life got ya down?

Oh boy!  I just had a really rough day.  Basically because I am way, way overcommitted.  Too busy.  I do not like being busy.  I'm not really sure what I can cut out at this point, either.  Hmph.

Our little family has been waiting for a promotion for John for quite some time now, and I think it's weaving discontentment in our hearts.  "If we had x more dollars each week we could buy x..." and so on.  We've been here two years now and we love it.  I mean, we seriously love it so much.  We love our neighborhood, we love seminary, we love Target, I love being a SAHM, etc.  But really, a decent woman (living in America) needs more than two bras in her dresser (and only one is comfortable, and it's black so therefore can't be worn with everything).  You know?  It's stuff like that that is just wearing on me.  Buying shoes, buying socks, worrying about John hating me for spending too much on groceries, eating beans and rice all the time, living like an unhealthy vegetarian and not by choice.  So please pray for us if you think of it, that God would remind us each moment that he is good.  That we would be able to set our minds on things above and not these trivial things.

I say all this because I know some of you are in the same boat (or some day will be).  For whatever reason,  you're just scraping by.  But I wouldn't trade my life for the world, and not because of my wonderful husband or my adorable kids.  At least I hope this is true, and I want to believe it:  My hope must be in Christ.  He is the only one I can truly depend on, believe, trust, or have faith in.  He is the only one who is good, just, and full of grace and mercy.  No employment, promotions, children, or marriage can compare with His goodness.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good!  Blessed is he who takes refuge in the LORD!  The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."

And now for a completely random photo update courtesy of the iphone camera.  Because no, we haven't bought a camera card yet.  And Josiah...doesn't have shoes.  Nevermind that too!

 Hanging out with our new neighbor friend from Nepal.

 School the other day, doing interesting things with her lacing buttons.

 Daddy doing school with Maryn...playing a very cute dice and coloring game...perfect for Maryn (because she loves coloring but not math so much).

Mara (5) has been coming to our house on Fridays to keep a busy little almost-three-year-old busy...

 Josiah reading his book.

And Maryn trying to read the book to him:

I love my babies.

Peace.  :)

An Empty Barn is a Clean Barn: Confidence in Motherhood, Pride in Our Messes :)

Before I get into this post, let me explain.  We live around A LOT of families.  Most of the families we interact with are seminary families, and most of those seminary families consist of a stay at home mom with at least two children.  We are coming up on that time of year where everyone is outdoors almost all day, and our backyard is packed full of kids.

I have learned so much from the moms in our neighborhood.  Most of the time their words and their examples have been encouraging.  But sometimes (not just in our neighborhood, but everywhere), I come into contact with a mom who is MUCH more lenient than I am, and sometimes I come into contact with a mom who is MUCH more strict than I am.

Come into our backyard and you might find Maryn (and MOST of the other kids) jumping off picnic tables, digging in the mud, decorating other little girls' hair with grass (what some would call "throwing grass"), running about in areas where I can't see her without some sort of effort, and laying on blue tarps being pulled around like a sack of potatoes.  Sometimes I literally turn my head so I don't have a heart attack.

But there are some moms who bring adult scissors outside to let their two year olds cut paper.  Or there are moms who step outside while their little kids take baths inside.  Or there are moms who are okay with leaving their kids inside to watch TV and eat GRAPES while they chat outside.  YIKES.

-Those moms are not like me, and that's okay.

There are also moms that demand their two year old sit on their bottoms on the BENCH of the picnic table and take them inside for discplinary action when they try to sit on their knees to eat their cut-into-a-million-tiny-unchokable-pieces of hot dog.  There are moms who do NOT let their kids play in the mud or run around with popsicles (for fear of stains and dear-Heavenly-Father-SIX grams of sugar may kill my child and ruin him forever!).

-Those moms are not like me, and that's...well, they might need counseling.  But I bite my tongue and hope that my winsome little girl and my laid back attitude (assuming they can't see that I'm grinding my teeth like crazy while my child spreads mud throughout her hair) will somehow bless them and help them realize--

Not everything is a huge deal.  Not everything is cut and dry.  Not everything is black and white.  Not everything can be down to a science.  And nothing will ever be perfectly clean or perfectly finished or perfectly perfect.

"Where no oxen are, the manger is clean,
but much increase comes by the strength of the ox."
-Proverbs 14:4

I shall close with a quote from the book I am reading, Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski (I seriously may hang this on our wall):

"Oh, I suppose a mother could keep things neat as pin if her goal was to have just one or two "low maintenance" children of the "sheltered" variety to whom she selfishly communicated, "Just go to your room and don't bother us."  But if a mother is bent on raising up mighty children, capable children, bold, brave, daring, adventuresome, God-fearing, dominion-minded children, then she needs to kiss goodbye any aspirations of immaculate tranquility.  Oxen who go out and turn the soil over, and children who go out and turn the world upside down, make messes.  But the woman of dominion is willing to pay the price of domestic upheaval for the prospects of kingdom benefit.

There will be more corner cobwebs than you'd like, because instead of obsessively cleaning, you'll be nursing, teaching to read and ride bikes, and telling bedtime stories."

Did they read my blog?!

I just got this invitation in my e-mail.

Who?          All Ladies of the Seminary Community
 
What?         "Emotions:  Can I Control Them?"

