Okay, today I am going to talk about:

My Day and My Week
Alison
French Fries
Elementary Schools

Read what you want, if anything at all.

Well, I am behind, aren't I? I don't think I have ever gone this long without writing in this thing. Sometimes, I think this thing is unhealthy. Sometimes, I think it's good. It takes a lot of time to keep this thing up to date. My entries at the beginning were so good and now they are just crazy and psychotic (those are two words that mean basically the same thing). So yes, I have been rather busy. I haven't started my unit that I was complaining about last time because it turns out that my cooperating teacher sprung on me that I need to do my Pathwise Observed Lesson next week. This is a huge ordeal in the education world. I have never been Pathwise observed, but it involves designing perfect lesson plans and performing a perfect lesson. Well, I do have a perfect lesson plan, of course, in my head...now I just need to get it on paper...

I thought I had to work today at 11:30 but it turns out that I really didn't. Darn, because I could have slept until about noon if I had known that. But, God had other plans, because this getting up at 10:30 really worked out well for me today--I got a great email from Richard (Kendra's fiance, for those of you who don't know), I ate lunch with some guys I've never eaten with, and I'll still have time to study for my HORRIBLE professor's quiz that he sprung on us on Wednesday. What is it with these people???

We had a speaker yesterday for Campus Crusade. He spoke like four times. Crazy, huh? But anyway, I guess a lot of people "accepted" Christ, something I'd rather call "got saved" but you know what I mean. Awesome, huh?! He was a good speaker, but I have this curse on me because our National Youth Conference in high school was so amazing and had such incredible speakers that any speakers I hear now just don't compare...oh I know it's not about the speaker, but the Holy Spirit, but for some reason, this little past history of mine is sometimes just...strange, I guess. I mean I've heard Ron Hutchcraft, Joshua McDowell, that Bob? guy from the Bronx, Chuck and Luci Swindoll...I mean those people are, I think, some of the best, most powerful speakers in the country. I don't know why I can be so critical during other speakers,because I know the speaker himself or herself isn't so important--not at all. Sigh. Human inadequacy.

Next topic: Alison. Alison is Veronica's friend from Bedford, I think she is from Bedford, see I don't even really know, and I met her once very,very briefly but she started reading my online diary and I hear she thoroughly enjoys it. Well, she sent me a card in the mail--homemade and everything! It was one of the sweetest, encouraging,and adorable cards I have ever received, totally surprising and unexpected and it really meant a lot to me. I mean, a lot. It meant so much that I think I'm going to cry right now here in the computer lab because I am emotional that way when people do nice things for me so totally unselfishly. But it was so, so sweet, you know? So I should make her a card, but realistically, I probably won't because I don't have stamps and books of stamps cost a good 7 dollars or something and I have to use my 7 dollars to pay for those GIRL SCOUT COOKIES (YUM!!!!) I ordered. So Alison, I want to thank you, and send a big, big hug your way because you are so thoughtful and I really, really enjoy you. If I ever become rich, I'm going to send you on an all-expenses paid trip to Bali. Seriously, I'm going to make a note of that right here in my datebook.

Next topic: French Fries.
There are several reasons why the college dining hall is now my favorite restaurant. Yes, seriously, my favorite restaurant.

1. Really excellent french fries.
2. Because they have really excellent french fry seasoning now that they put out now because of my request.
3. They put it out at my request.
4. They really do try to make the dining experience a good one because they put out that french fry seasoning.
5. The french fries are, sort of, free, because I'd be paying for 14 meals a week anyway.

One reason why I hate the dining hall:
1. I am going to get fat because now all I want to eat is those french fries and maybe if I could eat french fries with salad it wouldn't be so bad, but I don't like any of their salad dressings.

Next topic: Elementary Schools

Why do they all smell the same?

I should be really stressed out right now. Most people would be. I have a lot of things to do, a lot of stupid little things to take care of, you know how that is, and I still have a work in progress on my report card and my professor is not calling me back and I have a million hours long night class tonight that's going to freak me out because she's going to tell us all this stuff we need to do and remind me of stuff that I haven't done...like observe in a child care center for three hours, a child care center that I don't know where or when that is going to be or anything of that sort, so I'll have to make phone calls and all that and then I have not started my 40 hour field experience at the salvation army and another place where I haven't been told where I am going yet, and I have only gone twice to my third grade classroom which I need 30 hours of experience in, because school keeps being canceled and I have about 30 signs sitting downstairs to hang up on this hill that I do not have time to hang up and I have laundry to do down in the basement that just can't seem to get done and I have to iron all these clothes because I left them in the dryer and I forgot to take a book back to the library that is on Jake's card that is definitely due today and I hope there isn't a charge on it because it's like 25 cents an hour or something crazy like that and I know, Jake, that 25 cents an hour is a lot of money, so I'm going to return that book right now, I promise! And I have a big paper to work on, a unit to design (units are a lot of work, mind you, a lot of work so all you people who think teachers don't have anything to do on the weekends or during the summer can just go to...Happy Land because that is not true and you are very naive for thinking so) and I have to write a check, that's right, a check, for that honorary and I don't even know how to write a check for sure because it's just an I forget what it's called check where I have to write my address and check number on it myself and that is very scary because I'm sure I will forget to write something and then they'll send it back to me or whatever people do when you don't write a check right and then I'll have to like, delete the check or some other complicated thing that I am not sure even what it is called or what to do and I really hate the thought of it altogether I think I might hire an accountant but then I'd have to pay them in checks too, I imagine so maybe I'll just married to an accountant and he can take care of all of it for me but I'm not ready for that sort of thing and I don't like any accountants and the accounting majors here at Muskingum aren't all that promising or very good-looking. Sigh!

:) But I'm not stressed, because I really don't care. I really don't care about any of it! So there!

Now I don't know if anyone else in the world does this--it might just be me, and I might just be the stupidest person alive, but it's something that happens to me every few months or so (give or take) and it annoys the living crap out of me. I don't know what "living crap" is, but this situation that I run into now and then annoys it out of me. I'll be brushing my teeth (usually it's when I am in a hurry or too tired to stand up) and BAM! I jam the toothbrush right smack into my gums, usually at the part where my lips meet my gums--a really sensitive area, mind you, when using your teeth or your lips for anything, really. Well, it really hurts, and I HATE it when it happens. Not only is it one of those things like stubbing my toe or getting a papercut, but it makes me feel like a complete moron.

Now, close your eyes...

Imagine something absolutely hilarious.... (now you can close your eyes again because you had to read this second line after you read the first line, you cheater!)




ha! wasn't that funny?


In life news (this is the sorta stuff I HAVE to write for people like the mom), I spent 7-9 today at work with the crazy kids (they were awesome today, I love them so much!), then spent 11-4 with the third graders, taking an hour lunch break at the restaurant down the street all by myself (I felt so professional like, I almost got coffee), I enjoyed my time with the third graders (I definitely think that I did choose the right profession) I opened a checking account (don't worry mom, Jake's gonna show me how to write checks and Kari will be there for me in anything I need since she is the banking professional), and I backed into a parking space for the first time in my life. Impressive, eh?

So now, here you ARE allowed, I permit you, to say to yourself, "What an incompetent, dependent, immature 21-year-old woman." Yeah, yeah, yeah...I've just been trying to avoid the adult world for too long. It was sad enough the day they started taxing me. Ah, blinkister. It's just unavoidable, I tell ya. Is it bad that I don't want to worry about things like that? Like money and checks and bills and whether or not someone is watching me back into a parking space and thinking "Why the heck is that girl takin so fricken long?" I mean, I don't think that's bad. Maybe I am incompetent or something, but you know, I have spent my childhood well and now it's just all over. It's all over, it's all over because....

I have a checkbook.


Oh stop, I'm not being "pessimistic." It's a joke. Laugh!

Allison, I enjoy you.

Let's talk about honoraries. I think these people make a buttload of money, for one thing. I think that I might give up on the teaching career thing and start an honorary. With an entire network of people, we could send out publications, get the hook up with special "deals" like airlines, restaurants, scholarships, big companies, etc., to provide special "benefits" for our members, and have each member pay the honorary (me) 60 dollars for a lifetime membership, and 30 dollars a year to renew their membership. Every year we would have conferences in several regions, where the members would volunteer to work (you know, a great way to serve and be a friend to all, an important aspect of being in the honorary), speak, and provide other necessities involved in conferences and honoraries. This is my idea of the perfect honorary.

The Fun Honorary

This honorary involves adult-friendly trampolines, those big cage-like things with slides that are filled with plastic multi-colored balls (designed for adults), keyboards that you can play by stepping on them, walking on ceilings and walls with magnetic gloves and shoes, ropes courses, rock climbing, extreme camping, white-water rafting, huge blow-up bouncy rooms like the carnival, lots of french fries and ice cream, amazing food fights--like a whole room full of spaghetti with buckets of mashed potatoes and oatmeal and baked beans to throw on each other, mock talk-show and sitcom sets to record your very own television shows, clowns that you're allowed to beat up and make fun of, lots of costumes for dress-up opportunities, finger painting ANYTHING you want to, slip and slides, huge trees to climb and rappel, huge couches and other furniture to jump on, ice skating, snow sculpturing, awesome bands (only happy bands) that interact with the audience a lot, gigantic popcorn machines, huuuuuge pizzas, mazes, big play structures and slides, swings that you're allowed to jump off of...onto trampolines or bouncy air things, carpet that is three feet deep...etc...anything you can imagine.

Members must pay 60 dollars for a lifetime membership, but for an active role, must pay 30 dollars each following year. They will receive very important, prestigious publications put out by our honorary, and must have a career that involves high stress levels. Careers include: teaching, teaching, and teaching, artists, musicians, business owners, secretaries, factory workers, social work, psychologists, doctors, police officers, fire fighters, managers, construction, bus drivers (sorry, no taxi drivers), actors, writers, and other such things.

Okay I'm going to dinner.

