putting his fingers in his mouth as we feed him his baby cereal!  J """"

Sibling Sweetness

Ten Sins, and Bible Verses to Remember

For my Seminary Wives Institute class, Biblical Parenting, with Mrs. Danna Stinson, I had to write down ten sins of me and/or my children and a Bible verse to help us out of that sin.  So I am just copying what I came up with here.  A good reference for me!

1.       Fear of Man:  “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”  Proverbs 29:25

2.      Pride:  “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”  1 Peter 5:5

3.      Love of Self (rather than love for others), demanding our own way, or being “bossy:”  “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4.      Covetousness:  “You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.”  2 Corinthians 9:11

5.      Fear and Anxiety:  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your  minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

6.      Anger:  “…bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”  Colossians 3:13

7.      Envy:  “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5

8.     People Pleasing:  “… just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”  1 Thessalonians 2:4

9.      Dishonoring Parents/Authority:  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”  Ephesians 6:1-2

10.  Grumbling and Complaining/Discontentment:  “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”  Philippians 2:14

whaaaat?!

I know it's annoying when bloggers like me don't blog often and then they post a very long (too long) post about everything.  But since my blog is basically for >>> me <<<, I am going to do it anyway and hope you all forgive me :)

FlyLady

I was becoming very overwhelmed with housework.  Things had just started to pile up since Owen was born , and whenever a new family member is added of course, there are more things and more clutter.  Baby clutter is pretty annoying to me because baby items (swings, exersaucers, play yards, spit up rags, bibs, dirty diapers) is pretty unattractive.  It's either in colors too bold or too pastel to be stylish or the item is just too bulky or too stinky.  I like to move baby clutter out ASAP, meaning this baby swing in our living room is driving me crazy.  It needs to go.

Anyway, where do I start?  A few women I know have raved about FlyLady (FlyLady.net) and I decided to just get started.  Then about ten days later a friend of mine started a Facebook FlyLady Accountability group, Kendra joined as well and I was all in, officially.  The book Kendra and I are reading, Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst, has been instrumental in my success thus far.

This weekend I broke some FlyLady rules and decluttered far more than 15 minutes.  We completely decluttered and switched around the kids' rooms.  It just needed to happen, and it needed to happen this weekend--John's weekend off.  Because I couldn't do it by myself.

Every day this room just stressed me out.  I spent most of my time cleaning, cleaning in here before FlyLady.

This was after about 20 minutes of playing yesterday.

Maryn's bed is now in our middle, smaller, bedroom with Owen.

Owen's bed, changing table, Maryn's bed, dresser and most of our kids' books are now in this room.
This includes all of Josiah's clothes as well.

The end room, the bigger room, is now Josiah's bedroom and the play room.  It has all the toys, and some books.

I hope this room stays cleaner!

Ballet

I'm so proud of Maryn in ballet.  She does such a great job.  Our neighbor friend, Ella, is going to ballet now too.  I keep her little brother (18 months) while her mom (Bekah) takes the girls to ballet.  What a tremendous help this is to me!  For some reason Bekah l-o-v-e-s to get out of the house, and I love to stay behind with the boys and have some fun boy time (which Josiah needs anyway).  

Reading

I am so thrilled at the great interest Maryn is showing in reading!  Yay!  She has gone through phases of being very interested in reading.  I notice that both kids are more interested in reading when they see John and I reading a lot.  Since he had two classes this semester and I have my SWI classes, plus other things I'm trying to read, they are both wanting to read so much more.

Maryn's fascination with letters has turned into a fascination with spelling and now-surprise!  Reading too!  She hasn't quite made the connection that she's reading.  I don't think she believes it--that it really could be that simple--but I'm guessing she's on her way to figuring it out.  

We started reading Charlotte's Web and surprisingly, she was totally into it.  Then she begged me to get Stuart Little at the library the other day and we're already on Chapter 7!  We also read the first Magic Tree House book, and have several more in the line up.  If you have a favorite chapter book you think we should read, please let us know.

Seminary Wives Institute

I am the proud possessor of a 2.0 grade point average in my SWI classes.  :)   But this semester I was actually able to complete one class, called Embracing Femininity, which was very good, with Mrs. Mohler and Jodi Ware.  Now I am taking Biblical Parenting with Mrs. Danna Stinson.  I am trying to do better, but I did have two late papers in Embracing Femininity just because these kiddos and my hubby (and FlyLady) are keeping me on my toes.   It's just hard to keep all the balls in the air sometimes, isn't it?

Ministry

I loved teaching three year olds in the nursery at church this morning and am praying my dear husband would...Hmm.  Make up his mind.  And tell me what he/we should do next semester as far as serving in our church goes.  I really hope I can get out and chat or serve some of our neighbors more, though.  It's s-a-d that I don't do more.  I just gotta take these kids with me, as Mrs. Stinson says.  Stop trying to schedule things around them and take them with me!  What the heck is my problem sometimes?

Sunday Sweetness

Happy Birthday, Maryn!

I just had to include this adorable pic of my sweet baby.

 On the day of Maryn's actual birthday, I woke up early and Josiah and I made her some yummy cinnamon rolls, which we stuck a 4 candle into and sang her "Happy Birthday" when she awoke.  She ate two whole cinnamon rolls!

Then after Daddy woke up, we got ready for our day and headed to the seminary clinic for SHOTS.  Ah!  I hate shots!  But they all did just fine (Josiah didn't cry one bit!), and haven't had any side effects so far.  Then we had lunch at the seminary, including ice cream sundaes for dessert.  I love college cafeterias.  :)

That night, we made Maryn's recent favorite dinner, Chili Mac, and ate leftover birthday cake and rainbow sherbet.  Then she opened presents from Mommy and Daddy.

Maryn loves to build!  We got her her first set of real Legos.

And a princess Barbie with matching unicorn!

On Sunday afternoon, we had our community's quad cookout but made it Maryn's birthday party as well :). Meaning, the carry-in item we brought was a huge birthday cake!

I just had to add this cute picture of my boys. :)

I love her so much!

Showing off her ballet moves, her new ballet skirt, new shirt and new headband.  Spoiled!

I'm so proud of our sweet girl and the young lady she is becoming.  She has a strong will and a strong mind to match.  John and I are making more of an effort to answer her questions.  We know this is not a behavior she will always possess--someday she will find her answers other places.  We are trying to see these questions as windows into her heart and opportunities to strengthen her mind and thought processes.  We love how she makes us think, and appreciate all she teaches us every day.  Being her parents is anything but easy, but it sure is a gift.

An Evening with the Erdmans

 We like being silly with Daddy on the couch after dinner.

 And then we sometimes have some drawing time.  Mommy draws animals.

 Maryn makes birthday cakes, flowers, or rainbows...

 Josiah colors and makes beautiful circles.

 Daddy draws weird geometric shapes.

by Josiah

 I love evenings with my family.  :)