Great Expectations

Tonight is just one of those nights I need to sit down and write.  I remember these nights.  They happened long ago when I had time to think and even write down my thoughts.  It seems nights like this are rare.  But all three children are in bed at 10 pm, for once, and here I am in front of a screen when I should be climbing into bed.

It's safe to say we are all a little shaken by the events that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT on Friday.  While I was obviously disturbed and upset by what happened there, I, in usual fashion, went on with my days just like all other days.  Not really thinking, not really feeling, not really praying about any of it.

Expectations

My expectations of this season were pretty big.  Since we found out we were having a baby and that baby would be born in May, I've been looking forward to this Christmas.  How fun it will be to have a four year old, a two and a half year old, and a seven month old at Christmas?  Perhaps I will remember this Christmas for the rest of my life.  Owen's chubby little hands clawing at wrapping paper and delighted smiles at every new toy.  Josiah's sweet giggles and frosting-smeared grins.  Maryn spontaneously combusting with excitement.

And here we are...in the middle of the Christmas season.  So many children were killed.  Babies not returned to their mamas that day.  And here I am...trying to get things done, getting frustrated with my kids, dragging them around to a million things each day, pumping them with sugar and then trying to have special moments in front of the fire or reading Christmas stories or singing Christmas songs...but then someone poops or bites or hits (for my family, it's usually poop) and everything is not perfect.  Reality sets in.

When Jesus came to earth, he came in a way no one expected.  He did not overthrow the government like most Jews expected.  He fulfilled prophecies which seem so obvious to many of us now, but he was not what a lot of people expected, so they didn't recognize him as Messiah.  So many Jewish people did not know he was their King.  I read this question in my advent book today:  "Have you ever had the experience of being disappointed because your expectations clashed with reality?"

"Have you ever had the experience of being disappointed because your expectations clashed with reality?"

Do you know that this is my life?  That I have very clear expectations in my head of almost everything.  In some ways, this is a gift.  As a teacher especially, it was helpful.  I could plan our day and foresee problems or potential downfalls.  As a parent, this is not as huge of a gift.  Expect the unexpected is what they say, isn't it?  Honestly, my expectations are so huge, that this little "gift" has become a huge, whopping sin.  I have no idea how I never saw it before.  I see it there, right in the middle of my life, like a giant spider with its legs outstretched, reaching every corner of my existence.  My expectations.  Destroying friendships, messing up all my relationships, my jobs, my days.

This is the same sin as God's own people, the Jews, who were so familiar with all the prophecies and still mostly rejected Jesus as Messiah.  It's a big deal.

I think of the sweet older women who plead with young mothers to enjoy this time with my kids.  It goes so quickly.  Yes, yes I know, but...but...what?

I give up.  I can't do anything right.  Even when I am trying so, so hard.  The answer, CLEARLY, is Jesus.  I pray he would remove my fuzzy lenses of expectations and show me reality this Christmas.  Maybe reality is something to be embraced, enjoyed and experienced without fear and without reservation.  Without a plan and without financial backing.  Jesus wasn't what anyone expected.  He was so much more, and I know he has a better way for me, too, than the one I've been living.

Mommy Wars Update

I didn't take a shower last night.  After I finished that post, I looked down at Owen and he smiled so big up at me.  Then he spit up all over himself and I had to change him.  Once his wet jammies were off he looked so cute with all his fat, chubby rolls, that I ended up cuddling and tickling him until I just took him to bed at 10:20.

John got home at 12:30 am, apparently, and while he was winding down on the couch Josiah and Maryn both woke up at different times.  Maryn was wet.  John took care of that.  Josiah was sleepwalking.  John led him back to his bed.

Josiah somehow did end up sleeping with us.

I showered at 6:30 am.  Owen stayed in the bed with John, and Josiah watched Blue's Clues, while I showered.  Then Owen and Maryn woke up, John went back to bed, and I got ready while they all played in the living room.  The tricky part was that I could NOT come out of the bathroom or else Owen would see me and cry.

Then I served in the two year old class at church and had three two year olds to myself for one miserable hour.

And I was very happy to come home to my three kids who are much cuter and tolerable...because they are mine and because I love them!  :)

Mommy Wars ;-)

Okay, so I'm just really confused about how mothers function.  I know this is a fun season of life that will pass really quickly, and that in many ways the school age years and the teenage years will be even more difficult, exhausting or emotionally draining.