Presented by Dr. Janice Seifrid, 

Associate Director of Women's Leadership and 

Assistant Professor of Women's Leadership

wwjd?

I personally kind of hate that.  WWJD?  It's pretty much the most annoying little slogan ever.  But really (really!) what would Jesus do?

I have recently come into contact with a very angry Christian.  It's not that what this person says is untrue.  But they say it all in the wrong contexts, at the wrong time, to the wrong people, in the absolutely wrong way with the harshest tone. 

It has convicted me as well as shown me how far God has brought me.  I never thought being in Seminary would actually teach me to be more loving...


but it has.  Go figure, huh? 

I am so grateful for my SWI classes and the loving, strong, wise women that surround me here.   For a husband who can say so much in five words or less.  For good books that help me stay on my feet.  And for God's Word that teaches me about His character every day. 

Still in the process.

There are two reasons I know I am human, two reasons I know God is still sanctifying me, two reasons I know I am a member of a fallen race and am in desperate need of Jesus, two reasons I should NOT be a seminary wife and two reasons why my husband and I should be kicked straight outta the Southern Baptist denomination. The good news is that He has saved me. It is finished! And though I am fallen and still despicable, God loves me. Two reasons, two ways He reminds me I need him.

1. I love the Twilight series.

2. I really *kind of* liked Avatar.

I honestly know ALL the reasons why these two things are totally worldly and sinful. There was even a chapel service at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary (John's school) basically covering why Avatar is so dangerous for our culture. I told John we shouldn't watch that movie. I told him we shouldn't watch it because I knew I might like it. I was even reading Scripture out loud as the movie began. I know--I'm somewhat turning into a nun maybe? But I still kind of loved it.

Twilight, Avatar, Harry Potter...I just love make believe worlds and species. All the creativity that goes into these fictional characters and places. I am in awe of how writers think of these things. And true, I don't like a lot of things about Twilight, Avatar, and Harry Potter. I GET why parents keep their kids away. I mean, could Bella Swan be more obsessive and annoying? Would I let my teenage daughter read those books? No. Would I run out to buy one of my school age children a Harry Potter magic kit, complete with an invisibility cloak? No (and no way would John ever let Maryn read Harry Potter, lol). And honestly, I don't think I'd recommend Avatar to anyone, but for ME (me!) it's okay because I Like It A Lot. But when it comes down to it, I probably just should NOT have read those books in the first place, or watched that movie. But I did. :-p

So don't judge too harshly here, because I'm just being honest with you. And maybe some of you more sanctified people can counsel me out of my sinful ways.

OR we could secretly hide out one night and watch New Moon since I've only seen it twice. I won't tell anyone if you won't tell anyone. ;-)

The Perfect Plan, the Perfect Life

"She encourages me to be the mom I need to be." -Mrs. Michelle Duggar about her friend Kelly.

I am so grateful to my friends and family who can lovingly guide me, who can gently encourage me, who can cry with me and laugh with me...and even laugh AT me sometimes! I have a lot to learn, it is true, but so do you. And we'll never know it all, but we do the best we can.

Sometimes we make decisions based on what our society tells us or based on our own family traditions. Sometimes we jump out in blind faith and sometimes we know. Sometimes we know this is just right, this is what God wants for us, this is where we are supposed to be.

I shouldn't have to defend myself to my family and friends as to why we chose not to be on birth control or whatever at this time, why we decided to have a second baby. But those of you who know me know and understand and that's really all that matters. And I know there's a time to wait and a time to be a working mom and a time to be a stay at home mom. If you know my history and my background, you KNOW I know that. And if you know me, you know why we chose the route we chose. I will not defend myself to anonymous, judgmental, hateful people.

Also, if you know me, you know that we waited three years into our marriage to have children, we DO have degrees and John is getting his Master's, and I don't regret waiting for a period of time. And we had no money, then we had lots of money, and then we had no money...and I've learned from that experience that you cannot plan out the perfect life.

But you know, somehow God has blessed us in it all, and I don't know why He chose to do it that way. But I am grateful and I hope I can be faithful. Though we surely weren't able to plan the perfect life, and nothing is really happening the way we planned it, our life together (John and me) contains so many glimpses into Heaven that it overwhelms me sometimes. Nothing in this world is perfect, but all things work to His glory. When things are hard and I just want to cry (or die), I just hold on to those truths I know about God and His plan for this world.

So please don't be hateful towards the choices we have made, the mistakes we are bound to make, and the foolish things I sometimes write or say or do. It's really a waste of your time to dwell on the silly things that are going on in my crazy head. I am a human, as are you. And I am usually just doing the best I can the best way I know how.

Isn't it just my luck.

I had to run to the grocery store today because we were short on ingredients for our Mexican casserole. Ahhhh Mexican casserole! I've been craving it for about two years. So John finally called his mother for the recipe. I'll share it with you at the end of this post. It's a winner!

Anyway, my hair looked awful today. It looks awful pretty much every day. I haven't figured out how to do it. I need one of those BIG curling irons, I think. If I don't get one, I think I'm going to have to get my hair cut shorter. It's really thick and longer in the back and looks STUPID. But...if I get it cut shorter I will look just like Carol Brady. Sigh. What to do. Billy Ray Cyrus or Carol Brady? I'm not sure which is worse.

