I'm certainly not doing THAT crap again. Ever.

As most of you know, we chose the natural childbirth route last time. And Maryn was two weeks late. Our midwife tried lots of little "midwife tricks." Though I appreciated my midwife for many, many other reasons, I did not appreciate her tricks. 1.) They didn't work. 2.) Most people and every research study says they never work.

The other day I came across this post about castor oil, which was one of the things we tried to stimulate labor. And I felt it was my duty to pass on the word that this is the most awful thing ever, and never try it. No matter how late you are! Like the woman in this post, it just made me sore, exhausted and miserable. Not what you want at 10+ months pregnant.

In fact, the only method that is suspected to work in stimulating labor is pumping. But you have to pump (breast pump) a lot. A LOT.

Mommy Anxiety: There really is a bigger picture.

Long ago, near the beginning of time, Satan told a little lie to Eve. This lie planted a seed of doubt in her heart that perhaps God didn't really love her. It is that lie that changed our lives forever, making us believe we can't rely on God. We have to do things on our own to get by. We have to plan. We have to control this and that. And as mothers, we often fear tragedy. What if something happens? Anything could happen at any time to us, to our husbands, or to our sweet babies.

I have been particularly anxious during this pregnancy and now I'm growing more and more nervous about that little part of labor called an.......episiotomy.......ughhhh, there I said it. If you don't know what it is, please don't worry your innocent little head. This little word and her counterpart (tearing) pretty much paralyze me with fear and dread. Because that is the only major part of labor I didn't get to experience last time, and I have heard plenty of stories to fill my mind with terror. This fear may seem silly compared to those BIGGER fears, like death, serious illness, etc. But any fear can become overwhelming, debilitating, paralyzing--from the silliest to the most dire. And right now my friends, the fear of an episiotomy is pretty overwhelming for me.

Worrying about this and worrying about ANYTHING is extremely silly. Worry goes back to that little lie Satan told Eve and it's the same little lie he tells us today. God doesn't really love you. He didn't really mean not to eat the fruit. Of course He wants you to be happy. God just wants you to be happy (have a c-section, girlfriend! Then you don't have to worry about it!).

Worrying about childbirth?

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16

Worrying about cancer?

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16

Worrying about your children?

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16

Worrying about your marriage? Your future? Your finances?

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16

When we FEAR it means we don't get it. We've forgotten we have a Savior. We've forgotten we have an eternal, perfect, heavenly home! We are listening to that little lie. There is no "but..." There are no excuses for fear. Whether it's cancer, whether it's divorce, whether it's death. We have a Savior. We have a heavenly home (you can be sure you do--look here).

"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things...and the God of peace will be with you."

-from Philippians 4: 5-9


We must take these negative, fearful thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5) and REPLACE them with good thoughts. And what better thought is there than this?

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." -John 3:16

Natural Childbirth

Now you all probably know that I am kind of a fan of natural childbirth. I found, after some research, that natural childbirth was best for me and our family a couple years ago. You also probably know that after oh, two days in labor, I had a c-section. I'm okay with that, and I'm glad I had the experience of natural childbirth even if it didn't quite happen all the way. And I still encourage everyone to do their research and make an educated decision.

This time, I am seeing a doctor in an office that also employs midwives. A complete and total miracle in today's medicine. We have spoken with both my doctor and a midwife, and we know there is a pretty large chance of me needing another c-section, but we are going to try a VBAC. I am so grateful for this. My main goal in this pregnancy is NOT to have a c-section.

What's wrong with another c-section? I have had too many surgeries in my life already, including two abdominal surgeries. Plus, we'd like to have more children. Do I want to have FOUR (give or take) c-sections in my life? NO. I don't mind having two, really. But four? No.