Right now, I have one kid who stays up late (usually he's up till 11 at least) and wakes up every 2-4 hours at night, and obviously ends up sleeping with us in our bed because I can't possibly stay awake enough to nurse him sitting up and put him back in his bed.  But I'm stuck sleeping in this awkward position which kills my back because I've gotten so out of shape, blah blah blah.

The other kid rises before the sun.  Sometimes he's not even actually awake.  But sometimes he wakes up at 2 am, 3 am, and just doesn't know it's not time to get up yet.  And he also ends up sleeping with us because we're not even sure what happens or how he got into our bed until his foot ends up kicking us in the head or his butt lands in our face.  But at least he hasn't been fighting bed time like he used to--he went months and months fighting bed time.  I almost completely threw in the towel and was even making him sleep in the bathroom for nap times because he seemed to prefer it to his bed.

The other child does just fine at night other than the fact she refuses to wear Pull Ups and we have to wake her up to pee, sit her on the potty even while she's pretty much asleep and falling over, and even then she often still pees the bed and I have to wash her sheets, her pee sheet, her quilt and sometimes even her pillow every. single. day.  And this child also does not take a nap.  I do make her take a "quiet time," but let's face it:  It's just not the same.

So my question tonight, as I sit here with baby number three playing at my feet, is when should I take a shower for church?  Should I do it at 11:00 after baby is in bed, or should I do it at some point in the early morning hours when all three kids seems to be asleep?  I can't ask my hubby for help...he's working late, and will need to sleep so that he can go with us to church.  This is just one of the many types of dilemmas I face. It might not seem like a big deal, but it wears on a person...you know?

I'm not sure if I am the only mother with young children who feels this way.  I know many mothers with young kids who walk around like normal people, dressed and looking great, who seem very put together and like they are managing things just fine.  Are they for real?  Is there a secret housekeeper hiding in their closets?  Are they really that kind to their kids all the time?  Are they really not freaking out about anything?  WHY do they look so....rested?

FlyLady has been a tremendous blessing and I do feel like our house is "clean," and is usually just 15 minutes away from being "company ready," but do you have any idea (I mean, do you have a clue?!) what it takes to get it that way and keep it that way?  I feel like I am going non-stop--everything is planned, plotted, etc.  Even sitting down and watching a show at night with John is just because I feel like I should, and I sit and watch it still feeling like I should be doing something else, or thinking about what I should do tomorrow, or regretting that I didn't do what I should have done an hour ago.

I know you'll say, "Amanda, you need a break!  Go get some coffee.  Have a friend over for tea.  Go work out in the mornings, go do this and have a hobby and set a timer and kiss your babies and have a date night and read your Bible and pray and paint your nails, blah, blah, blah whatever...."

I know!  I know I'm caught up in works righteousness.  All you need is grace, grace, Lord give me grace!  Some days though, when I've gotten by on 5 or less hours of sleep a night for 3 weeks straight, I just consistently feel like the grace in my gas tank is running on empty.

And those are my thoughts tonight, as I try to get a shower.  I am going to stick this baby in the exersaucer, pull it into the bathroom, and I am going to take a shower.  If it's the last. thing. I. do.

Ten Sins, and Bible Verses to Remember

For my Seminary Wives Institute class, Biblical Parenting, with Mrs. Danna Stinson, I had to write down ten sins of me and/or my children and a Bible verse to help us out of that sin.  So I am just copying what I came up with here.  A good reference for me!

1.       Fear of Man:  “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.”  Proverbs 29:25

2.      Pride:  “Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”  1 Peter 5:5

3.      Love of Self (rather than love for others), demanding our own way, or being “bossy:”  “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4.      Covetousness:  “You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.”  2 Corinthians 9:11

5.      Fear and Anxiety:  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your  minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

6.      Anger:  “…bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”  Colossians 3:13

7.      Envy:  “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5

8.     People Pleasing:  “… just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”  1 Thessalonians 2:4

9.      Dishonoring Parents/Authority:  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”  Ephesians 6:1-2

10.  Grumbling and Complaining/Discontentment:  “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”  Philippians 2:14

8 Weeks and Ready to Get Back to Whatever is Normal

Owen turned 8 weeks old today.  He is doing great.  Eating well, as you can see:

 He sleeps well, and would be sleeping in his own bed and his own room now if he had one.  I'm not sure what we're going to do with the kids' sleeping situation.