Yeah Jeff, what is it anyway about Winey keeping the band thing on the downlow? I think he just wants to keep it to himself for awhile until things are sorted out. Or maybe now that he's famous and he has a girlfriend he'll just forget about stupid me. He won't forget you, though. No one could forget you. Not even if they tried....

:)

If I could eat only one meal for the rest of my life, it would be that chicken and dressing stuff all mixed together, spaghetti, garlic bread, meatballs, and water and iced tea and cherry cheesecake for dessert. Yeah, that's a big meal, I know.

If I had to change my name, I think I'd change it to Giselle or Marie. Giselle because it was my French name in high school and it really kinda stuck with me. I don't really like the name Marie but I think it fits me well. My favorite girl name is Clara and my favorite boy name is Joel.

If I were to have my choice of car, any car, that I wanted, I would want a1981 yellow convertible mustang that isn't in mint condition but has a lot of personality. ;-)

If I were to win 100,000 dollars, I would stock up on the following items:

construction paper
stickers
shaving cream
face lotion
the perfume, "Heavenly" and the lotion, too
those expensive Gillette razor blades
printer paper
post-its
pens
deoderant
Scotch(TM) tape
Duct tape
tiaras

because I am the princess :)

If I lived on a farm, I would want two rabbits, two horses, about four sheep, a few cats, a bloodhound and a beagle, a family of pigs, two cows, and a goat named Muffy II. I would get up early in the morning and make breakfast, lunches, and even start on some dinner stuff and I'd make apple pie now and then, too. I'd go out to the woods and pick raspberries and make raspberry jam, and when it was too cold outside to do all that stuff, I'd write to all my friends, paint random things around the house, read books, and wash the windows. But I would never do the dishes. Eck.

If I lived in Wyoming, I would want a little cute house cottage-like thing with wood siding like stuff that is a woodwashed pale yellow sort of color with pale green or blue shutters. It would be near the mountains with a spectacular view but not high in the mountains, maybe just at some midpoint or something. The house would have a huge front porch with a porch swing and my family and I would spend ALL day outside, except maybe in the winter when we would spend some time around the fireplace. There would be a swimming hole that had a rope to swing on and jump into the water, that was totally secluded and just for me and my "family," if I had one. I would have a big fat gray cat and his name would be Tchaikovsky, Tchai for short, and we would also have a cute puppy dog of course and the kids could name it whatever they wanted to as long as it wasn't something like "Puffy" because that's a stupid name.

If I lived in the city, I would live way up high in a cute little apartment and I'd have strange little plants and herbs growing outside on the balcony with two of those Amish, wooden sliding rocking chair things. I'd learn how to speak Japanese so that I could talk to the Japanese man who owns the corner drug store. I would open a little bookstore that sells books, of course, and strange, intellectual type music and lots of cappucino. There would be a children's section and on Sunday afternoons I would have a special children's time where I read little kids' books in funny costumes and even read them some of my own stories. In my spare time I'd work down at the soup kitchen on the other side of the city. I'd take buses and stay on them for an hour just to see all the different people and think about where they might be going. I would make sure to wear out of place country-ish clothes, like long loose dresses and summer hats and sandles.

If I lived on the beach, I would write all the time and drink tall glasses of lemonade and iced tea in a big beach hat and a yellow sundress. I would walk up and down the shore, up and down, up and down. I would learn how to kayak really well and kayak out in the ocean. I would have a big lovable labrador retriever that would run with me on the beach and a lovable kitty that would read with me at night.

If I lived right here in Ohio, I would live out in the country and teach at some teeny tiny elementary school in a teeny tiny town where I knew all the people because of church functions. I would live in a cute little house and I'd have a couple horses in a barn out back so that I could just ride them down the roads and through the woods. I would have picnics all the time, and campfires, and snowball fights. And on the weekends sometimes my "family" and I, if I have one, would go visit grandma and grandpa, and sometimes, I'd just send my kids to visit grandma and grandpa. I'd go fishing and hiking and camping. There would be a creek in the woods and I'd walk down there just to sit and put my feet in the water for a long, long time and I'd lay back on the grass and look up through the trees and just relax for a long, long time...

It was nice being at church today. Nancy caught me right away and shouted, "Aaah! It's VBS Sunday!" and handed me a form about teaching vacation bible school--one of those things I swore I'd never do again because of all the money and time it took, but I am wishing I could do again because I love it. So many things are like that, aren't they? Just like I swore I wouldn't miss camp but a part of me really misses it. I knew I would miss the kids--and rock climbing, of course. I miss rock climbing a lot.

Hahaha Jeff you are soooo funny!

I got caught up on some cool church news. Like Emily's dad and PDA are in Cambodia. PDA is always in Cambodia. Winey's band got signed onto Victory Records (check out their band Eiffel Rev on mp3, I don't know if that's spelled right, correct me if you know). Imhoffs got some new lambs. Awww! And some lady was miraculously healed of leukemia after the doctor told her she only had about 2 hours to live. She was there today and approximately ten days ago, she was supposed to die! Praise God. Pastor Clancy and his church planting team in Marysville, Ohio is doing well, and so is their family. Cool deal.

So I'm sure you all care about that a lot.

I made it through the blustery snow! My parents packed me up with a blanket (in case I got stuck on the side of the road), sunglasses (to reduce the glare of the snow), water (so I didn't get dehydrated if I got stranded) and they were really freakish, yeah. So then everyone here at school was worried about me, too and I didn't even know we had a level three and that classes and even dinner was cancelled. Weird. I didn't think it was that bad. It's a good thing the 'rents don't know how fast I was going :)

hehehe....

Okay, I've had enough of the puppy.

I went on a loooong shopping trip today. First, my brother and I got our haircut together, but it was a half hour wait, so we spent half an hour in the bookstore. I LOVE bookstores. I wanted so many of those books, but they were all hardback and over 16 dollars. I can't spend 16 dollars on a book. Then, we stopped by the root beer stand to see my little cuz, Drew, and of course we got food while we were there. When we got back, Sara was jealous, so I had to take her to the root beer stand too and get her some carnival fries as well. Then, after dropping her off at home, I went to Woo-town to shop... I spent an hour and a half in the Christian bookstore...I bought four books and read a chapter on The Worldwide Church of God in a book about cults (just to be a little more sure of what I'm getting into). It was very intriguing and informative and I feel good about it all, not that I didn't before. Then I think the young teenager guy working there thought I was hitting on him. All I did was smile and say hi. I can't smile and say hi? The kid was like 16 and all dressed in Abercrombie with this hip-looking curly hair like the guy on Joe Millionare. Get a life, jack. He spent the rest of the time avoiding eye contact and showing off. I can tell when guys are showing off and trying to act cool. I ain't stupid. I have darn good intuition, thank you very much. Some old lady was trying to find a good book about dating for her granddaughter. Since I've read them all, I helped her out :) Then I drove down to JCPenneys and wow, I was mad at JCPenneys because everything they had in MY size was stupid looking. It was either really low cut, really high cut, see-through, or just stupid. I needed some teacher clothes. What? No one dresses professionally unless they're in plus sizes? I found cute stuff in the plus sizes and the petite sizes but no 6-7's. Dude. I feel so...I don't know the word for it. So I looked and looked and finally I did find some cute things. Then I went to Fashion Bug. I can always find cheap stuff there because a cool, hip high school girl wouldn't be caught dead walking in there. Therefore, they have a lot of markdowns on cute-looking size 6-7's. They have cute shoes, too. Well, the main purpose of the shopping trip was to find some brown dress shoes and a brown/khaki skirt or pair of pants. I got the shoes at Penney's. Right when I walked in to Fashion Bug, I saw the PERFECT khaki-colored skirt that was just gorgeous--free-flowing, loose, but shapely,you know? It was wonderful. Then I realized I was in the plus section. Dangit! Finally, I did find what I was looking for. I got a skirt there to match all the other things I bought at JCPenney's and tried on some hats. I ended up going with a head wrap thing to match the skirt. Cool deal. It's way stellar.

So I've decided that a good thing to do is skip out on the American Eagle/Abercrombie/Express, etc. clothes and go to the places "cool" girls don't go because not only is it cheaper, but more importantly, it's not as freaky. I just think it's freaky when someone else has the same sweater as me. That's weird. It's MY sweater, you know? Ew. So I avoided Maurice's because that store is pretty up there on the cool list and Elder-Beerman's is sometimes on the cool list. JCPenney's and Fashion Bug are not on the cool list. I don't know why, but it's just a fact of life. My whole goal is to avoid having the same clothes as someone else. I should just become a seamstress.

Meanwhile, life is good here on the homefront. I ate lots of carrots today, some kiwi, and strawberries. Mmmmh! And who said God doesn't make candy?

"Mercy unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied." -Jude 1:2

I got a puppy!

Well, my family did. He is the cutest thing in the whole entire world. He's part beagle and part shepherd. German shepherd, I imagine, not a field shepherd, although there have been some pretty amazing shepherds throughout history. I don't think this one is very smart. Mozie is definitely smarter. But he does know how to play and run and cuddle and his fur isn’t too shaggy but he has that loose-like beagle skin that’s just so squeezable and he does the little puppy head-tilt thing with the adorable beagle eyes that’s just to die for.

His name is Charlie.

Mozie is adjusting to Charlie quite well. He freaks out a little bit periodically and Charlie’s nose has been scratched more than once, but I think they will become friends. Mozie doesn’t seem too jealous or anything and he really isn’t very scared of him. Mozie and I had good Mommy/Kitty time today despite Charlie‘s presence.

He sleeps with his legs straight out in front of him!

Oh yes, I am at home this weekend. I watched Bourne Identity with my mom and JR. My mom, she knows me so well, had spaghetti and garlic bread AND ice cream cake for me when we got home (JR made the spaghetti). Then, Sara was really horribly sick. She’s gotten so big. And Jordan’s gotten....snottier. :) Jordan and I read a book together and walked/ran the dog together. Good brother/sister time. Sara was throwing up in the bathroom. JR got me a really cool Valentine’s Day basket. How sweet :)

Hugs and Kisses to all of you! I hope you had an EXCELLENT Valentine’s Day because ALL of you have the best love of all....

me!