Well, what do you know, I saw someone I knew. Another seminary wife, looking very seminary beautiful and buying very seminary perfect food from the organic section. And there I was, with my nasty hair, a can of enchilada sauce, two cans of refried beans and a box of Butterfinger Minis. LOVELY.

It's a good thing we didn't plan on making beer can chicken!

Well, the good thing was that I got to see a sweet friend and we had a great little conversation walking out to our cars. I also know that she is too sweet to judge me based on my hair, my Butterfingers, or even my refried beans. And that's the good thing about seminary. When I start to feel less than worthy, I am always reassured somehow and usually immediately of His mercy and provision--when it comes to everything from money, to hair, to friends.

Here's your recipe:

Mexican Casserole

This recipe is very easy to adjust for your tastes. Add less or more cheese, substitute veggies for the beef, add more beef and less beans, or use medium or hot enchilada sauce for some extra zip. You can serve this with some shredded lettuce, sour cream, etc., but it's very good on its own. Oh, and Maryn LOVED it. It's very toddler friendly, aside from the mess.

16 oz cheddar cheese (we use 32 oz. of Mexican cheese)
1 lb browned ground beef (sometimes we use sausage instead)
1 can refried beans (we use 1 1/2 cans refried black beans)
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can evaporated milk
1 can enchilada sauce (10 oz)
1 bag flour triangular tortilla chips

Line a 13x9 baking dish or pan with foil (not necessary but this stuff is hard to clean up). Heat the soups, enchilada sauce and evaporated milk in a medium sauce pan. In the baking dish, layer the ingredients in this order: chips (it's okay if they overlap and if there are some holes), 1/2 of the beef, 1/2 of the sauce mixture, 1/2 of the beans, and 1/2 of the cheese. Repeat layer one more time. Bake for 30 minutes in a 350 degree oven. Allow to cool for at least 5 minutes.

This is a great make ahead meal and tastes super yummy as leftovers! It actually tastes even better the next day. At least I think so.

nothing short of miraculous

Today was almost perfect.

Today was what seminary life is supposed to be like.

Today had no worries. No late fees. No bill collectors calling (well, maybe one or two, but that's pretty good these days).

I made no-bake cookies and delivered some to the kids playing outside, who were absolutely ecstatic about them. I did ask their parents first, of course.

Maryn and I visited with the neighbors for a bit and she cuddled with the neighbor girl on their couch. So cute.

I had a sweet (SWEET) new friend stop over for a few hours. She is (Teri, you'd love her) like a Duggar girl. She is the fifth child of 13 children total, 8 girls and 5 boys, all home schooled in a fantabulous Christian family who "didn't have much, but were happy." She is like sunshine on a rainy day. lol. Her name is Hope. She is young, newly married, and now, thanks to Maryn, very badly wants her own children. Hahaha. We'll do that to you, I guess.

John registered for classes and he is taking a class taught by Donald Whitney, another taught my Tom Schreiner. I know most of you don't know these men, but they are truly gifted scholars. I'll try to get John to write a blog post about what's going on with him, because that's nothing short of amazing either.

We have received so many lovely gifts, in many forms and faces, from God lately. Thank You for those, God, and thank You for giving us open eyes to recognize them. :)

encouraged

My praise list has definitely exceeded my prayer list this week. Thank you, friends and family. And thank God, too. John received a management position at his store. I got new pillows, some sweaters, and some fuzzy socks for my birthday. I spent quality time this past weekend with my mom, my sister and my aunt, Cathy. I have a collection of cards and encouraging letters from friends and family hanging on our closet door.

I feel so blessed.

Thank you so much for your prayers if you are one who has been praying for us. I am astounded at how many people are saying, "God just laid you on our hearts...we had a burden for you...He's placed you in our thoughts so often lately." It is so Amy Carmichael, even though I can't be as quiet and humble as her. God really DOES answer prayer and provide for our needs. His ways are better than a human response to a human plea, or an interest rate on a credit card.

I had a long list of prayer requests in my notebook of some of our basic needs and only one (ONE!) remains--a prayer for a washer and dryer. Many seminary families are leaving as the semester comes to an end, so I am hoping we can acquire a set through them. Please pray for this to happen, as laundry has become increasingly difficult...and there's so much more of it in the winter.

Observations of Poverty in America, Part One

In order to truly observe the impoverished, I have willingly delved into the life of a stay-at-home mother, living on the income of my husband, just above minimum wage, in a low-income apartment building. Okay, so maybe my decision to closely observe poverty didn't exactly come under these circumstances, but I've learned a lot already. Here are a few observations so far after two months here.

The Health Department, WIC, Food Stamps, etc.

Today I took a little trip to the Health Department. Well, it isn't Naples, that's for sure. I'll tell it all in detail, assuming someone out there may find all this interesting.

I pull into the parking lot realizing this is yet another government building here in KY that has a library attached to it. Weird. I sit in the lot a while to allow Maryn to finish her nap, calling Alicia because this is actually a place where I can get a signal, and it's her birthday.

After wandering the halls of this strange, foul smelling, old and crusty building, I find a little room with a sign "Health Department." Really, it was like something out of a horror movie.

The waiting room was filled with mostly 20-somethings, mostly couples, and their young children. Everyone is either white or Hispanic. I say this because I've noticed this area is mostly white or Hispanic--although there are several other nationalities represented in our neighborhood and at the seminary--but there seems to be almost no Black Americans anywhere (we have Sudanese neighbors, but that means they actually are African).