Anyway, with Owen turning 8 weeks I decided it was time to get a little more on the ball with our other two. So I got up early today.  I had a plan, a routine.  I took some advice from my friend's blog MyHomeTableau.com to simplify.  We put a lot of toys away for rotation.  I tried to not let there be more than three dishes dirty without washing them all.  I cleaned the house during "quiet time" and then we left for a magic show at the library from 2-4:30 so that the house was clean and dinner was ready to be made in time for John to get home at 5:00.  When he got home both kids were in their rooms pouting because 5:00 pm is. so. hard.

Josiah and Maryn have been extremely difficult.  I feel like I'm trying so hard to be nice to them, but they make it so stinkin hard with Josiah's constant whining and Maryn's irritating habits.  So I'm hoping that reducing their toys (and messes), getting them into a very predictable routine, and getting back into consistent, loving discipline will get us all back on track.

Today, we made a replica of Solomon's Temple.  I bet you didn't know it had a little boy poking out the top of it!  We made beaded necklaces, invited over a neighbor friend, played Memory, BINGO, Go Fish and Crazy 8s, saw a Magic Show at the library, checked out new books, watched a Thomas and Friends show and Word World, and read a bunch of books.  I tried to stay off the internet, and I tried to not think about the 1,249 things I should be doing for VBS, the cooking blog, RA duties, cleaning out the fridge, the tub and John's white T-shirts.  It was a good time, actually.  But the thing about 2 year olds and 3 year olds is that, no matter how much time you spend with them...

they will always want more.  And that can be exhausting.

You can't talk to them like they're the bully in 5th grade and say, "Just leave me alone!"  Because words like that break their little hearts.

People say I'll miss these days.  I know that's true.  I know these will be my favorite days.  I'll read my blog ten years from now and wish I had Josiah's big brown eyes gazing up at me for ANOTHER snack.  To hold him up so he can see inside the washer.  I know I'll miss Maryn wanting to play all those games with me and get super excited about the necklace I made her.  I know I'll miss the gooey chubbiness of Owen's fat cheeks and incredible baby smiles.

But sometimes it really is just hard.

I think he loves me :)

 "we started realizing that our children had become judgmental little scoffers. Why? Because we were so busy comparing and contrasting our education, parenting, and worship style choices with those of other parents that we had marginalized the gospel before our kids. We were way more excited about high church liturgy, classical education, “courtship,” family worship times, you name it. We actually believed they were signs of spiritual maturity. The only problem was, we had neglected the one and only thing that could ever give our children and us the power and strength for real spiritual maturity—the gospel."
Luma Simms  Raising Gospel Centered Kids

My baby fetish

Some people have a thing for baby feet.

Or baby faces, or baby cheeks,

Or baby bums.

This is my baby fetish:

 Arm chubs.  :)

Look at the dimpled elbow!

When the dimpled elbows disappear and become bony little scabbed up elbows, it's time to have another.  Because we all need some baby arm chubs in our life.  :)

Rainy Days

We have been having a good old time indoors as we celebrate our rainy days lately.  Okay, so it hasn't really been raining.  It was actually the "first week of summer," and Memorial Day Weekend.  I may sound like a teenager when I say this, but everyone was out and about, traveling, visiting, and pretty much having the best week ever.  But we were stuck indoors.

Being stuck indoors doesn't bother me all that much, but I have felt extremely sorry for Maryn and a little bad for Josiah, too.  Our zoo membership has run out, so there's probably no hope for going to the zoo this summer.  Poor Josiah has yet to see an elephant since he's become obsessed with them.  And Maryn points out to me at least three times a week, "We haven't gone to the zoo in a long time."

I know, sweetie.  I know.

So I try to make things fun for them.  But all the neighborhood kids are having so. much. fun. right outside their windows.  Maryn has been such a big girl, such a great helper, and hasn't thrown a fit yet about not being out there.  But it breaks my heart.  I guess this is what the Baby Blues looks like when you have older kids.  

Hopefully my belly will be feeling better soon, and we'll get out there, at least in the mornings before it gets blazing hot.