Are you going to try natural childbirth again (no drugs)? I am basically going to put myself at the mercy of my doctor this time. If he thinks I need pytocin (the drug they use to induce or make contractions stronger), I am going to accept it. I believe this really would have helped in my last labor because my contractions were NOT strong enough with Maryn. If labor is moving slowly, I am also going to accept an epidural. Not because I am afraid of the pain, but because if this labor results in another c-section, I don't want the pain of the c-section on top of the pain of laboring for hours. John and I have talked about it, prayed about it, and we believe this is best for our family. This time I will not only have a newborn to care for, but also a toddler.

I think I also had some post-traumatic stress after my last labor. I was pushing for so, so long that the pushing sensation actually didn't completely stop for hours (days even) after Maryn was born. I had nightmares, intense pain in my arms, and my jaw is still suffering from all the tension. These are not things that will happen this time around, natural or not, because my doctor will not let the labor progress for as long as my previous midwife let it progress. But the trauma of that experience I know influences my decision this time.

Sidenote: Please do not use my experience to discourage you from natural childbirth. Especially if you can labor in a hospital that employs midwives or is supportive of natural childbirth! You can also hire a doula or midwife to help you at many hospitals. Our doula was a godsend. I do wish I had been in a hospital, but because of Naples hospital being so close-minded towards natural childbirth, the only option for me was a free-standing birth center. I have spoken to former patients of my current doctor and I KNOW that he will do what he can to ensure I have a VBAC, so I trust him. Thank God for doctors like you, Dr. Grady!!!

One reason for not having an epidural is because people say, "You don't feel when to push." Well, I know that I KNOW how to push, so that is not a fear of mine. I know how labor works and I know what I'm doing. So I am making this decision based on what's best for me and my family, not some legalistic "I-must-do-it-this-way" attitude.

And that is my decision, and I feel so good to have made it. I feel it's the right way to go for us, at this time, for sure!

Humbled.

Well, after my ranting about healthy eating (which I do believe I eat healthy most of the time) and lack of healthy eating, I was humbled last night as I curled up on the bathroom floor. It was 10 pm, John was at work, and the pain had been getting worse and worse. In fear that it might really turn awful, I called John asking him to come home. Of course my phone doesn't work very well, so I also texted him. He got home at 10:30 and I felt a good bit better by then.

I know, and I knew last night, that the pain was caused by kidney stones, which I seem to have passed. Lovely, I know. But I know you'll ask if I don't tell you. Anyway, I now know that I really must be drinking more water. I've been drinking less since Maryn started walking. There's not many places to put glasses of water around here. I'm also going to start drinking cranberry juice. Yummy yums! :)

The whole experience reminded me of being in labor, so I practiced some of my pain management techniques. I was SO grateful. I am also so grateful for the experience of natural childbirth, because I was reminded of how that experience brought John, my amazingly supportive labor partner, and I closer. He knows when I'm in pain and when I'm just being dumb. He knows exactly what to do and say when things are tough. A+ John! A+!

Thinking about all that made me pick up my Christ Centered Childbirth book. It is so good. I really think every pregnant woman should read it whether she's considering natural childbirth or not.

I wonder. What do all those epidural women do when they have kidney stones? I bet the experience isn't too pleasant, to say the least.

"The Darker the Night, the Brighter He Can Shine."

Most of these pictures are from yesterday, except I added one of my doula, Annemarie, since most of you didn't get to meet her.

Wow! I have so much to tell you, as we just survived our first night home with Maryn. But first I want to tell you about coming home.

Being checked out of the hospital is quite an ordeal. It was annoying. We were all ready to go but my nurse wasn't coming. We went ahead and put Maryn into the car seat, and despite Maryn loving to be constantly swaddled, she was sleeping just fine in her car seat with her little "Daddy Loves Me" outfit. When the nurse finally came, she was required to ramble on and on about everything I already know and then asked us if Maryn had her blood test done.

Blood test? Seriously. We just got this baby to sleep. She's in her car seat. And we have to do a blood test?

So this guy came in to do the test and John took stuff down to the car. I couldn't even get Maryn out of the car seat because my nails are too long to push the stupid button, so the blood test guy had to do it. He got her out for me, put some weird tape around her ankles, and then he left the room for another 5 minutes to go get the blood stuff. All the while she is unwrapped, which is normally tragedy for her. But she slept soundly.