The Health Dept. office is the absolute dirtiest office I've ever seen. Well, besides the office in our home. Anyway, I found that ironic. But the people there were very nice. First, I was called to meet with a sweet old lady in her 70s that told me I needed to have an appointment. After some searching, we discovered our appt. was under "Maryn Birdman." Ugh. So then she took down all of our financial information. Which didn't take long, of course. Then I was sent back to the waiting room.

Then a medical assistant or something called us back to a medical room thing (I really had no idea any of this was going to happen), and he pricked Maryn's little finger. She didn't even let out a whimper. Just looked at him accusingly. He gave her a sticker, and she--no lie--stuck it right on her little pot belly all by herself, and strutted around very proud. He weighed and measured her (50th %ile across the board) and asked me if she was full term. Ha! He said her iron levels were fine and asked if I still nursed, and gave me a pat on the back for all my hard work.

Then I was sent back to the waiting room.

Then I met with a nutritionist, who explained this whole WIC (Women, Infants, Children) business with me. I'll have to go back to get more WIC coupons in February, and every three months. Every six months they'll do a check up on Maryn. I'll have to bring her shot records next time. The nutritionist was also very happy to hear I nursed exclusively and applauded me for my hard work, saying that's probably why she has never really been very sick. Until now, when I've nearly stopped nursing.

Then I was sent back to the waiting room. Maryn, by this point, was very ornery and was practicing her twirling, her strutting, showing off her sticker, and doing very interesting antics with her Band-Aid. And she managed to find every garbage can in that place and had to inspect it. Super. She loves trash cans. I don't know.

Then I was called to another desk, where a lady gave me the WIC "checks." And we left for Target from there, where we picked up John from work. I had to take him to work this morning at 6:30 so that I could have the car today for this appointment. This is the part where we were supposed to go grocery shopping, but to make a long story short, we couldn't...so we went home, got the stuff I forgot and went to Kroger instead. Where we shopped for groceries for an hour. Which was kind of unplanned. Where we ended up trying to do these ridiculous, tricky sales Kroger always has. Where we saved $65 on groceries, thanks to our WIC coupons, regular coupons, and our savvy sale spotting goggles. We could have saved a bunch more if it had been better planned, but mlehhkdkldsjkklsd. I am so. dead. tired.

The cashier couldn't figure out our WIC checks so everyone in our check out lane hated us or pitied us or judged us, I'm thinking. I mean, we did have a cart full of things like Tombstone pizza and Taquitos. lol. Well, you know. Sometimes I think it might be better to be poor than to be middle class. Especially with Democrats running the country.

GISFA

First there was WWJD. Then there was FROG. Now there is GISFA. God Is So Freakin' Awesome! I have been praying for EIGHT friends dealing with the same basic issue, specifically, at least once every week and SIX of those prayers have been answered so far in the last two years--most of them in the last year. Miracles, I tell you.

I've also been praying that the back room team leader at John's store would quit or transfer. I know that sounds like a bad thing to pray, but it's a long story. Guess what? Today she quit. So please, please for the love of all things good and pleasant, PLEASE PRAY FOR US and that John gets that job. Because John has been mysteriously rejected a lot lately and he is so. He is so. He is soooo qualified.

So I guess I'll spill the beans. I've been holding out on you all for a while now. Things have been wonderful here, but things have been pretty bad, too. It is really hard to go from living comfortably to having billing departments call you 26 times every day. John and I know that "the borrower is slave to the lender." We thought that when we were living in Naples that we were faithful stewards. We tried to meet every month to discuss and pray over our budget. We tried to live that "wartime lifestyle" John Piper is always talking about. But we didn't know anything about wartime. We didn't save enough. We didn't plan well. We were frivolous and wasteful. We paid off incredible amounts of debt, and a debt-free lifestyle was well within sight. But everything fell apart, and now we're not living paycheck to paycheck. We're living credit card to credit card with minimum payments we can't even pay and we're driving a car that was about to be repossessed.

Why am I telling you all this? I guess to share with you that poverty can happen to anyone and it sucks. Those people call us, and every time the phone rings I feel guilty. They want their money--their money that is rightfully THEIRS. It wasn't my money to spend. But I can't even answer the phone because I have nothing to give them. Nothing.

AND I feel guilty because we haven't made the sacrifices we should have. We still have a ton (a ton) of luxuries. So maybe I ate ramen noodles twice last week (I did) and macaroni and cheese 4 times (I did). I still get to watch cable television and I get to use the internet. Although I should just cancel my phone service cuz everyone knows that doesn't work.

But, now it finally looks like we may be catching a break. And maybe we'll be able to continue this wartime lifestyle so that we can pay those we owe and starting living our lives a little more intelligently.

I am continually grateful for our health--none of us have been sick AT ALL. No allergies, nothing. For Bethany, Betsy and Corrie for introducing me to Shaklee, which I know must be one of the reasons we are so healthy. And I am so grateful for my Naples friends teaching me how to coupon effectively. For the people I babysat for in Naples that gave me excellent references. For the family I'm babysitting for now and their wonderful free chiropractic care (yeehaw!). For the fall weather and the air that tastes like home. And I am so grateful to all my family and friends who love me anyway. You all know who you are and there's no way I could have been strong at all through this without you.