 Poor Josiah had to wear Maryn's PINK paint shirt.  :)

Washing a baby...this kept them busy for quite a while.

 We made these adorable snakes.  We did some learning about reptiles and snakes, too.

 Maryn and Josiah made a hide out under the baby swing, so I got them to make Indian (Native American :)) headbands.  Cutest picture ever.

 Owen.  He's so cute.  We are taking him to the doctor soon because he's had gunky eyes.  I think probably just clogged tear ducts.  He rolled over the other day, at 9 days old.  I couldn't believe it.  I am going to try to get him to do it again here soon.  And he has grown out of newborn diapers.  He's definitely our biggest baby so far.  And look at him...he's so contemplative.

 I think he's probably a genius.  He's a lot like Maryn in the way he watches me.  I know they say newborns are blind as bats, but I don't believe it.  This baby studies my face and even reaches for me--I know it!  He turns immediately when he hears my voice and SMILED, genuinely smiled at me when I sang to him.  It was the I Love You (from Barney) song.  What a precious sweet boy.

John got home at 10 am today and has the whole weekend off.  I get him for almost four straight days!

And we got a new washer today.  It is NICE.  Like, really nice.  Happy birthday to me.

Parent Fail #9,672

God has used nothing else in my life to sanctify me more than my children and being a mom.  All of us are sinful people--we all need Christ to save us from the sin just as much as any.  As parents, we sin and our kids know it.  We know it.  


"Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea."  Mark 9:42


I see Maryn and Josiah imitate so much of my sin.  Sometimes it's very obvious.  Like when Maryn shouts at her brother, "Daggone it, child!  I told you to sit down!"


Sometimes it's more subtle, like when I witness one of them throw a toy in frustration, let out a heavy sigh of annoyance, or slam the cabinets in anger.  They are watching me, and I know it.  And I also know by now that of course they will imitate me.  I would expect my behavior to be better, but it's not.  


The other day, I was preparing the kids' lunches.  Almost done, I went down the line of three plates and squeezed out a little ranch dressing on each to go with the carrots.  Maryn grabbed the bottle from me and squeezed as hard as she could, pouring ranch dressing everywhere.  


And so much sin, so much pent up anger and frustration that really had nothing to do with her or that situation, rose up out of me and I threw a fit.  I walked away from the kids, went to the sink, and started slamming things (Crazy!  I know!).  I didn't swear, yell, hit or damage anything (physically anyway)--but my kids knew I was mad.  They both sensed it so strong and clearly that they both began to cry.


And what did I do?


I pretended it didn't happen.


Two days passed.  I was putting Maryn to bed last night and we were having a sweet conversation about praying, Heaven, Jesus, and things of that nature.  She looked into my eyes with that wounded look and said, "You didn't apologize."


"I didn't apologize about what?"
"When I got too much Ranch dressing," she said as her eyes filled with tears.


I had wounded my little girl's heart so deeply that two days later at age three she was still thinking about it.


"I am so sorry, Maryn.  That was terribly sinful of Mommy.  It was wrong for me to get so mad and throw a fit.  Do you forgive me?"


"Yes.  I love you," she said, and gave me a huge sleepy hug.  


We all fail as parents.  I'm so grateful that as a human I can model failure for my kids and show them how God's grace and mercy work in my life.  I'm grateful I don't have to give a big show of perfection for them and when I mess up, I don't have to feel guilty forever.  There is forgiveness.  


Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. -Hebrews 4:16

because I know you want to read more about my awesome kids!

I love these articles about sensory avoiders, sensory seekers, and sensory activities.

Sensory Seekers and Sensory Avoiders  (this is such a fun read, because I think most kids fall to one side or the other.  Maryn bounces back and forth but she is more of an avoider than Josiah, who is more of a seeker.  And we definitely have some Cubbies who are seekers!)

99 Sensory Activities for Any Kid  I think some of these ideas could help me a lot on those days that we are just having a hard time.  Maryn hits really moody spots or gets too hyped or too low, and I think these ideas could help so much if I just remembered them.

I could easily become like the famous child psychologist Jean Piaget, who used his own kids as his experiments. lol.  I just love studying their differences, observing how they play and their little quirks.  Maryn for example, started doing this cute thing when she cracks herself up.  She just lays her head down on her arm, like the funny is overwhelming her, and sighs and sighs and giggles, and covers her eyes.  So adorable.