Just kidding. You know what I was going to say!

Grace-n-peace to all of you <><

Thanks so much for the awesome posts :) You are all so very supportive and understanding. Mom, you're awesome, and the best protector I've ever had!

Anyway, I am dead tired...my computer is being a jerk, I've been wearing some severely restrictive panty hose and things all day, and my feet are freezing. It's midnight. Jake called and asked if I wanted to come over and I had to say no. He told me to eat a Little Debbie Valentine Cake tomorrow and said I should have told him I was leaving tomorrow at 3:30 because he had "plans" for us. I like him.

I just got done counting syllables and words and sentences for an hour and a half. That was fun. And I have a horrible quiz tomorrow. The information isn't sticking. It's my cerebral cortex. Can I have a sick day?

I had my first day of field experience with the third graders...it was great! I am thrilled. Maybe I'll teach 3rd instead, who knows. I was interviewed for our school newspaper about the Global Student Teaching Program. Yay :) I feel popular. I worked out a lot today--cardio. I hate cardio workouts, but it felt good because I didn't quit halfway like I usually do. Then, I took an hour nap. I wish I were a cat. I'd sleep a lot and cuddle with people. Only some people.

I like teaching and hats and cats and Valentine's Day cakes in the freezer and sausage gravy and biscuits and fettucine alfredo with parsley and I like to talk in a British accent and I wonder why there isn't a Valentine's Day song because I keep wanting to sing Happy Valentine's Day but I can't get a good tune. Dash it all.

I got this card yesterday from my aunt Vicky that was very uplifting. She and I were both sexually abused when we were young. Some of you might be saying right now "Oh my gosh, I can't believe she is talking about this!" because about 90 people read this thing. But you know what? It's not anything to be ashamed of. I'm tired of people living in denial about things, and I'm glad that my aunt can write to me and say, "It's okay...I understand...God is there for you." And then she said "You are a precious young woman." Why yes, yes I know :) It's annoying when people ignore the facts. But it's also annoying when people expect me to just "let it go."

Now don't get me wrong, I have forgiven those who have hurt me. I understand that God is totally capable of putting me back together and keeping me together. I also hope that those who have hurt me and my family will (or did) find God and that God will heal their sick, perverted minds, even though they totally do not deserve it (no one deserves God's grace). Hell is certainly not something I'd wish on anyone.

Now my problem is that people might expect me to just be "best friends" with the people. Let them make acquaintances with my little sister and brother. Hmm let me think about that....NO. I don't know if this is biblically based or not, but I do know that around 1 Corinthians 4 or 5 or something like that, it tells us to cast out those who are sexually immoral, into the hands of Satan, so that they may be saved on the day Jesus comes back for them, or something like that... This is speaking of a person within the church, however. I'm not sure if these people had or have been "saved" or not, but I'm thinking I don't want to take the risk of subjecting my brother and sister to such perversity, and I sure as heck don't want all the emotional trauma I experience with their presence. I don't know. It useless to try to justify it, I guess. I just know that even though I have forgiven, it still hurts, the side effects still exist, and God has worked awesome wonders in my life. It is so difficult to go through psychology classes where in every single one they list all the "side effects" and "symptoms" of child abuse---seeing how many I match, making sure I don't do things like "avoid eye contact," "avoid strong attachments," become overly "promiscuous..." And I wonder if my mood swings and stomach problems and trust issues are all because I was sexually abused. And daggone it, every single "law" show and movie somehow manages to talk about sex offenders.

Anyway, the symptoms and side effects are dumb. They're all things I struggle with and I don't know why or how it was caused or if it has anything to do with being abused as a young child. But you know what? There's no excuse and there should be no whining coming from me...because God can heal ANYTHING and with God I can find peace and strength and overcome ANYTHING. He is all I need.

Oh, one of the side effects is a tendency towards being "religious." Maybe just because it makes me feel loved. Ha! Or maybe it's more than that.

Well...today is not a good day, to say the least, and this week will probably not be among my top ten. Anyway, it just might be good and I'm not sure what would make it better, honestly, but really I just can't wait to go home on Friday.

I started reading a book...for fun! Amazing, huh? I haven't done that since the beginning of this summer when I didn't have a job :) Word on the street is that Harry Potter book 5 is coming out soon...I'll have to grab one (or hopefully just read the one my mom buys...after she reads it, JR reads it, and they read it to Jordan and Sara). It sounds really dorky that I read Harry Potter. I thought my mom was a big dork when she started reading them, too. But really, they are really good. Jordan and Sara, only ages 8 and 6, will sit and listen to Harry Potter for hours...quality reading time, I'd say, and quality family time as well. My mom always read me the Little House on the Prairie books. Those are pretty boring and I am positive Jordan and Sara would never in a million years listen to them (too many girls). I do understand why some people might think Harry Potter is dangerous, but have you seen Walt Disney's Sleeping Beauty lately? It's pretty bad, too. And in The Lion King, Simba lays on top of Nala and licks her. That's pretty bad, I'd say. Well, Jordan and Sara know that Harry Potter isn't real, and they know that Santa Claus isn't real, but sometimes it is fun to pretend :)

My best friend from kindergarten all the way through 10th grade had this nephew (I imagine he still is her nephew) that thought it'd be cool to pretend to be a dog. Normally, these phases in 3-5 year old children last a couple days, occur every now and then over a span of a week, or something like that. This kid acted like a dog for a good two or three years, I think. He rarely talked--just whimpered and barked. What would I do if my kid acted like a dog for three years? I don't know, but I might take him to a psychiatrist. Is it just that he has a highly active imagination? Or not enough imagination that he can't think of anything else to be? Or is he hiding from something? The kid was growing up in a small house of about five adults, plus a very clingy grandmother and aunt that always took him on walks to see all the flowers, without a good father figure. He knew every type of flower and animal imaginable...more than I know, that's for sure. I wonder what's up with this kid now.

I think I'll be a good parent. A strange one, probably, but a good one. I want my kids to do a lot of the things they want to do--like if they want to be called "Shula Cabula" for a day, I'd play along, and if they want to wear a pair of bunny ears to the store, I just might let them. But if he/she acted like a dog for a straight week, maybe even three days, I'd get pretty sick of it. I don't know. I'd encourage them to act like other animals for awhile. And I surely would never let them drink out of a bowl on the floor beside the dinner table or on the dinner table (for more than one meal). This little kid sure enough did drink out of bowls on the floor.

I've been making Valentines since 3:30 (it is now 5:15). Don't give your hopes up, though...they're pretty time consuming, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to stop soon. I think that I'm a sort of crafty person, but because I hate to waste time on things that people will probably throw away, I usually don't do things like this...and besides, construction paper and glue can be really annoying (especially when I just drank a ton of cappucino and my hands are shaking like mad crazy. Don't worry, though, I'm not addicted! I seriously just drank it because my throat has been killing me and I can't drink hot chocolate and hot water doesn't sound very appetizing at all).

Okay bye.

Shhhh...don't tell anyone, but I'm starting to really like snow. Weird, huh? I'm starting to like that feeling I get after coming out of the cold and my skin getting all tingly because it's warming up really fast. I enjoy the crunch of snow beneath my feet. I REALLY enjoy the crunch of the ice/snow on the edges of the sidewalks. Veronica, it's right below crunching leaves. Nothing could take the place of fall, but winter is climbing the charts. Nonetheless, it will probably always be my least favorite of seasons, but at least I'm not miserable this winter. I think that's due to some other factors, however...

Wow. Yesterday was definitely top ten of this year. I had an excellent conversation with Rachel, Beth, Sharon and Susan, Movie and Game Night was INCREDIBLY fun, lots of new faces came and had a blast, and I ate SO much nacho cheese dip that I am in some serious pain right now. It was all worth it :) Lou Sandler didn't give us a quiz, extended lots of assignments, and he didn't do anything to particularly make me want to rip hiim into shreds. I made some "friends" in the education department with some important, high-up professors that I think I can maneuver my way with into getting my tuition to pay everything for me to go to Africa, including spending money, and maybe one of them will become my education advisor. And I decided to go to Cameroon. Way to go Friday!

Here's a poem because I don't know what else to write. "I hope you hate it." ;-)


Petals (September 20, 2002)

I fall into myself
Saying I’ll never
Let go.
Time lapses and I can
Make my life like stone.
I ignore the rose
Petals on the floor.
Your roses died
So quickly, so soon.
I never used to
Appreciate
Catfish and
Tennis rackets.
Their intricacies
Disgust me.
Your dreams
Were all your own.
I never did
Love the ocean
Anyway.

Lately I've felt a little emptiness, and I've been praying about that and realized that it's not that I'm not getting enough fellowship, it's not that I'm not having enough alone time with God (although I could never have too much), and it's not that I'm caught up with sin or that there's some big "distraction" in my life...it's that I feel that I haven't been using my gifts, I haven't been pursuing the things that I know God has placed on my heart, and I haven't been developing those gifts to their full potential. So I prayed about that the other day.

And sure enough, the next day, Kaye Martin announced that the gentleman from Global Student Teaching, a program based at a university in Minnesota that I had been looking into last semester, was visiting our school. This was something I really wanted to do last semester, but this semester I was pretty blase about it. I started praying that God would reveal (bright and clearly) whether or not I was supposed to go. We have a project due in one of my classes with children's books. By coincidence, the only ones I could find to fit the criteria were on Africa. I met a super nice girl from Nigeria lastnight. Danielle talked about going overseas lastnight at Crusade. And when I opened the brochure for the program today, the first thing I saw was a line of little African children, smiling with their amazing smiles and priceless wide, beautiful eyes. Well, to make a long, detailed story short (I have class in a few minutes), I'm going to fill out this application, continue praying about it, and most likely, travel to Cameroon (which is in west Africa) next Spring.

And that's what following God's will is like...

He makes the scary things so exciting.