And...for my sweet husband, who has been through more humbling experiences than any man of his ability should ever have to endure. For our marriage and those that helped us to make it strong (our pre-marital counselors, our marriage retreat, our BLG friends). We surely would have had it with each other if it wasn't for the grace, patience and communication skills God gave us through you and your ministries.

And...God, of course. That he has answered my prayers. That he has answered my prayer to improve my prayer life (what a way to do that, God. Thanks...I think). That he puts us through valleys to make us more like Christ.

And...for this sweet angel face. My baby girl.

Yep! Maryn's first leaf pile!

life and seminary

I had a decidedly introverted day today. We have three neighbor kids who are extremely extroverted and EVERY time I walk out our door I am bombarded with at least 6 questions. They are sweet, sweet kids and I love them. But you know. For real. Every time I walk out the door?

Today I was taking laundry down for example. It was so hot and I was in a hurry. The Little Guy downstairs asked,

LG: "Where are you going?"
A: I'm going to go do laundry.
LG: Are you going to do it in the office?
A: Yep.
LG: Are those the baby's clothes?
A: Some of them. All our clothes are mixed up.
LG: What's that one there with the pink bow?
A: Um....I don't know. I think that's Maryn's dress.
LG: Is Maryn going with you?
A: Yes.
LG: Can I see her?
A: She's upstairs.
LG: Can I see her when she comes back down?
A: Yeah, of course you can.
LG: You have a lot of laundry (looking closely at our laundry baskets)!
A: Yes, we do (I quickly glance down to make sure none of our underwear is sticking out).
--2 minutes pass--
LG: Is she hungry?
A: I don't think so.
LG: Is she wearing a dress?
A: Yes, this is a dress.
LG: Do you always put a dress on her?
A: No. She has pants and shorts, too. Okay. We're all strapped in and ready to go. See you later!

So yeah. Sometimes I just don't feel like being in a college dorm type of situation again. And other times I do. It's a hard thing, when you are an introverted type, to balance between locking yourself up and being depressed or putting yourself out there and getting bogged down in too many things.

In college though I had Kari and Kendra and Lindsay and Veronica and Crystal...and here I have the Muslim family, with the boy I just started "tutoring," and the Sudanese neighbors whose apartment always smells like good things to eat. And the sweet seminary family next door, with the winsome, cheerful, friendly and beautiful mom who makes homemade bread just about every other day. Oy. It's an experience. To say the least.

In other news, I'm feeling like I should get a job. Like a real job. But we only have one car. I really, really hope something--something---anything---happens soon. I need kids to babysit or John needs a much better job.

Maryn. In Maryn news, she fell straight back off the couch today and smacked the back of her head right on the wood floor. It was the most awful sound I have ever heard. I was horrified. Maryn cried for two minutes and was FINE. I was trembling for a good 20 minutes. Shortly after, she was doing her headbanging thing that she likes to do, and busted her lip right open. My goodness!

She is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I just love her. She "helped" fold laundry today for an hour. She LOVES to "fold laundry." It is so precious. I tried to take a picture of her doing it but she DOES NOT stay still while "folding laundry." She is busy, busy, busy and won't give me a second. I hope she's not mimicking me :)

My homework is done, the kitchen is clean, my baby is sleeping, and now I shall blog.

Hitting the Books Last night I had my first SWI (Seminary Wives Institute) class. I met two great young ladies (younger than me, for sure! Weird!), Hope and Jennifer. I met a bunch more, but those are the only ones I remember.

My class is called Essentials I. I guess it's supposed to be the "Essentials" for being in the ministry alongside my husband. I am SO glad I'm taking it. So glad! I have a lot to tell you. But not all of you will care, but some of you will, so I'll go on.

I know famous people! Mary Mohler teaches the class. Mary Mohler! She is Al Mohler, Southern Seminary President's, wife. We talked about stereotypes for minister's wives (pianists, singers, speakers, sweet, exceptionally but naturally beautiful, etc.) and how sometimes, in some churches, people think of the pastor's wife as a celebrity and can be kind of intimidated by her. Okay. That being said, when I saw Mary Mohler walk in the classroom, I almost crawled under the table/dashed up to her to introduce myself/asked for an autograph/teared up a little...etc. So I guess I'm guilty of having some people on pedestals. But anyway, what a gift to be learning from a woman such as Mary. She's a great Christian role model. And now that I've met her I don't idolize her like I sort of once did.

What is this? I kind of thought the SWI classes were just a nice little thing for us seminary wives. Like a ministry to us. Like a break from changing diapers. But it is the real deal. I have a whole book to read, homework every week, quizzes, and I even get graded for each class. Yes! I love it! I love school! And the class, at least this class, is very kind of you know, soul searching. I get to think about my strengths and weaknesses and I get to take a personality test. And the subjects for each class are things like Time Management, Hospitality, and a bunch of others. I remember those because they sounded the most interesting to me.

I know famous people! There were TWO Wicker references during our class last night. When I said I was from Naples, FL, Mary said, "Oh! Were you with the Wickers?" Yes, I was! And when a girl said she worked for Crossings camps, she asked if she knew Evan Wicker. I know him, I know him! So if I ever need a quick conversation topic, I am going to ask her something about the Wickers and we can share in some great Wicker Trivia (our head pastor at FBCN was Dr. Wicker).