And before we left TN yesterday, Josiah was begging us to put him in his car seat because he knew we were getting ready to go byebyes.  He freaks out whenever he knows someone is going anywhere, grabs his shoes and demands we take him too.  So John put him in the car seat even though we weren't ready to go, and asked, "Do you want to leave Maryn here?"  To which Josiah responded with the saddest little face, and shook his head no emphatically.

Josiah is really understanding us more and more, and we are understanding him more and more as well.  I love it!  I love his age.  And even his little temper tantrums are still cute.  Tantrums from the second child are cute.  Trust me little man, you got nothin.'  Your sister will outdo you in the tantrum dept. every time, so give it up, as I just stand here and laugh at you.

Maryn spent the week with adults in TN and she is acting very, very grown up today.  She told her grandma that she and I played Cootie "Without the dice because it was just too much work."

I love my kids so much and their little differences and similarities.  Maryn is my rainbow and Josiah is my sunshine, that's what I always say.  It really makes me wonder what baby Owen will be like.  I predict he's going to act like a crazy kid who was raised by wolves OR be totally, absolutely mellow.  But I think I'll pray he's somewhere in between!

Future Chef?

Just look how excited he is to "cook!"  Josiah has been a very enthusiastic chef in the real kitchen, in the Play Doh kitchen and in Maryn's play kitchen.  He loves to cook.  And the best part, he loves to share his creations with others.  I love it.  And I love my sweet little guy.

 Yep, he is totally psyched the entire time he cooks.

Josiah's sleep schedule got so messed up this weekend.  I tried to change his nap time to 1:00 or so, but um...that didn't work out so well.  He was up till 10, 11, 11:30 pm the last few nights.  Last night I just went with it, and spent some great quality time with my baby (sniff, sniff).  He LOVED baking cookies with his mama!  This is something Maryn and I usually do while he sleeps.  So this was a very special treat.

 He ate lots of cookie dough.  And he LAUGHED at every ingredient I put in the bowl, especially the brown sugar.  He giggled at the mixer spinning everything together.  How could I let this sweet child cry in his bed?  Why would I do such a thing?  We had loads more fun in the kitchen, and I didn't miss my television or facebook one bit, and the laundry got folded in the morning.

Sweetness

Josiah frequently lays his head on his sister, and she coddles him like any big sister should.  :)

This is Josiah and his baby, whom he cares for so sweetly.  I am feeling so good about having another baby boy.  That being said, I do mourn the "loss" of the idea of having another girl.  Maryn and I were hoping for a little Lucy, but maybe some day, a few years from now, God will bless us with another baby girl.  Right now I truly don't think there's room for another female in our home (which I'll explain later).

 Here's Maryn (Rapunzel) and Eli (Flynn) attacking Elijah (a bad guy).  Don't worry, they didn't hurt him.  :)

The last couple days have just been hard on me.  All of us besides John had flu shots on Friday and it has wiped us out.  Josiah had four shots, and Maryn had three.  It was miserable.  I like to try to follow a slower vaccination plan, where each kid only gets two at a time, at most.  But as a one car family on a tight budget, we fell far, far behind.  So I felt it was time to load up.

Anyway, Maryn is just having one of those weeks.  It's like she has PMS once a month or something.  So moody, grouchy and intolerable.  I've been pretty much up to my eyeballs in Maryn madness.  Her hormones on top of my already out of whack hormones are not a pretty picture.  We really haven't been very nice to each other.  I hope she doesn't grow up to be a "mean girl."  I feel that she's headed that way sometimes.

Whatever happens with any  of my kiddos, I know that God's glory will shine through.  I do believe he works all things together for good.  And whether my kids grow to love Jesus or despise him, or live their lives to glorify him or live lives of sin and rebellion, His glory will shine through and I will try to show my kids the grace and love my Father shows me.  But I sure hope he helps me tap into his love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in the day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment stuff.  Isn't that the hardest?

Parenting is hard.  hard.  hard.

It's a great day to be alive.

I had a great day!  I had a rough day.  Here are some highlights.  I didn't have time to take pictures.

I love our neighbors.

