Identity versus Identity Confusion

I think I may have cheated myself out of never having a certain phase...

You see, we're reading the book High Fidelity by Nick Hornby in my Contemporary Brit. Lit. class. Two of the girls in there, and two of the (well, the only) guys are just really sort of...cool. They don't care what people think of them...they wear funny clothes (old corduroys, thermal shirts under silky tops, etc.), they read novels no one has heard of and listen to music no one knows. There are posters on their walls of bands that are only for those who are faithfully hardcore, they have CD's like nothing else, records too, even. They wear Pumas and sometimes even velcro(tm) shoes.

I'll have you know...I don't own a single CD here at school. Not one, and I don't intend to because I like to save my money for things like clothes and highlighting my hair. I hate corduroys and always have, always will. I hate thermal anything, too. I don't seem to have the time or energy to search for lesser-known bands and I certainly don't have the time to sit and force myself to like them. I don't have a CD player or anything of that sort, so when I want to listen to music, I listen to VH1, MTV, or CMT. Therefore, the songs I am most familiar with are by Matchbox 20, Christina Aguilera, and Martina McBride, and whatever else is popular. So, I am just this normal, people-pleasing, education major with no real hobby...I don't have a clue what music I even really, really like. When with John, I listen to Dave Matthews because he listens to it, and it's so-so. When with Lindsay, I listen to country and of course her Tim-influenced music (Weezer, for example) and I like that, but I listen to it because she does. I really don't have a favorite radio station (I actually sort of hate them all) and I really don't have a favorite music artist or band. Heck, I don't even like The Matrix. I don't even like ER!

So basically, I'm a loser, and I think those people in my lit. class make my fun of me every day. I know that I'm the kind of person people like that find annoying and unoriginal. But, I guess it's okay. My number one passion is God and he's so high above everything else...I like that, and it works for me.

But I wish that when I was around 16/17 or so that I would have went through that "cool" phase. I should have gotten tips from Winey and Jeff or something. I would have made an adorable little punk girl. ;-)