He came back and John and I watched him prick her arm and her little foot for blood and put drops onto a paper. Maryn remained asleep and absolutely silent. Ah! Miracles!

When I finally climbed into the car, I got all teary. Finally, I was going home. After three days cooped up in that dark medicinal smelling room, I was going home with my family!

Now another part to my story. The most important part!

When I was in labor and we had to drive to the hospital, which is about 3 minutes away, I was having those terrible "pushing" contractions one right after another. They're not that terrible if you're actually allowed to push, but at that point, I was supposed to be "breathing through them." Ha. Well, I really didn't want to have those contractions in the car, so I was just praying in my head:

"Lord Jesus, no contractions, no contractions..."

We had our 33 Miles CD playing randomly and the music somewhat soothed me, and I didn't have ONE contraction the whole way there. Ask John if you don't believe me; this was another small miracle because my contractions had been constant.

When we got into the car to go home from the hospital, I was eager to see what song had been playing. I didn't remember what it was except that it had soothed me. It was "Jesus Calling."

Here is the chorus:

When you see the rushing wind, feel the pouring rain,
Hear the thunder now as the clouds roll in
And you're blinded by the lightning
do you also hear that still small voice saying
It's okay, you're not alone, you may be scared to death,
But I won't let you go
You may think the sky is falling
But can you hear Jesus calling?

And suddenly just everything about preparing for Maryn's birth, planning her birth, preparing for labor, and the way things turned out, everything made perfect sense.

During my labor, even when I was strapped to a table by mean medical staff as if I were being cruicified during horrible contractions, even when I didn't get to hold my baby right away as planned, I was able to praise God. The whole time I was never in a panic. Not because I'm some kind of superwoman (HA!), but because the power of Jesus Christ lives in me.

Please consider purchasing 33 Miles' CD. I'm assigning song #2 to Maryn has her "life song," and our special song. So that means all of you should have it, too!

Maryn Louise

Maryn has arrived!

She was born on September 26 at 3:06 AM after many hours of natural childbirth followed by a C-Section at North Collier Hospital. She was 8 lbs 7 oz and was 20 in long at birth. She and Amanda are both doing really well. Amanda is recovery well from surgery and 30 hours of natural labor. She is very sore and worn out but doing great.

Please feel free to come and visit us at North Collier Hospital today from 11 AM till 8 PM and probably most of the day tommorow starting at 11 AM. We still not sure on when the checkout date will be.

Here are a few pictures for those who can't visit

Amanda holding Maryn for the very first time shortly after arriving in our room recovery.

Here is a close up of her finally sleeping. She loves to be awake she doesn't cry she just wants to look around and see everyone. She tries her best not to fall asleep.

Posted by John look for more photos and updates on our facebook pages.

We're having a baby today!

My water broke at 9:20 lastnight, so the midwife asked that we come in today by 6 am regardless of contractions. So that's what we're doing now. Please pray that the contractions come back soon! I will have to have her within 24 hours of my water breaking.

Apparently, walking on the beach may stimulate labor. So that's what we did tonight. Gorgeous! We too often forget that we live about 10 minutes away from it.

What's Happening NOW (update!)

What's happening now? Nothing. I guess I'm having the regular Braxton-Hicks contractions, which I've been having regularly for a week now, but that's it.

When I first found out I was pregnant, the date September 25th lit up in my head, so maybe that will be the day. Just like the baby being a girl lit up in my head in the same way. Maybe I have the gift of prophecy. :) My mom, either way, will get to experience my labor. I think she was trying to avoid that!

Little Maryn's daddy was three weeks late, so maybe she's just trying to be like him already.