Soooo Jake and I have enrolled ourselves in ballroom dancing lessons at the Elks Club every other Wednesday. Dancing for me is like math--I can get it, it just takes me a little longer :) Jake, needless to say, is amazing (still haven't found something I can beat him at) and has managed to not make me feel like a complete idiot (just a semi-idiot). I have become very familiar with the appearance of Jake's brown shoes, because I stared at them for about 3 hours lastnight as we danced. In the fairy tales, the princesses just know how to dance. Where did THEY learn to dance? Surely the 7 dwarfs didn't teach Snow White and surely the fairies didn't teach Sleeping Beauty! I liked the waltz the best because I felt like I was floating (for a whole 30 seconds--after that I lost concentration and tripped up). The dance instructor said it's the man's job to make the girl look good, and if she looks bad, then it's his fault. Jake must have been doing some serious compensating because no one laughed at us, at least, and one of the ladies said it looked like I was "catching on." Then she asked Jake if he could teach them some things at the next lesson. ;-)
Anyway, it was a marvelous time, and for some reason I was extremely shy.

I cover my mouth a lot with my hand when I'm being shy. It's like I'm regressing back to six years old. I bet some of you were shy once and have come out of it---it's weird being shy again every now and then because it's like an old childhood home revisited. It's a feeling of slight bewilderment. I wasn't really bewildered, though, and I didn't want to escape or anything...I guess I'm not used to being in public anymore. I think public things make me really nervous now after being in this little private school for so long. So it is as though I am saying to myself, "This is really scary and not something I am really comfortable with, but I really want to do it!" My eyes were on the ground much of the time, I think, not just because I needed to watch Jake's feet, but I didn't want to catch anyone's eye---then I would have to smile, and blush....because I'm shy like that (believe it or not).

I'm grouchy because I am hungry and I can't eat because I lost my ID.

And the people in the cafeteria and the mail room are being mean to me.

Conversation in the mail room:

Amanda: Hi! Can you look in my mailbox and see if my ID is in there? It's Harrington, H-A-R-R.

Mail Kid: Yeah, hold on.

Mean, evil lady in the back: AHEM!

Mail Kid: She wants me to look in her mailbox FOR her ID.

Amanda: I don't care if you give it to me or not if you could just tell me if it's in there.

Mean, evil lady in the back: Tell her she can check her mail with her license!

Mail Kid looks in Amanda's mailbox anyway.

Mail Kid: Nope, not there. (hands me a paper that was in my mailbox that everyone got and anyone can get anywhere)

Mean, evil lady in the back: AHEM!

Mail Kid: It's just this stupid thing (shows her what was in Amanda's mail box).

Amanda: Okay, thanks.

Mean, evil lady in the back: She could check it with her license!

Mail Kid: I'm going to get fired.

People are such meany heads. I'm going to go eat some ramen noodles now.

February 12, 2002

The Song

Since the days I used to stay in the crosswalks,
Since the days I pretended to speak
Arabic and French,
Since the days I thought I would be a writer,
A zoologist, a teacher, and finally,
A babysitter,
Since then there was a song.

The day came when I saw that I had grown up.
I could no longer play pretend,
Could not whisper-giggle-whisper-giggle,
Could not climb under tables and
I could no longer run, jump, or skip.
But there was still that song.

Since the day I packed up that car,
And since the day I cried,
Knowing nothing would ever be the same,
And since the day
I heard the drip-dop-kling-kling
Of rain
On a small, secret pond,
I always could feel in the backstage
That song.

The day came that I sat in a room
And stared at a tree that was unaware.
It did not find me beautiful
And it ignored me for many hours.
But I stayed and watched,
Knowing it would never leave
But also knowing it would never see.
And the song still played.

The song played in the room next to me.
I sat at the window and stared,
Not picturing you or anything at all--
Not crying, not smiling, hoping but not believing,
Just listening to the song
That always played
In the backstage
Since the very beginning.

Okay, moving on from that subject...


Today was quite a glorious day. Miss Kari and I have had so much quality bonding time lately due to our new workout schedule and because we have a million classes together, and because we are in the same small-group Bible study, but mostly just because God has blessed us this semester :) Today we got in a fight on the quad and I got her ALL wet before choir. I feel kind of bad about that now (sorry, Kari!), but I figure, hey, you're only in college once, you know? And that'll be something she'll remember forever. I am pretty sure a lot of people think we're complete idiots considering we were yelling and screaming and she kept putting me in headlocks and throwing me around. Yes, Kari certainly could take me down any day. I'm thankful she goes easy on me :)

THEN another great thing was that my chicken-look-alike professor was absent today. Usually in college they just cancel class but noooo, not Lou! Thankfully, he had one of the coolest professors ever take his place and she ran that classroom like an educational Heaven. I LOVE Dr. Martin and Dr. Morrow. They are amazing.

I got my placement for field experience....THIRD GRADERS! I almost cried. Third grade is the last grade that I want to teach. I'd rather teach ANYTHING other than third grade. Silly God has decided to teach me a lesson. Sometimes I wish He'd just do what I want. Who knows, maybe I will love third grade even more than first. The good thing is that it will be a lot easier and more fun to do some lesson plans on Japan with third graders. Yes, I think I'm going to do all my lessons on Japan--a few reading and a few writing and of course, those and others will be social studies. Supposedly though, for this field experience, I am going to be evaluated by a Pathwise evaluator, and that is pretty terrifying. It wouldn't be terrifying if I were in a first-grade classroom, because I'll admit, I am an awesome teacher with first-graders. But third graders? I don't know...what if they ask questions I can't answer? What if they start fights that I can't break up? Third graders are too smart, too big, and too sarcastic for my liking. They are mean, too. They're mean to each other and to teachers sometimes, too! First graders always love their teachers. Third graders will just laugh at me and think I'm stupid. Most of them don't like to sing or read poetry or listen to weird Japanese music or write journal entries...They're old enough to say things like "THAT'S STUPID! I HATE THIS!" First graders are soooo wonderful. Oh sigh. Guess I won't be able to use songs as time fillers :-(

I am really sorry if in the last entry or so, I sounded "self-righteous." That was certainly not my intention. There are times that I write in this diary as a personal diary, not necessarily considering that a lot of people are reading it. So, I don't want to make myself sound "holier-than-thou..." or anything. In fact, I think the last entry showed more of how unholy I can be, and I was trying to encourage others in their struggles and remind them that Satan does lie, as the world lies, in many ways and from many dangerous angles. I wasn't trying to blame outside forces. I am well aware that with the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17), I can tackle Satan's lies...but it's so difficult for us stupid humans to stay strong and close to the Lord. I fail in this so often. And for those who think Satan isn't attacking us, you're wrong. I'm sorry, but you're wrong. He does tempt us, and we must overcome those temptations, as can be seen between the temptation of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and in some of the following passages:

"...I was afraid that somehow the tempter had tempted you and that our labor had been in vain." (1 Thessalonians 3:5).

Jesus said in Matthew chapter 16: "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things."

1 John 2:14: "...I write to you, young people, because you are strong and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one."

So, I know I can't just say things like, "the devil made me do it." That is not and is never true, for no temptation is too great to avoid (1 Corinthians 10:13). I take full responsibility for the sins I commit, and trust me, I commit a lot of them, so please don't ever think that I feel more righteous than the next guy.

Satan is hardcore on seeing me fail, so when I say things to myself like "You're a loser, you failed, so give it up. There's no use trying," I believe that is a worldly lie--one that stems from the way Satan chooses to attack us. Okay, so yes, maybe that's me being stupid, but it's also a lie and it's also giving Satan a foothold (also in Scripture...please let me know if you can find it because I can't right now) if I believe it. I know that Satan does not have the power that God does---Satan is not all-knowing and all-powerful, and he does not have a hold on me as long as I embrace God. That's a choice, a choice that many people in this world make daily--to pick up our cross and follow Christ.

Once again, I apologize for ever sounding self-righteous, and I know that I am not always right, if ever right at all. It doesn't really matter if I'm right or not, and if anyone wants to think I am wrong, that's fine with me. If you want to prove I'm wrong, that's fine, too. We will find out soon enough, I'm sure.

If I can't talk about the center of my life (God) without sounding self-righteous, then what am I supposed to talk about?

Thanks :) I got a lot of feedback from that one.

So, yesterday I most certainly did feel like a failure. Not only did I fail in being kind, but I just failed in so many areas it's not even right. I wanted to focus on "kindness" yesterday, and I was just not kind at all. I even said a bad word several times that starts with A and ends with E. Seriously though, I think it was just asshole day. I've never seen so many people just be complete jerks. I think that when I make a goal for myself, Satan decides to make it extremely difficult. It's very discouraging, you know. So this morning I was laying around feeling like a big fat failure and I read this poem that is on the wall by Lindsay's bed. The last few lines say:

And when things seem dark
And hard and difficult to face
The memory of that little boy
Helps me in my race.

For all of life is like that race
With ups and downs and all
And all you have to do to win
Is rise each time you fall.

"Quit! Give up! You're beaten!" They still shout
In my face, but another voice within me says
"GET UP AND WIN THE RACE!"

So, this voice within me said, "Amanda, you haven't failed. You fell, yes, but get up and win the race."
And another voice said, "No, you can't. You're a loser, a failure, and you suck. You'll never do it. It's impossible. Look how hard you've tried already. Every time you fall! You're so behind, there's no hope!" (The little boy in the poem fell three times in the race).
But God comes back and says, "GET UP AND WIN THE RACE!"

No matter how many times we fall, we must get up and win the race. Even if we don't get first place, even if we're last, as long as we rise every time we fall, we still win.

I don't think anyone reads this anymore and I don't think my creative juices are flowing anymore, so I might terminate this online diary. So if you read it and think it's worth it, let me know.

Okay, enough of that subject.

Things are going so very well in every area of my life, although watching others in rough times tends to make me sad. Sometimes I think I feel guilty for having things going well when things for other people aren't going well at all. It doesn't seem fair. I guess the world would be crazy if people went through bad things all at once and good things all at once because then we couldn't support each other, and the Lord knows I've needed support in the past, so giving others support is not only a responsibility, but an opportunity and a gift--because that is part of being friends.