Sick! Maryn and I have been sick with colds. It all started after the fair, where I let her crawl around on the ground. Because manure and stale fries are good for the immune system. She has recovered but I have not. Ugh.

Battle Wounds: Maryn and John also acquired their first roughhousing battle wounds today. Maryn hit her face right on John's face somehow, and her lip was bleeding. Bleeding, bleeding. Blood all over the place! I didn't freak out, because I know mouths tend to bleed a lot, and it stopped really quickly. But there is something disturbing about all that bright red blood all over your sweet baby's face. Ugh, it's kind of dreadful. John has a little bruise and a dent in his cheek from where her teeth must have hit his cheekbone. Ouch. Beat up by a one year old!

Amanda, Satan doesn't want you here!

"Amanda, Satan doesn't want you here!" Is the message I got from the orientation address at Southern Seminary, given by Dr. Russell Moore on Friday morning. He spoke about hardships we will face while at Seminary.

Classes haven't even started yet, and Satan has made it quite clear that he doesn't want us here.

First there was the whole canceled flight deal. Then, while I was in Ohio and John was in Louisville I realized he had nearly everything of mine with him. And, though our moving trailer was supposed to arrive on Wednesday, it is Sunday night and it is still not here.

Our belongings not being here has been a bit of an inconvenience, especially with a baby, especially on an extremely tight budget, especially since we needed bedding (and beds for that matter!) for four people (my mom and sister were here) plus a baby. Not to mention food, and choices are a bit limited without pots, pans, knives, silverware, cooking utensils, etc. And we can't get our internet/cable hooked up until we have our television here. So that is my excuse for the huge hiatus here on my blog. We sit on the floor and read books.

And my phone is getting very, very bad service. So basically, I am hardly able to communicate with anyone except our neighbors.

Our neighbors! Our neighbors have been so, so nice and friendly. They loaned us air mattresses and bedding, cooking utensils, and they've offered us tons more. Dennis and Betsy live across the hall with their two kids, and Andrew and Melanie live one more apartment over with their two little girls.

Our neighborhood! Our neighborhood is mostly low-income families, so there are lots of cool programs going on to help us out. As well as programs through the seminary. It's so, so great to be around other families in the same boat we're in, you know? Most of them have kids, most of them are around our age, most of them left good jobs and whatever behind to come here in view of a call. It's awesome!

Our church! Our church is so nice. Good teaching and preaching. It has a huge adoption ministry and many of the pastors and church members have adopted. This is very important to us, as we hope to adopt someday and don't have a clue what we're doing and haven't observed many families do it.

(((I really love it here)))

So...since our stuff is arriving late...and since our apartment is about the size of our moving truck...we are going to be storing or getting rid of a ton of stuff. John and I are a tiny bit afraid of what our next week of unpacking and sorting and living under boxes might look like. This is ONE of the reasons we got here early. This is ONE of the reasons we left our jobs ($$$) at camp early. Arrgh. (((There's a bigger picture. There's a bigger picture. God works all things according to His purpose.)))

I also haven't been able to get online to find: children to babysit, a washer and dryer, coupons, Kroger deals and information, etc.

So, please pray for us. I think we're doing okay, and I think God has given me a peace about our situation. Let's face it, it's far better than I deserve. (((What am I going to do with that huge cake carrier and all my cake decorating supplies? Should I keep those? What about all that crazy teacher stuff? What about all my high school year books? Ah! I have too much junk! Too much!!)))

I'm at peace. With a little bit of insane on the side.

A Sunny Day in Orrville

Maryn and Grandma (my mom ) on the swings.
Maryn puts things into her mouth so often, I am always
saying, "Let me see!" So she opens her mouth when I say
that and sticks out her tongue. In this picture I said that,
so she was sticking her tongue out for us.
Grandpa decided to do the same!

Tomorrow my mom, sister Sara, Maryn and I will leave for Louisville in the afternoon. Our moving has been, basically, a huge mess. The moving truck was supposed to be there today with all our things, and we were supposed to be there as well. But the moving company had a truck break down and so EVERYTHING has been delayed. John arrived in Louisville early so that he could get a few things straightened out, and we were supposed to try to get our cable hooked up, our license plate renewed, new drivers licenses, etc. He wasn't able to do any of that without our documents which are stored in a file cabinet in the moving truck. He also has an interview with Target tomorrow, but had no interview clothes. So he had to buy some. Orientation things start on Friday and continue all weekend. So we just have very little time and spent way too much money trying to be organized and prepared. Of course!

But I did get to spend more time with my family here in Orrville, which has been special. But we miss John a lot! It's all so crazy!

Everywhere I Go

Lots of acts of God in this post! So I highlighted them in bold, because I want that to be the focus here...

We left camp yesterday morning at 6:30 am, Maryn wide awake. I was all set for our two hour trip to Boston with several of her favorite toys. She did great, I got through security easily, and we met some wonderful new friends in the airport. John left us at security, planning to meet Chris, who lives in Boston now, for breakfast, and make the drive to Ohio with all of our stuff. Our flight was delayed, so our new friends Samuel (18 mo) and his mommy spread out all the babies' toys and we began a little play group. A three year old joined us later and we talked babies and toddlers, teething, sleeping, eating, etc. It's so easy to make friends with a baby on your hip!