I held a newborn baby, Roslyn.  She lives just across the street.  Oh my word, she is so precious!  Like the kind of precious that makes me just want to melt right into the floor.

It's Elise Downstairs' birthday, and she took Maryn for a couple hours this morning, wore her out thoroughly outside, and then watched Josiah during Food Line.

Bekah and Drew Across the Hall took Maryn to the playground through most of Food Line and then to their house, and then took Josiah so Elise could get ready for her big birthday date night.  Then Bekah and Drew Across the Hall took Maryn after dinner, along with Elise Downstairs' three kids, and wore her out even more!  Apparently they actually let their kids climb their loft we gave them and Maryn fell off the ladder.  I guess it's a good idea we didn't ever let Maryn do that...

Food Line day is hard core rough on the dinner time madness, as I usually get home at 5:30, am husbandless, and the kids are famished.  So I just used some of the canned goods as our dinner, which the kids loved.  I mean, these kids are insane about canned fruit.  Ha.  Who knew?

Maryn and I nearly finished off a whole bag of Hershey's Mint Miniature Chocolate bars because she kept asking for them, and let's face it, I wanted some too...so, I had to share.  ;-)

Then came the part when both of my babies fell asleep on me.

And now my in utero baby is bouncing around happily.

Life is good.

Busy busy!

Josiah, a little worn out:

 Maryn received quite a treat the other day.  She got to help me at the STOVE for the very first time.  She was so excited to stir the butter and the marshmallows for our Rice Krispies Treats until they melted.  It was a little science experiment.  Isn't home schooling great?  :)

I thought she might want to be at the stove all the time now that I let her once, but she is such a smart, sweet girl. She understands it's only for sometimes.  John and I are really starting to appreciate this about her.  We chalk it up to our good, old fashioned, inconsistent parenting skills.

Everyone will tell you, "consistency is key!"  But in life things just are not consistent.  Sometimes Mommy thinks it's funny when you dump baking soda on your head.  Other times, Mommy might sit down and cry if you dump baking soda on your head.  It's all okay.  The kids will be all right.  :)

The Mediocre and Mundane

Motherhood includes many mountaintop experiences.  My breath has been lost at the sight of a precious new baby in my arms.  My heart is made happy by my children smiling up at me, and realizing that John and I are their favorite people in the whole wide world.  They say the funniest things.  They do some seriously odd things that make us laugh and laugh.  For example, every time we play Ring Around the Rosie, Josiah crawls right out of the room afterward giggling, only to quickly return to play again.

But most of motherhood is mundane tasks.  And many times, I am very mediocre in my mothering.  Here you see Maryn smiling really big to show you her newly brushed "princess" teeth.  But after I loaded this picture on my blog, I realized that her mouth is caked in Chef Boyardee Beefaroni.  Did I notice that then?  No.  She's been asleep for a solid 3 hours now.  Oh well.  

  

 Here's Josiah in his Christmas jammies, trying to share his toothbrush with his sister who is, naturally, appalled at his gesture.  If you've never experienced Josiah's radiance of sweetness, you should come spend some time with him :)

I have been getting seriously ticked at Maryn for loading up her "Mayflower" or "Boat" or "Ark" or whatever with all her belongings.  This means she dumps every toy in her room onto her bed.  She did it again today and I stayed calm, just made her clean it up.  But she was tired and whiny, and I was nearly exploding, so I started threatening her that we were going to put all of her toys away, that we'd throw toys away, that we would donate them to needy children, and more terrible, awful threats that carried no meaning whatsoever.  Maryn opted to throw the toys away rather than clean them, of course, so you can imagine how the story ends.  I ended up helping her clean it all up.  Now I realize that little punk pulled a fast one on me.  Some day I will be better at this.

We didn't really have dinner.  Maryn and I ate veggie burgers and marshmallows at 4:00, so we weren't very hungry at 5:30.  Josiah was of course, so we had good ol' Chef Boyardee.  I think it was Maryn and Josiah's first taste of Chef Boyardee.  I knew Josiah would love it because he loves all kiddie foods.  I served it with french green beans from Trader Joe's, which they also loved.

Then we were getting ready for bed.  I told Maryn she could read while I did Josiah's bed time routine.  I chose a stack of books for her, and as she was jumping around like a spider monkey, I tossed the books onto her bed.  Only trouble was, she jumped onto the bed at the same time.  The books smacked her right in the neck.  I tried not laugh or cry.  It was so horribly awful, that poor little girl!