Never in my life did I ever, ever imagine having friends like I do. I never imagined that I'd be able to be totally honest, totally open, cry in their arms, and hopefully, spend the rest of my life being their friend. God has blessed me with many things, but friends have got to be one of the best gifts of all. They are all so different, so unique, and all so amazing! Wow!

Favorite people of the day:

Olivia Newton-John: Because Susan was singing that "Physical" song the other day and she sort of reminds me of Olivia.
Sharon: Because she is so very cool.
ALL my friends, because they are all equally wonderful.
Jake: Because he makes me smile...a lot...

I have a lot of scenarios.

Two Singles as Good Friends

No one on one time, unless you have been asked out on a date or asked someone else on a date. In other words, you should clearly define the relationship. One on one time can be great, but when it is in excess, like more than when absolutely necessary or the friends share really personal things, at least one of the "friends" will probably start having feelings for the other. Now, either you can save yourself from the heartache, or you can refrain from not being evil and protect the other person from heartache. Now there is the situation that happens like "Oh but I REALLY like him sooo much, he is such a nice guy, but I really don't think this is going anywhere but just maybe, maybe it might...I know he likes me, and I might like him, but I don't really think so...." This is when things get dangerous, because most likely the "evil" person in this situation is going to send some very mixed messages, because, as you can see, they're pretty mixed up themselves. They need to escape this situation and start things over, whether its with an official date or an official "see ya around." Trust me, I know this situation...I've been on both sides. I've been the evil one and I've been the heartbroken one, and yes, no matter which side you are on, you feel pretty horrible. It's not fun.

Two Friends who are Dating Other People

I agree that this makes for a much safer, secure friendship, especially if you're all friends. There is still cause for concern in the one-on-one time. Even if it is in a public place, other people may start to wonder and you don't want people asking YOUR boyfriend or girlfriend things like, "Hey, I say your bf/gf with ___________ today. They hang out a lot..." It's a weird situation, and not that it really matters what anyone else thinks, but why cause struggle or give the other person/people involved any reason to be jealous? Sharing too much with someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend can be frustrating for their partner, knowing that you, most likely a friend of theirs, knows many intimate things about their relationship--perhaps even more than they do. This is why when it comes to my girls' boyfriends, I try to maintain a safe, clear distance.

So I think people should ask themselves some questions:

-Is what I am doing going to give anyone reason to be jealous (even if they say it's okay, even if it's just a LITTLE bit, even if they promise it doesn't make them jealous at all)?
-Is what I am doing going to cause anyone to lose trust in me?
-Is what I am doing best for everyone involved, or is it a selfish act?

See, we have to make sure that when we are in risky friendships, we ask ourselves honestly---are we take, take, taking from the relationship and not giving? Are we doing the person/people more harm than good? Sometimes, it seems, we seek close personal relationships from the opposite sex because it makes us feel better about ourselves, it's exciting, it offers strong emotional support that members of the same sex can't offer, and so on. This may not always be the case, but many times it is, so we have to check our hearts.

Now there are guy friends of mine that have been my friends for many years, and I think it's safe to say that we are "safe," but it wasn't always that way...we went through a lot of turmoil to get where we are, and in many cases we made life hell for each other at certain times. They're great guys and worth the trouble, though, and I love them so much! However, there are still guidelines to keep, and even though I believe we have nothing "for each other," I would never, ever, want to give their girlfriends (if they have one) a reason to doubt or to be jealous, I would never want to cause the guy friend of mine to stray or stumble, and I would never want to risk my own relationship (if I happen to be in one :) ). So I avoid one-on-one time with the boys, which isn't so hard and they know and understand. I know Jeff will probably read this and respond :) At least, I hope he will! Friends like Jeff and Winey are people I love so, so much, and everyone who knows us all understands our friendship, but since their girlfriends and my, well, you know, don't know and probably would have a difficult time understanding, I don't want to give them any reason at all to stumble in their relationship with each other. I highly respect and value the relationships of Jeff and Anne and Winey and Stephanie--and even if Anne and Stephanie were TOTALLY cool with me spending one-on-one time with their boyfriends, why risk it? Why give them a reason to doubt for a SECOND? And if this is my own rule, not to spend one-on-one time with a guy when I have a boyfriend, then it would be totally hypocritical for me to turn around and spend alone time with a guy who has a girlfriend. Do you get it?

I don't expect other people to agree with me, but in many cases, after you've experienced having close friendships with members of the opposite sex, most people start to agree....
Guys and girls can't be "just friends...," at least not without some serious complications and emotional stress. Now that we're in our twenties and stuff, it's just really messing with people's lives and hearts. It's not a nice thing to do. Be careful :)

Let me tell you about how much I love my scarf. It is saving me. I think that if I weren't a Christian, I'd start worshipping my scarf. My coat is so warm, too--but there has been a new addition to the family: my brother's mittens. I always have very cold hands, but even when it was 10 below zero the other night, my hands were sooo warm. I stole them from my brother :) Am I a good sister or what?

I read this article earlier this week about a topic of discussion that Kendra and I have been pretty "excited" about, meaning we think we know what is right and what is wrong (in most cases) and in many cases, I wish other people would see it the way I see it (you know, it's that hard-headedness in me shining through), but unfortunately, a lot of people don't. I want to know what you all think, so here it is.

So, I want to ask the age-old question, the question that has skyrocketed since the release of "When Harry Met Sally" to some of you....

"Can guys and girls be "just friends?" Meaning, can a guy and a girl have a close and intimate friendship and keep it at that? What are the risks? What can you do to prevent problems, heartbreak, and struggle? Say what you think in the comments section below and if possible, support it...!

Do you ever want to say to people, "Please learn what I learned already," meaning, you wish they could learn an important life lesson that you've already learned, and you want to tell them all about it and tell them that what they are doing is stupid, but you can't because you know that they will just have to learn from experience. So you watch and watch and watch as they go through the same things you did and experience the same crappy things you did, and you can't even really do anything about it but watch. ...And if you try to be a "friend," it only comes off as being condescending. This applies to so many situations. Sometimes I really honestly think I know what's going on--why a person might be going through what they are going through, what they should do about it, etc...but they don't listen, and it's better to let them find out on their own most of the time anyway. Can't say I didn't try, huh?

Wow!!! Guess what I did lastnight?! (that was rhetorical---you don't REALLY have to guess, but if you want to, start guessing....



Oh, you're wrong (if you tried to guess, I'm betting you didn't guess right)! Lindsay, Kendra, Kari, Brad, Jake and I went sled riding lastnight at 10:00 on dumpster lids! They are PERFECT for sledding. We went over to Mem/Moore's hill by the hollow and had an absolute blast and a half. Speaking of "blasts," I got blasted by a tree and Jake's head...I'm pretty sure I have a concussion. That tree just popped outta nowhere. I had my eyes closed because I was in front and the snow blasted me in the face, and silly Kari must have forgotten to say something like, "TREE!" And then all of a sudden I felt this horrible, totally unexpected crash as my left leg seemed to just crunch against this wall (which I found out was a tree when the branches started to attack my face). I laughed, but was afraid to move in fear that perhaps my leg had been broken....and finally, after Kari recovered from shock and let me out of the tree, I stood up and said....

"YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!"

It was like Rudy or something.

Well, lastnight's serious time with God makes sense now. I'm glad He decided that I needed some serious alone time with Him because it definitely prepared me for other things.

Today is January 26th, 2003. Remember that date.

Hi! I think I'm out of my bitterness stage now. I'm sure you're all glad to hear that, because my messages have been pretty bitter lately :) I think this is a combination of bitterness towards people and a little lacking in my faith, meaning I'm not sure I have that much faith in God at doing what I need Him to do. So, He's working on that for me. It's a little scary, but it will be good.

Bitterness towards people...I don't know, it might be a kind of judgmental bitterness, like a "I'm right and you're wrong." Sometimes I'm just mean like that, and I grow really frustrated when people are jerks or when they put on an act and other things like that. There's things that have just been put on my heart, and I'm positive they're from the Holy Spirit, so it makes me so angry when people don't see things my way because I really think I'm right! I KNOW it's not about being right and usually it doesn't even matter, but it still causes a lot of frustration sometimes.

I think I've come to a point in my life where I've had to step back from the "social" aspect of Christianity (making lots of friends with everyone, reaching out, and those things, which are of course, very good and an important aspect), and make sure that Christ was still there, beneath all the people, get-togethers, fellowships, talk, and I guess just the whole "physical, I-can-see-it" stuff. I think you probably must understand. I've needed to make my beliefs and my faith my own, on my own--by reading His Word, praying, and seeking Him out--praying that He breaks down all the weird walls that still exist between Him and me. And it's something that I can't really get from talking to people this time, it's something that God needs to work inside of me. It's weird that there are still walls there. I thought I took care of all my walls a long time ago, but it seems that they just keep popping up out of nowhere. I wonder if that will always happen. How many walls from my past can there be? Well, here we go, I guess. It's quite an adventure. It's like that movie, Labyrinth, with David Bowie!
Wall-wall-funny fairy things-secret passage-wall-big fall!-tornado-monster-wall-wall-shortcut-new friend-stairs-up-up-up....

This is what my personality test results said:

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest...Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.


Do you agree???

Today, I am angry at the world. I'm angry because everything, everything, everything seems to be about sex. People dress too slutty, act too obnoxious, and all people talk about is sex, sex, sex, whether they're doing it implicitly or explicitly. And people wonder why men cheat on their wives and wives cheat on their husbands and why teenagers are having sex at 14 and yada yada yada. It's ridiculous. See, I've really been trying to hard to just come totally, totally clean and I swear it's nearly impossible with all this jibber jabber going on with sexual connotations and crap. It's really aggravating.