Our flight was delayed some more, and then a lady (another new friend from the airport) popped her head around the corner, announcing that our flight had been canceled. Canceled! I packed up our toys and headed to the desk. Thank God I was 6th in line, which is not typical for me. A few people cut in front of me, though, which is typical for me. But some very kind people let me cut in front of them. Then we heard our options. We could wait until 11:oo pm to fly to Canton, or we could cancel the flight, receive a refund plus a free domestic round trip. The very kind people behind me offered to let me use their stroller all day if that would help. I didn't come prepared for a long stay. Samuel's mommy offered to take us back to their place for the day so that Maryn could take her naps and we could rest. What nice people!

But after a few quick conversations with my mom and John on the phone (while standing in this line, which was taking FOREVER, while holding Maryn, who was growing more and more tired and impatient), I decided to cancel our flight and make the drive with John. We'd made the drive there, so surely a drive back couldn't be that bad. Sure, Maryn would be tired. It's not ideal to leave for an 12 hour drive at 11:00 in the morning, but at least John and I would be together.

And...I got a free domestic flight! Which is so odd, considering my sweet friend Michele just asked me to come visit her. I replied to her request, "Well, maybe if God drops a couple hundred dollars from the sky I will try to make it." And now it really seems that maybe I'll be able to visit Naples sooner than I thought. But, John and I still need to discuss our plans for the free trip.

The trip went quite well. Maryn had her moments and we spent a ton of money stopping for lunch and dinner. The turnpike totally rips people off on those fast food rest stops. Everything was priced double what it should have been. But thank God John stayed in Boston for an extra couple hours. And thank God for Chris, who took a few things out of our car to allow me some extra leg/head room in the car. Thank God that our clickety-clackety car held out just perfectly. Thank God that I did a little extra packing to keep Maryn fed and entertained and we found some good food at Boston Market (macaroni and cheese and creamed spinach!) for Maryn to eat. Although...she ended up preferring my cooked apples.

John left for Louisville early this morning to get there and check out our new place. I realized after he left that I had a suitcase packed full of Maryn's clothes and my winter-y clothes. That left almost nothing for me to wear. So my sweet mother took me on a shopping spree to Goodwill, where I bought two new pairs of jeans, a pair of shorts, three or four new shirts, and some treasures for our new house.

God is showing off! And God is teaching us a lot. So when John called from Louisville today to inform me that our kitchen is smaller than our former bedroom closet and does not include a dishwasher, and that we may be giving up at least part of our new, beloved living room furniture, and our dressers won't even fit in our bedroom, I am assured. I'm getting used to making sacrifices. I'm getting used to small spaces. I'm growing in faith and patience. God will take care of us. He has bigger plans.

Edit

I have been thinking about what I wrote yesterday and thought I should clarify. First, I apologize. My communication skills are lacking. Sometimes I write things on here without really thinking. It scares me sometimes how many people read this blog and probably think I'm a nut case.

To clarify the situation on the plane: I know that if I had asked John to hold Maryn he gladly would have, but I know that the plane rides were a good time for him to get a head start on learning Greek. Because he will be tested on it next fall, and I won't.

Secondly, I am always jealous of people. I am often jealous of people that go to school. I just love learning and pretty much everything about school. Schedules, classes, paper, pens, due dates, having papers to write, highlighting in textbooks...but I don't actually want to go back to school.

And, I know that stay at home moms need some sort of outlet. My outlets are blogging and babysitting. Fun, I know. But blogging gets the writing out of me, and babysitting gets the teaching/planning/creating out of me. When we are at the seminary, seminary wives are offered classes in the evenings for something like $10 per semester. The classes are taught by seminary professors and their wives, and the topics range from theology to hospitality. I think this will be a lot of fun, and hopefully John will be home with sleeping Maryn.

Plus, I will hopefully be babysitting there, too. Which definitely has its rewards! I felt like this last babysitting stint was a huge success. The three year old I was watching came to me not knowing a single letter. Now he knows ALL of his capital letters and their sounds, and most of his lower case. He is starting to sound out words, too. But more importantly, he learned and grew while having fun, and so did I.

It does seem like Southern Baptists are really gung-ho (SP?) about stay at home mothers. It really can be annoying. My mom wasn't a stay at home mom, and the year or so she tried, well, you can ask her how that went. I don't think kids that have two full-time working parents will definitely be screwed up, and I don't think kids that have a stay at home mom will definitely be better off. But now that I am a stay at home mom, I know I am where I'm supposed to be. But it isn't for everyone.

That being said, I do believe more mothers should really consider staying at home. Often times, it is not worth it financially to go to work. Once you figure in day care and the expenses involved there, work expenses, and also figure in convenience things you might need because of a busy schedule (disposable diapers, store bought baby food, formula, eating out, convenience foods, housekeeping, landscaping, etc.), it might be a better choice to stay at home and try to make some money somehow on the side. Lots of moms I know sell Avon, Southern Living, etc., or do photography, day care, taxes, or sell stuff online...

Plus, I grow more and more aware of the negative influences that surround our children. There are many things that I will not tolerate from our children. I think that John and I are the #1 people to be raising our little ones. And if I can find a way to do that, I think I should.