So later as we were praying before bed, I prayed something like:

"I pray you would help me be a better mommy..."

And Maryn cut in, "And pray God forgives your sin for hitting me with all those books."

Oh my goodness.  I'm going to get reported to CPS.

Three Happy Children

Maryn was a big girl at Kroger and pushed all our groceries in a cart just her size.  I think I will start making her a list to read and check off.  She might do even better than daddy...at least I know she'd never forget the salami.

 Before Kroger, we went to McDonald's, one of the kids' favorite places of course.  Josiah was more excited about the food and Maryn was more excited about the Playplace.  John and I were excited that they had Coke glasses free with a large extra value meal.  So even though it was 3:00 in the afternoon and we'd had a large late lunch, we shared the cheapest value meal on the menu and went to Kroger stuffed full of terrible food that helped make us not want to buy up all of Kroger.  The kids had free ice cream cone coupons.  AND we got a free glass out of the whole deal!  We are S-M-A-R-T.

 A few third children I know are kind of rascally.  Or just kind of troublemakers in one way or another.  This is our little troublemaker, already near giving us a heart attack at the precious pre-natal age of 12 weeks:

He or she is still happy and healthy as they can be, waving and kicking around in there like the silly baby he/she is bound to be.  I hope this baby learns some self-control!

Ha, just kidding.  Nothing the baby or I did caused our little scare.

The next details may be too graphic for some readers, but this is my blog so I can write what I want, right?  And I personally always wondered what goes through a momma's mind when things like this happen.  On Wednesday at about 11:30 I sneezed and thought I peed my pants (it happens).  But when I went to the bathroom, with Maryn by my side and Josiah at my heels, I discovered it was not pee but blood.  And after I peed I realized the whole toilet was full of blood.  It was quite a lot.  Not enough to be a full miscarriage, but I started cramping soon after and wondered if I might end up miscarrying.  I tried to stay super calm, but Maryn saw the blood and was very worried about me.  She has never seen anything like that.  After she saw it, she wouldn't leave my side.  And she wouldn't let me leave her.  So she had to poop of course right after I had gone potty, so I had to wait for her, wipe her, and Josiah had just woken up from his nap.  He was crying, hungry, etc.  Both kids were hungry.  I had to try to call John and the doctor to find out what to do, all while staying calm and not letting tears collect in my eyes.  Maryn has a tendency to stare at my eyes to see if I might cry.  And I had to give them a snack to keep them from starving to death as I tried to call people.

We went downstairs to our neighbors' apartment.  I knew they'd understand and be comforting because they've experienced several situations like this one.  I knew Elise could calm my nerves as I waited for the nurse to call me back and for John to get home.  The nurse finally called about 15 minutes later and told me to just take it easy and rest.  To call back if there was more bleeding.

There was some more, so I called and got an appointment for an ultrasound and a doctor's appointment the next day.  John got home and I got to be on "bed rest" for 24 hours.  It was lovely.  No really it was.

So what goes through a mother's head when she thinks she might be miscarrying?  Honestly it wasn't the sort of thoughts I expected.  I was mainly concerned about having surgery (a D&C) or being on bed rest.  At the point I was at, I wasn't thinking about the loss of a life.  Maybe it was too unbearable for me to feel at that time or maybe my baby isn't that real to me yet, I don't know.  I truly wasn't worried about things.  God has always taken great care of us and I know all things work together for good for those who love Him, and I do love Him.  But I was very scared of surgery and bed rest.  I know worried and scared seem like the same emotions, but I know now they are different.

Anyway, Josiah is being a pain in the butt today :)  So I am going to go and wrangle him up.  You know how this story ends...so far, the baby is fine and everything looks okay.  Praise the Lord.  But if things had been worse, I hope I'd be able to say "Praise the Lord," still.  He is good.

Well, I made it.  It's almost 10:00 and John is almost home from class.  I am still awake.  Thank God for Pinterest, speed cleaning, and home schooling.  They kept me busy and awake.

Josiah just has a really awful sore, red throat that is full of puss.  Gross.  It isn't strep, and it isn't bacterial, so the only thing we can do for him is fill him up with fluids and other soft foods.  Super soft, as in ice cream and applesauce.  He didn't have any signs of dehydration or pneumonia, thank the Lord.