That which usually entertains Lindsay and I is in absence tonight, staying in Cleveland for the weekend. Isn't that a bunch of poop. Meanwhile, I keep thinking about pigs-in-blankets. I don't know why, but I am so hungry for pigs in blankets. Mmmh. We were at dinner for an hour and a half today. Dinner is so much fun. Brad is way awesome, I hope he knows that I don't hate him. He thinks I hate him and that certain things I say are against him, but really he is just paranoid. Maybe he has some type of anxiety disorder. I think that if I were to say any of my friends had an anxiety disorder, it would definitely be Brad. I don't really think he does, though. I just think he likes to pretend he does. This must be some type of disorder as well. I think it might qualify as hyperactivity...not attention defecit, though. Brad and Jake are roommates and at first one might think they are so much alike, but really they are pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum, especially when it comes to anxiety and arguing about stupid things. Okay, okay, so maybe some of the things Brad wants to argue about are pretty big, like nuclear war. This IS something I do care about, but I just don't like arguing about things like that, you know? And I'm always stereotyped. He says to me something like, "Oh you just don't think there should ever be war..." and blah blah blah, but I never said that. I think war stinks, but I never said that I think there shouldn't be war. Of course, war these days just isn't what it used to be back in Gideon times, but I guess the people who are jerks will get their due someday. Aah, well, if you try to argue about everything and figure everything out you'll drive yourself crazy. I'm living in the mountains of Wisconsin and when the world comes to an end, heck, I won't even be here, so there.

Conversation today between first graders:

G: Look Amanda! I have a loose tooth.
Me: Oh wow! Is the tooth fairy going to come visit you?
G: No, I don't believe in the tooth fairy.
S: Yeah, he doesn't believe in anything...

I guess that, according to many kids in this country, that if you don't believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, that you just don't believe in anything. Why hope and "pray" to Santa? Why put plastic images of some fat old guy in your lawn? And porcelain Santa ornaments? Why encourage your children to write down their wishes and dreams and send them away to some fictional character? I think they call that idol worship. Not sure, but I'm pretty positive it comes mighty close. So not only does glorifying Santa and the Easter Bunny water down the whole Jesus part, it replaces Jesus with plastic images that children see as some kinds of gods. Hmmmm. And people have to question whether or not to tell their kids about Santa? Maybe I'm too judgmental. I want my kids to dream, to imagine things like "what if there are little gnomes under the ground?" But not hope in things that are not real, that take away from God. And such. Do you know what happened to people in the Bible that took part in idol worship? It really pisses Him off. So don't teach your kids that stuff.

Oh, Santa is dead, preschoolers. Okay? He does not exist. Deal with it.

If you guys can not be nice with your comments, I will have to take away that privilege.

:)

So lastnight at about 1 am Lindsay tells me that we have a paper due today in my "Family-Centered Practices" class. This is not a good thing considering I do not have time on Wednesdays to write a paper on thirty pages of information before 1:30. Nonetheless, I began working on it before lunch, typed in the title, the author, my name, the date, and started looking over the article once again. I thought, hey, I've written about this before...and sure enough, last week I completed the paper. Three cheers for me and my working-ahead abilities. Talk about integrity and self-discipline! How do ya like that? Now, if I could only be as disciplined in a few other areas of my life...
Sigh.....

I keep getting cool ideas for my classroom. I just keep thinking of things, so many things that I want to do, and so many books that I want to get. I try to write everything down, but I'll never be able to do all of it. This is a big deal to me because I've always pictured the perfect classroom since I was a little kid. I think it's a bigger deal than my future home. I guess it's more important to have an awesome classroom than it is to have an awesome home. But it's all about LOVE, right? ;-)

"The perfect will of God is attainable, in part, by discipline, but never apart from it."

I always have a song in my head about candy apples. Why? I don't even like them.

Okay okay okay. Sorry for the outburst. I know perfectly well that in fact, most guys are generally very nice people. Everything is better now :) In another couple days or so, I will probably have another outburst again. Be ready for it... ;-)

I am sooo tired right now! I went to bed lastnight around 1...got up at 6:15...got to work at 6:45...heard that school was on a two-hour delay. Then school was cancelled. So, I didn't get to take a shower after work and sleep after work at 9 am. But this was a good thing, because I need the hours. So I worked from 7 am until 1:30 with the preschoolers, a relatively easy job, but quite boring. I really wanted to be with my school-agers. They are so fun to play with. Preschoolers are like, "Teacher, teacher...put my hair in pigtails...button up my pants...draw me a Barbie..." The school-agers are way more cool. Here's to all my buddies in K-3rd Grade...I missed you kids today!

Actual Conversation between two Five Year Olds and a 4-Year-Old Today, Approximately 10 am:

M: "Mommy said that Santa can never, ever, ever die."
J: "Nope, not EVER!"
S: "When you go to Heaven, you don't ever have to sleep."
M: "No naps!"
J: "Santa will never die."
S: "People don't sleep in Heaven."

So, I know that I am supposed to depend on God for happiness, and that He can make me happy, and believe me, He does make me happy. I mean, what more could I ever ask for? So it's not that I want some human (guy) to fill all the empty spaces or rescue me or make me happy...because God most definitely does all those things for me through Jesus Christ. But honestly, people, why can't guys just be nice? Huh? Are you a guy? If so, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NICE???!!! What's wrong with this picture? I do not understand. I do not understand. I do not understand.

I was such a jerk today! I have no idea why, but I was so, so, so MAD, and I had NO reason to be mad. I was just really angry. I would just like to apologize for my behavior. I'm really embarassed by it, honestly. I need to be on medication of some sort for severe mood swings. I just cannot believe the way I act sometimes. It's incredible. Gosh, I just hate that! And so for awhile I was really mad at myself, but now I'm just a little embarassed, because that's not me. Ohhh, sigh.

I am a shameless, heartless b---- sometimes when I write. So be afraid, be very afraid, and I apologize in advance...

It is "rush" season again and then comes pledging and all that other stupid, stupid crap.

Now, I understand, I understand, I understand why people join sororities and I don't think you are bad people or stupid in any way at all. I respect you, I love you, I think you're awesome and cool and all that jazz. I could think of about 3 awesome reasons to join sororities, but I, personally (and I do mean personally, this may not be true for all people) have a lot more reasons not to join a sorority.

But really, I hate sororities. These are the top 10 [offensive, stereotypical] reasons why.

10. I don't need to pay for my friends.

9.5 All that yellling on the quad is annoying!

9. I don't feel special by having Greek letters printed across my chest, and I don't like it that people would stereotype me when they see letters printed across my chest.

8.5 I will not subject people to things like lack of sleep, emotional stress, physical torture, smelly clothes, embarassing situations, disgusting practices, etc... in order to be my friends.

8. I don't like it that if one, two, five, twenty...of my "sisters" did something really stupid or mean or something, or if they were just generally not-nice people, that it would reflect badly on me, my non-deserving "sisters" and the "program" I supported (for example, people saying things like "Those stupid Sigmas (not a real sorority)! They are such snobs!" or "They" do this and "They" do that...

7. I don't like it that it is so exclusive (it would be impossible for it not to be exclusive, I think).

6. I don't like it that it reminds me sooo much of the days when my friends and I would make up things like "Best Friends Club" where we'd have secret codes, contracts, ID cards, symbols, and we'd kick people out... I grew past that stage.

5. I am a child of God, and I have plenty of brothers and sisters in Christ to make me happy...we have a "contract" that is by the blood of Christ, and it is offered to EVERYONE at an affordable price---with the benefit of eternal life with Jesus Christ.

4. I do not want to pay for someone else's alcohol. Perhaps, maybe, I'll buy some champagne or wine in my lifetime, and I might even buy a friend or two a daquiri on her 21st birthday and such, but I just cannot help pay for 22 kegs of beer.

3. If anyone starts calling me their "Lil'" or their "Big," they're gonna get the smack laid down Amanda style (cold, hard stare and at least two weeks worth of silent treatment).

2. While I do support Christian sororities in their outreach to Greek life, going into "their world" and such, there are other ways of maintaining this relationship with sorority girls and fraternity guys that would be better suited for other people (such as myself), and while I haven't hung out with a whole lot of Greeks lately (mostly because I have a hard time resisting things like Jell-o shots and Mike's Hard Lemonade), I am perfectly comfortable with visiting most of their parties (I say MOST because I will not go to the Ulsters' presentation of "Oz," understandably). While many are called into this great, respectable opportunity for ministry and join Christian sororities, I am not.

1. And that is the main reason why I am not in a sorority, because the Holy Spirit has not led me to do so...

(which means that all the previous statements are totally irrelevant and were only written due to my bitter attitude and lack of sleep).

In response to Kendra and Veronica, I have a good little blurb from my good pal, Jeff, one of the coolest guys in the world.

"....We were not created to be dominant over each other. In the greater scheme of things I think that one to another is merely a compliment. Surely there are things women do better than men and vice versa. Professing that one sex is dominant over the other is preposterous, at least in my mind. My duty as a male is to compliment a female, and the duty of a female is to compliment a male. In whatever that situation may be. If the female is the "bread winner" of the family, then that male should take the other roles necessary to function that family. It's as simple as that. I know in this vague rant of mine I may not have been totally clear and maybe I will come back and doctor this thing up a little bit, but for now that's how I feel." -Jeff B.

Kendra is trying to put comments on here.

I am actually expanding my horizons! Because I am a big idiot, I do not like to learn new things a whole lot (as in games). I like to do things I know how to do and/or come naturally to me. This means that when it comes to games, I like to play things like Scattergories, CatchPhrase, Balderdash, UpWords, etc...not cards, not anything that involves serious strategy, or anything like that. I like words and letters. This is how my brain functions and what it likes to do best.

BUT since I am really trying to force myself to enjoy things that I have not done before, I have recently learned to play stupid, stupid games like Euchre...and lastnight I learned how to play Chess and Rummy. Yippee! I'm a little proud of myself for now at least understanding the game of Chess, because I know it's a tough game to play and well, it just sounds intelligent, doesn't it? But really, I just hate it. And games like this (Euchre, Chess, etc.) always make me feel dumb, because I know that I'm not good at them. If I practiced, maybe I'd be better, but to get better, I would have to be dumb for awhile, and I don't like being dumb. I think I have a serious ego problem.