Not a bad person to model yourself after, Maryn. But you're going to drive your mother crazy!

the shower is the best place to cry

every night for the past two weeks, i've had contractions that feel promising. i go to sleep, hoping to wake up in a few hours with contractions so strong i can't sleep any longer. but then i wake up and there's no contractions, no sign of maryn. i pull myself out of bed later and later each day, and nearly cry in the shower. but i don't cry about it because i have a cold and that would make me miserable. and my phone rings and rings and rings and i want people to talk to me, i want them to distract me, but i don't want to talk, either. i don't know what i want people to do or say. i don't even know why i'm so sad because i know i'll have a baby soon no matter what.

Our midwife, Dawn, thinks that I am "teetering on the edge" of labor and wants me to try the castor oil today. I just mix two ounces of it in a fruit smoothie and drink away. It's a pretty aggressive approach to inducing labor and I hear it usually does bring on strong contractions. If you read this before tonight, please pray that it does bring on strong contractions that lead to labor, not strong contractions that lead to nothing, which is another possibility.

We may not be able to update here on the blog for a while, but John may try updating my facebook now and then to let you know how I'm doing. Or he might not. We shall see.


Dear Maryn,

Waiting for you is difficult. Please come soon.

Love,

Mommy

Midwife Tricks

We are officially 8 days late now, but our midwife is kind of changing that because apparently I told them the wrong date of my last cycle. So maybe I'm only 5 days late, which would be a relief. At least I don't feel quite as pressured. If she isn't here by the two week mark (September 28), I'll have to go to the hospital and be induced, so pray that doesn't happen. Induction is, in my mind, the WORST thing that hospitals do.

There are some more natural tricks in the whole labor game, and I've been doing a few. But if Maryn isn't here by Wednesday-ish, we're going to get more aggressive. Here are a few things that we have tried so far (it's a little graphic, so if you're not into it, please stop reading now! Guys...STOP NOW! This is for educational purposes only.).

Christopher's Pre-Natal Formula: These are herbal pills that make me have Braxton-Hicks contractions. It's like exercise for the uterus and helps it become strong and ready for the biggest workout of its life.

Borage Oil: I was taking 12 of these giant pills per day and now, for the next two days, I have to take 25! Borage oil is normally used as an anti-inflammatory, but pregnant women can use it to soften the cervix and pelvic bones.

Stretching...of the cervix. This is what my midwife did to me today...manually...and yes, it hurts as much as it sounds.

But now that she did the stretching and all this other stuff, I am dilated to 3 centimeters! This is very good news, as active labor begins around 4 centimeters, and sometimes even 3. Here are a few more midwife tricks we might be trying eventually:

Breast Stimulation: Ugh. I know this sounds weird. From one article I read, this is, apparently, the only thing that actually does work aside from drugs. And it's not what you think. You just hook yourself up to a breast pump and let it go at it. Simple enough, I guess.

Castor Oil: This is what I'm supposed to try around Wednesday, kind of a last resort. I just put some of this nasty stuff in a fruit smoothie and drink away. Eck.


So basically what I'm trying to say is: Pray, pray, pray that this baby comes this weekend!

He's Got the Little Bitty Babies in His Hands...

I know to some of you this will sound really stupid and cheesy but here goes. Since I was about 5 months pregnant, I've been singing this song to Maryn, complete with motions on my belly that she seems to love and respond to:

He's got the whole world in his hands (rub a big circle on belly)
He's got the whole world in his hands
He's got the whole world in his hands
He's got the whole world in his hands (by this point she's usually very excited)

He's got the little bitty babies in his hands... (rock the baby back and forth, by moving hips and holding her on both sides)

He's got the mommies and daddies in his hands... (pat belly on either side, taking turns, which she ends up tapping back in the same places, as if she's playing patty-cake with her feet)

I was singing this song to her this morning. I can feel her body so clearly. Little feet, little knees, and her skinny little bottom! But today I got so choked up singing it. I thought yesterday could be the day, and that I'd be singing it to her, looking into her beautiful eyes by now. But she's not here yet, and I feel like I miss her like an old friend. I know it'll probably be only a few days, but when you miss someone this much, every day just gets tougher.

I am being patient, I feel patient, and I'm feeling great otherwise. I just want her here soon.