Speed cleaning has been my method the last few days.  I've gone on speed cleaning kicks before, but it seems like my cleaning routine always has to change with the seasons of my children's lives.  Now that I have two very active children, I'm finding I can't ignore a room or two for even a day.  Each room needs some TLC daily.  And the bathroom, to my dismay, needs cleaning daily.  Maryn uses the potty and the sink a lot now, and I guess that means that everyone hangs out in the bathroom a lot more.  The sink is a daily catastrophe.  While I know the bath tub doesn't need scrubbed every day, I've been spraying it and wiping it every day or every other day.  Why?  Because I'm not scrubbing it any more.  And I wipe it down almost every day anyway because my hair is everywhere in it.  So spraying it while I'm at it makes sense.

So basically every room gets 10 minutes of TLC and I get whatever I can done in ten minutes.  And I do it a couple times a day or so...maybe not every room twice a day, but at least once a day.  The problem with this is I don't have the time or energy for big projects, but I never did before either.

Another sad thing is that our kitchen takes more than ten minutes to clean.  More like 923 minutes.  BAH HUMBUG, washing dishes!  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it!  And my poor fingernails hate it, too.

I'm such a downer lately!  I'm very negative when I'm in my first trimesters.  Hang in there.  Only two more weeks to go.

Sick Day Number Eight

Well I am at the end of my rope.

I took Josiah to the doctor yesterday.  He had become unusually cranky even for a toddler with a bad cold, and I wanted to make sure he didn't have an ear infection.  It turns out he's fine.

Then Maryn, who I thought was doing so much better, was up until almost midnight coughing.  Then she woke up screaming at 4:00 because her ear hurt.

Argh!

So I was up from 4:00-7:00 with one or both kids.  I can't hold Josiah and sway with him like he wants me to because it makes me motion sick.  lol.

But pregnancy wise I am feeling pretty good.  I'm a little tired, but I'm pretty sure that's from my born children and not the in utero child.  Josiah is all over the place.  He's like a little cat.  He has to find the highest perch possible and sit right on the edge to freak me out.  Maryn is tired and therefore she's Miss Grouchy Pants.  Doesn't want to be touched, doesn't want us to talk to her, but wants us to do everything else for her, and wait on her hand and foot.

During the day though, they are fine.  Just a few coughing spells, some runny noses but nothing serious.  Should we go to the Family Fall Festival at our church tonight?  I want to go.  I want to get out of here and celebrate the best week of the year :)

Love

I caught Daddy dancing with Cinderella...

 I am pretty sure that almost the only thing that makes John get teary-eyed is when we talk about her wedding day.  Or when the song Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman comes on the radio.  I'm saving this pic of them dancing for later...

I let Maryn color on the couch during Josiah's nap yesterday!

Here is a picture Maryn made at Cubbies.  "This is Mommy and Daddy on date night playing in the backyard and jumping off the picnic tables."  Yep, that's what we do on date nights!

Maryn and Ella Grace have been such sweet friends lately.  Love them.

Maryn has actually been such a great little friend to all her friends lately.  I am very pleased with my THREE year old.  Some day I'm sure I'll miss age two, but that day is not today!

Do you know your kids' love languages?  Quite some time ago, John and I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  This book is very helpful in any relationship, I think.  There's one for kids and teenagers as well, though I haven't read those.  Maryn's love language is definitely quality time.  She we will keep you busy.  If she loves you...she'll ask you to do this, then that, then this and that.  She'll feel most loved if you sit and color, draw and read with her.  If you dress up with her, swim with her, run with her, pretend with her, cook with her.

John's love language is also quality time and honestly, it drives me nuts.  I love spending time with both of them but oy, it's exhausting!  But understanding that THIS is the way they feel most loved helps me understand their need for my time and energy.

Josiah's love language is...can you guess?  Physical touch!  Yay.  I love having a kid who loves to be snuggled, held, kissed, and tickled.  He doesn't mind playing by himself and doesn't take it too personally if I ignore him while I wash the dishes...unless he wants to be snuggled, held, and kissed!

I love how my children are different.  They are each unique.  What will the next baby be like?  I can't wait to meet you, baby!