Chess is really cool, by the way, because the queen can do whatever she wants!!! And the king is stupid and can only move one space at a time. And once the queen is gone, the king usually dies soon after. This game makes a lot of sense, it really does.

Brad is a great teacher. Jake, on the other hand, is NOT. Here is Jake's method of teaching me how to play Rummy:

Jake: Your turn.
Amanda: I can't go first, I don't know how to play. I don't know what I am doing.
Jake: Your turn. Go.
Amanda: What is the object of the game?
Jake: Do you want me to go first?
I lay down a card, mumbling to myself, and it continues as I ask some questions and mumble more and frequently say things like "I don't know what I am doing, this is stupid, I can't believe this..."
A few minutes pass and I try to guess what it is I am supposed to do, bringing up previous knowledge of watching my mom play Rummikub and gin rummy.
Amanda: I don't know what to discard now. I don't know what I am doing! What is the object of the game?
Jake: Let me see your cards....you're doing it right, you just need four of one kind and three of another.
I think to myself: Good guess, Amanda. (Come on, that was a really good guess!) Now I just need one more 10...
Time passes for a minute or so.
Jake: I win!!!! (He smiles, pretty proud of himself, not looking at me because he knows that he is too happy and proud and that he shouldn't be that proud of himself, and that if he looks at me I'll gouge out his eyeballs, because we are both quite competitive and he knows that he is totally unfair and a big cheater.)
Amanda: Well go figure (throw cards at him). Arrrrrgggghh.

It's a good thing you're dropping your education major, Jake!

Brad: You don't know how to play ANYTHING. No wonder you're hooked on CatchPhrase.
Amanda: I just don't like cards.
Jake: Yeah, such high intelligence at the Lighthouse.

grrrrrrr
grrrrrrr
grrrrrrr!

:-)

An excerpt for you:

Marie had never been suicidal, but in times like these, times of anger and despair, she wanted to smash her car into the next huge oak tree she saw. Not because she wanted to die, but because it would just feel good to slam something. The closest thing sometimes was a steering wheel.
How entertaining it would be the day her husband or children made her really angry and she hit the car in front of her at 10 miles an hour just because she could. Just because it would feel good. Just because it would make them realize she was serious. Just because she was, in most aspects of the mind, a little crazy.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY (this is for Kendra): Yes, you are right, of course (smile, smile, smile... :) ) and, I love it.

Happy 17th Birthday to my little cuz Drew!

"He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him." -John 7:18

"...learn through us the meaning of the saying, 'Nothing beyond what is written,' so that none of you will be puffed up in favor of one against another." -1 Corinthians 4:6

There's some interesting aspects of wisdom that I've been learning...that wisdom can be dangerous, that wisdom can be a blessing, and that Godly wisdom is nothing that is gained by experience or studying or reading...it doesn't matter what you've been through, what you have seen, what you have read...because those things don't matter, and it was nothing YOU did to gain that wisdom...if you have Godly wisdom, it is nothing but a gift from God, and He deserves the credit...not us, not a professor, not a pastor. It is a gift--pray for it, seek it, and use it for God, not for your own benefit or to "puff up yourselves" in favor over another.

So maybe someone's been through a lot, seen many things, travelled to distant worlds, studied the Bible cover to cover--they are probably full of knowledge, stories, experiences...but not necessarily Godly wisdom. And what if someone has not experienced anything very troubling, anything really fabulous, they don't feel knowledgeable...? They can still be wise...

So don't be discouraged, because wisdom is a gift that is offerred to everyone, because it is the Holy Spirit that dwells within us, and the Holy Spirit is offerred to every living human being (the trick is to start using it).

And don't be a jerk about it, either. You can be full of wisdom and still come off as a pompous, malevolent idiot that is either intimidating or annoying or psycho...and what good is wisdom if no one wants to be around you?

[Sorry for the sermon, it was on my mind]

Soo...things are going along just wonderfully :) Everything is very good. The Muskie ladies' basketball team is having some sickness going around, and Lindsay is freaking out, as is Kari, as you can imagine (the de-germing fanatic). I have a cold. I told Kari it's because I didn't wash my hands when I went to the bathroom between classes yesterday. oooops. She is disgusted by my personal hygeine. heeheehehee. Our first Bible study of 2003 was awesome! And well, things are going smoothly all around....

MOM: Can you take my library books back for me? There's two about refinishing furniture.

Lindsay and I get to work on a project together! How fun is that???!

It turns out that Mondays are pretty rough...Kari and I work out at 8:30, and then I have class at 10:30, lunch at 11:30, class at 1:30 and another class at 2:30 and then dinner at 5:00 and then class from 6:30-9:15. Goodbye life on Mondays, and heck with studying, too, you know? Well today (and Tuesdays from hereafter) I work 7-9 in the morning and then I don't have anything....until class from 5:30-8:30 and then Bible study at 8:30. I had a nice two hour nap today. Yaaaaawwwn. SIgh. The night class on Monday isn't too bad because Kari and Lindsay are in that one with me, and they are also in my 334 (excuse me, the title of that class is family-centered practices or something) class. I officially realize why education majors always call their classes by numbers and not titles...they are all exactly the same. The syllabi even look the same. I am so confused on which class is which. I hope that I figure it out soon. Lindsay said she didn't figure it out last semester until the last week at school. I miss not having an English class. Goodbye, creativity! Hello, spoon-fed education. Yippee.

So I only have 16 credits. This worries me. According to my four-year plan, I have everything I need, but I am figuring I probably forgot something. But really, with 70 hours of field experience, I think the Tuesdays and Thursdays off will help, and if I end up here another semester, it's really not that big of a deal....

'cause I'm figuring I'll need a couple extra months to figure out what the heck I'm gonna do with my life!

MOM: YES I am saving my receipts, and YES I have them from last semester...there was a mistake at the bookstore, however, and so I have to take a book back and get another one, so they will have to refund my credit card. Hopefully, they'll be smart enough to figure this one out (haha...I always screwed up credit card refunds at Hallmark. It was really bad).

So...Jake and I went to the movies lastnight to see "Catch Me if You Can," and I had to go to the bathroom two times during the movie and the last time I went, I ran right into the wall in the bathroom. Silly me!


Here's a good thing I read today:

"The result of faulty human perception frequently leads to the establishment of goals that are off target and unproductive in the things that truly matter for eternity.

In sharp contrast, the wisdom given by the Holy Spirit yields clarity and precision. It leads to an expansion of ability, a righteous perspective, and the establishment of goals that are focused and productive, and that are centered on the most important things of eternal benefit."

-Charles Stanley from the book "Walking Wisely"

February 22, 2002

Temporary

He searched for a cure
Skipping pebbles on
A lonely waterway.
He thought of her
And the crashing of
A temporary hand to hold.
She needed more calcium.
He needed some sleep.
She asked for water.
He only wanted ice cream
And cake.
Things were so hurried,
Things were so right
Yet so broken.

December 28, 2002: Christmas Conference


Sharpened thorns along the stairs
I tried to climb into your arms,
But I could not make it there.
I cried in the depths.
I felt so far away,
And just when I thought
I was too scared,
You came to me instead.

I thought you had forgotten me.
I thought I'd never change.
But you took my heart and my pain
And somehow made me whole again,
Accepting me,
Loving me
For every piece
And everything that I am.

I remember that day
You accepted the thorns
For my sake,
Because I was alone and finally
Knew I needed you.

Rusted nails everywhere
So deep inside my soul.
I thought I'd never live
Buy you took them as your own
And somehow made me whole again.

For my sake, you took my pain.
For my sake, you died
So I could live
And be with you again.

Here I am back at school, oh great Muskingum! Things have been sooo good! Kari and Lindsay are here and Mindy was chillin with us. Kari and I made dinner and we ate the BEST dessert ever!!! We went to WalMart and all that jazz, too. Yes, it's a typical Friday night in Muskieland. :) For all you Muskies, I miss you all so very much (okay, I do miss some more than others)! :o) My mom stayed for awhile and talked with Kari and I...the town's gossip, you know. It was way awesome.

It turns out that Veronica and Chrystal are returning tomorrow as well and then Sunday comes and...YAY! Everyone will be back in New Concord! I am so pumped. I can't wait to buy my books. I love new books and I love classes the first few days. After that, I HATE them! I'll miss having an English class. I LOVE buying new novels. Textbooks can be so boring--especially education ones. I feel like I already know all there is to know...me being so intelligent and all. Ha! Well, if you're a Muskie, I'll SEE YOU SOON! Love you all!

Peace and God bless :)

"My baaags are packed, I'm ready to go...

Here I stand inside the do'

I'd love to wake Lindsay up

And say "I'll see you in a few hours!"

That's the song I'll be singin tomorrow afternoon after helping out in my little sister's kindergarten and making a very special yummy dessert surprise for my favorite basketball player, my favorite Lindsay, and the greatest person in the world (I have no idea why the entire world is not celebrating)!

I worked on my room some more, moving my vanity and bed and bedside stand to their proper places....I just need a bed frame, I need to paint the bedside stand, make some black and white pictures, get lattice, paint lattice, get some frames...oh, let's not discuss this now. I got a lot done, I really did! :) The rest will have to wait until...summer, I imagine.

My view on the male species today:

I just don't know!

Oh, and as for summer, I've been asked (in this manner) "Hey! Are you going back to Camp Wanake?!"

Can I get a....
hmm...no.
I've decided against it. :) Sorry!

Tonight I took the sibs to see The Wild Thornberrys Movie and I finished my bookshelf and put all my books away on it and it looks absolutely fabulous! I sat and stared at it for like 15 minutes...I love the sight of books! They are like music to me. La la la la la!

Lastnight I watched one of my favorite love stories, "A Walk in the Clouds." It's such a beautiful movie, and even though it's kind of boring and unrealistic and crazy, it's so...perfect. Keanu Reaves' character is so calm and kind and such a great guy.