Yes. It can be horribly annoying to gaze out my kitchen window, wishing I could just do whatever I wanted. Or that I might be able to actually contribute financially to our family's needs. It would feel pretty good to have one of those $1,000 pay checks I used to get! But then I think of what it would be like to be sitting in my old classroom, at my old desk, missing my sweet baby's face. Missing our precious "morning times" of songs and dances, books, and trains. Being ready for dinner time, ready to turn my focus to my husband and my baby girl. Yep. I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Ministry Wife

So my husband has signed up for what will probably be a lifetime of ministry. What does this mean for us? It means a lot. It means nothing. It means everything. But everything, everything is pointless. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, what we really DO here on earth, basically, is pointless. Let's not give ourselves too much credit.

Anyway, I got a taste of what it may mean to be a seminary wife (which there are support groups for at Southern, thank God) on our plane rides home. John was studying Greek. I was holding Maryn, trying to keep her asleep, trying to keep her happy, trying to keep her fed.

I want to study Greek and Biblical Exegesis. I want to go to class with shiny new pens and notebooks and my little laptop. Hey, I'll just take being able to go to the gas station for a Coke whenever I feel led.

I am so grateful for friends like Bethany and Michele who have, in the past, shared tips with me on dealing with things like this, or have been honest about their feelings in these times of frustration. Even though I'm not that great at being a SAHM (like I can't really cook meals John likes, I don't iron, I blow up vacuum cleaners, I clog toilets and flood the whole downstairs) and would probably be a much better student, or teacher, I AM a "helper suitable," God HAS equipped me for what I need, and I am helping my husband, I am raising a daughter. And these things will help many others down the road. I don't know who, exactly, or what. I may not see many results at all in my lifetime. But I must have faith in His sovereignty. "Just have faith!" Shutup, Amanda! It's not that easy! Nope. It's not. Sometimes I feel like I am climbing a cliff with no rope, no shoes, grasping for faith. Where are you, faith?

So, here we go.

The Trip, in One Word...

EXHAUSTING!

All of my pictures are mixed up in this post, and I really don't have time to put them in order, so bear with me! So anyway, I haven't posted in quite a while because, first of all, I mainly post every day for my mother's sake, and we were trying to spend time with her and the family this past week. Although, we sure did do a lot of other stuff...like drive, and fly. Above, you see John and Maryn at his favorite restaurant, Penn Station. It just so happens that there are like, 50 Penn Stations in Louisville.
The main purpose of flying up north this past week was to visit our future home and John's soon-to-be school, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Louisville, KY. I could NOT stop envisioning myself laying in the grass, which is something I deeply miss here in Florida. I absolutely do not understand how I can raise a child without allowing her to sit, play, lay, and roll in the grass.
So this is one of the first things I did. Maryn likes the grass, too! Hopefully she won't be allergic to it like her daddy. :)
We also drove a couple more hours to visit Richard and Kendra and their three little girls. Here they are, cuties! This picture will likely go down in history. We had a great time there, as we always do, and Kendra fixed a fabulous meal.
Here's Maryn and my sister, Sara, at Maryn's first track meet. Jordan, my brother, is in eighth grade and ran a few events...and won a few, too!
Here's a picture of the Mall of America. Yep, that's in Minneapolis. We arranged a connecting flight there with a three hour lay over so we could have lunch with John's brother, Mark, and his mom. I did get pictures of them, but the restaurant was too dark. So here's a picture of the roller coaster!
Maryn was such a little TROOPER! I couldn't believe how good she was. She had one big crying spell on the way back from the airport (Pittsburgh to Orrville). But other than that, not one crying spell (you can read about our exhausting itinerary below).

Here's Maryn relaxing in the Charlotte airport.
Dr. Brown said we could start giving Maryn "Puffs," and that's what we did! I can't thank God enough for creating the person that created Puffs. These little things saved our lives on this trip. Maryn now thinks the sign for "MORE" means "Puff!" And she makes the sign ALL the time now. She could live on these things.

So here is a run down of what we did...

-Flew from Ft. Myers to Charlotte.
-Flew from Charlotte to Pittsburgh.
-Arrived in Pittsburgh around 11 pm, Maryn still awake, having slept hardly at all. She didn't cry, but she just likes to look all around..
-Drove two hours from Pittsburgh to Orrville, Maryn crying for about half of the ride.

-Stayed in Orrville with my family for all of Thursday.
-Drove two hours to see Richard and Kendra on Friday afternoon.
-Drove two hours back to Orrville on Friday night.
-Drove five hours to Louisville on Saturday morning (left at 5 am).
-Arrived at the seminary, showered, ate lunch, sightseeing, book store, dinner, etc.
-Sunday we went to Highview Baptist Church (loved it!), had a free lunch to find out about membership and stuff there, met lots of great people, exchanged some emails, etc. More sightseeing, looked at an apartment, looked for other options of living. Dinner at a Mexican restaurant...
-Monday we showered, packed up, went to lunch with an admissions counselor, and John met with a professor and had a campus tour while Maryn and I hung out in the campus book store.
-Monday at 1:45 we left for another 5 hour drive back to Orrville.
-We arrived back at my family's house for dinner at 7, had some family time, went to bed.
-Woke up at 5 am the next morning and drove two more hours back to Pittsburgh to catch our flight. Lots of snow, almost missed our plane.
-Stopped in Minneapolis for lunch with Mark and Grammy (John's mom). Maryn LOVES trains!
-Flew from Minn. to Ft. Myers (3 hour flight). Arrived, drove 30 minutes home, stopping for Chinese along the way.
-Exhausted.