Kendra is home and Lindsay was named the OAC Women's Basketball Player of the Week!

oh yes, in case you didn't figure it out, i didn't get to go to sharon's....my parents are worriers and the snow was too bad :-p :-(

Veronica's diary is sooo funny! I love that kid! By the way, V, if you read this stupid thing, I know a guy named Dick Skinner. Ha! What kinda parents do that to their kid?

I certainly did lie in bed this morning....errr, afternoon...until nearly 2 p.m., something I have not done since I don't even know when. I went to bed at about 2, so I got about 12 hours :) Only I really did wake up at about 11, thought about things awhile, fell back asleep until 12, thought about things for another hour, slept a bit, thought some more, until I finally got up. I considered just lying there all day. So then I went to the bank, dropped off some clothes at Goodwill, and worked out at the Y for two hours, where I saw the best coach ever, Coach Meyers. He is awesome. The funny thing is that it seemed like I was at the Y all day, because really since my "day" only lasted about 4 hours, I pretty much WAS there all day. I feel all groggy and stuff too, and no, I didn't work on my room at all, but I did peel a potato. Did you hear that? I PEELED A POTATO! My mom peeled about 4 or 5 in the time it took me to do one, but she is super talented and I am getting better.

I've developed a great new diet (Jake helped a little). The idea is to sleep in until at least 12. When you wake up at 12 or 1:00 or so, eat something like a ham sandwich and some cereal. Then go work out for a few hours like from 4-6. This will help keep you away from the refrigerator. Around 6:30, eat dinner. Then the idea is to kinda try not to eat after dinner, but if you stay up until 2am, it's okay because that's like your breakfast for the next day. I suggest that if you are going to eat something this late, don't eat something bad for you...stick to crackers or something (Chips Ahoy and Oreos are exceptions. You can eat those anytime after 10, but you must have FIVE cookies at a time with some milk). But remember, you have to always sleep in until at least noon.

Today I had the wonderful opportunity of grocery shopping, cooking, eating, and watching a freaky forensic movie with an old high school buddy and forever and ever friend, Chris...we go way back to 8th grade when I sold him my Nirvana “Nevermind” CD for ten bucks. Those were the days when he’d make fun of how tight my Daisy Dukes :) were and I’d make fun of how baggy his pants were. And then we moved on to high school, where cross country and track ruled our lives and we lived for long bus rides, conversations about God (with some ridicule and snickering from Kassandra and I), and of course, those Seventeen magazine “quizzes” that shoebox you into categories like “Fun-Loving Girlfriend,” “I-Could-Care-Less-What-You-Do Girlfriend,” or “He’s-MINE-So-Get-Away-From-Him Girlfriend, or how nice you are, what a great friend you are, and so on and so forth...and playing “Shoes” (cross country version of “Spoons”), and fighting over what music to listen to (Ben would turn off the Beastie Boys and Kassandra and I would beg them to play our hype song, “I Got to Keep on Movin’” featuring Puff Daddy before he was that other weird name and before J-Lo was anybody). And Chris would make fun of my boyfriends or try to hook me up with someone and all the girls from the other teams would hit on him and Ben, much to the shock of the Orrville girls (we never found them all that attractive, so why should they?) and much to our scorn (hey, they’re OUR guys, so LAY OFF!)....because no girl was good enough for them, in our eyes, and besides, that was just gross.

SO this entry is dedicated to you CC pals of mine from O-town....weren’t those awesome times?
Kassandra, Kathy, Abby....Chris, Ben, Ryan....I love you guys! Way to go to Ben and Ryan for representing the Orrville XC team...too bad all the rest of us can’t even get a mile in :)

A recount....

Painting the bridge, getting arrested, “we were just chillin’ at my house,” those stupid nasal strips, breakfasts at Mrs. J’s, pasta parties, cramps from eating all that fruit before regionals, “It was my shoe!” Coach Meyers, Coach Flack and his son (Ethan?), 6:30 am practices, Steve Smythe trying to lecture us on what to do and how to do it, Abby and I peeing our pants, me making the bus stop on the way to regionals, taping our shoe strings, taping our ankles, taping our shins, spandex, Ryan’s “boobs,” de-pantsing each other, 6 1000 meter repeats, ladders, and other track workouts, mile repeats, 10 400 meter repeats, (God, what was I THINKING?!), our freshmen...Rachel and Anita...., our sophomore, Lindsay, and the good days, the REALLY good days before the guys became jerks and we were all best friends....swing dancing in the parking lots, pepperoni rolls, granola bars, soup in a thermos, water bottles, shin splints, heel spurs, heat exhaustion, rain, snow, cow manure, ten miles out to Burton City, 10k’s at the Hall of Fame...oh the list goes on and on!

My all-star roommate scored 20 points in her basketball game yesterday....way to go, Linds! Everyone who reads this better give her a big hoot and a holla cuz she rocks and her bday is comin’ up, too!!!

I leave for Sharon’s house tomorrow morning...yay for me! It’s a four hour trip! We’re going to have a blast and a half! Then I will get back Wednesday and soon after that I’ll be truckin it outta here for good ol’ Muskieland! It looks like I won’t be finishing my bookshelf and bedside stand, or my whole entire room, for that matter. I worked so incredibly hard on it and still didn’t get that much done. I didn’t get done the main things that I wanted to, like the crates and the lattice and pictures and picture frames and well, my room is just in shambles right now. And my bedside stand is still in a box! I wasn’t counting on having to paint a bookshelf and a bedside stand though, and I certainly wasn’t counting on doing this technique on the stupid things that takes about 17 steps. 17 steps, I think, for real!

Oh geez, I really do have a lot to do. I wasn’t expecting the end of break to come so quickly! Kendra...I passed the time, I really did, without going crazy or thinking about horrible things!!!!!!! AND Kendra, guess what I did today? I made a plan for your little table-topper things at your wedding reception :) Aren’t you proud? They’re going to be absolutely FABULOUS. I wish I hadn’t slept till 1pm in the morning all through break, because then I might have actually accomplished all the working out I wanted to do over break. I have to make up for lost time on my breaks because Muskingum’s work out machines and weights are poopy.

And the game today! GRRRR! Now, very rarely in my life have I sat and watched an entire football game and actually been interested in it, but when the Browns play the Steelers, who can resist? I watched the whole thing and they lost! Boo-hoo. All I have to say to you Cleveland “players” is WHY?! Why?! That’s what I get for actually watching a football game...stress and disappointment. Another reason not to watch sports and play video games. Stress, stress, stress. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Lessons of the day that I learned the hard way:

Don't get steel wool in your eye or stuck in your finger.
Don't wear socks you particularly care about while painting.
More lessons later...

Okay, well I’ll talk to you later, when I get back from Sharon’s. Meanwhile, just remember....

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

Well, we didn't go ice skating today because Frito was sick. I'm sad that I didn't get to see my friends, but THREE CHEERS for no ice skating!!!! My prayer lastnight, "God please don't let me get hurt ice skating," must have caused God to decide that it would take a miracle to allow me to skate and not get hurt, and although God is really good at miracles, I don't think He'd want to use a miracle with me and ice skating. It wouldn't be good for me, because then I would just always think I was a great ice skater and could also start running and all that again, and I don't think He wants me to do all that. So no miracle for Mandi. Instead, Frito just got sick! (Sorry Frito!)

Someone call the psychiatrist because I've become anorexic! All I ate today was a granola bar! I was so busy trouncing around the nation finding paint, varnish, stencils, brushes, more paint, and other things like wire wool, and that of course led to about five hours of priming up my new bookcase...so I forgot to eat! I just got done eating about half a pizza, so don't worry. :) Well, The idea is to paint my new bookcase and then make it look old. That doesn't make sense at all, does it? It'll hopefully be quite beautiful, and will be the sort of thing my kids fight over when I'm dead. :-D

Cheers to the guys at DiGiorno. It's certainly not delivery...it's BETTER! Mmmmmh the crust is soooo good and I just love this pizza. I love it!

Meanwhile, I am just amazed. Amazed, I tell you!

I spent the day pampering myself (pedicure, manicure, bubble bath, etc.), painting, going to the Y, and painting some more...and you know what? If STUPID microsoft explorer does not stop popping up stupid ads, I am going to sue them. Tomorrow, I'm meeting Frito, Beth, Rachel, and Tim in Wooster. I think we're going ice skating...which will be a horrible experience for me, considering skating is one of the most painful things to do for someone with knees that might as well be filled with shards of tiny pieces of stabbing glass. I'll stop whining...it will be fun, I know. :) Sigh...I hope.

Ohhh, do pray for me. My skiing fears are arising. Maybe I will be a skating prodigy...who knows?

Ooooooh! There’s a scary movie on TV!!!!

So, the Crest WhiteStrips (TM) saga continues....they are working extremely well. I am quite impressed. My teeth have, however, become rather sensitive during this process, a warning that is noted on the directions. They tell me it’s nothing to worry about. Last night I had yet another nightmare about losing my teeth. It was only one tooth this time and I really, really did think it was really happening. These dreams about losing my teeth are seriously disturbing, and I did not eat anything before I went to bed, either. I’m sure the reason for the outburst of the tooth dream was because of the Crest WhiteStrips (TM) and the fact that I did not use them last night due to a late telephone call (yes).

The Christmas Conference in Indianapolis with Campus Crusade for Christ was awesome, as you can imagine. I finally had the opportunity to sleep with Sharon, too! I don’t know what else to say about the conference....we spent the hour up until the new year worshipping and praying. That was really cool. We also had a big dance with the theme of “5 dollar Prom,” so we dressed up in funky thrift shop outfits. It was hilarious. Frito looked awesome--check out pictures if you get a chance! I thought a lot while I was there about what I’m going to do this summer, what things I need to do differently next semester, and boy/relationship issues. Silly God! He didn’t give me any flashing red lights in the sky, but He sure did some amazing things and He’s still working!

To all you Muskies: I will be returning on Friday :) See you soon! I miss you all so incredibly much.