Just don't even bother reading this. I'm only typing it for myself and you'll probably regret reading it anyway.

I called Kendra today in desperation, mostly just to let her know I was having the worst day ever. I usually have the worst day ever when my little 2 1/2 year old monster girl is here. I'm just not always sure what to expect from a 2 1/2 year old, so I check in with Kendra to find out if...

...it's normal for a 2 1/2 year old to not play anything.
...it's normal for a 2 1/2 year old to not play with anyone.
...it's normal for a 2 1/2 year old to throw herself on the ground and cry when anyone tries to play with her or ask her to do anything.

Normally, I keep an eye on her constantly, but I've been walking away more and more. So today I nursed Maryn for ten minutes while the 3 year old and her played in the playroom. I wondered why they were so quiet and figured it meant trouble. But the playroom is safe and there are very few things that can be permanently damaged.

Every single toy, block and puzzle was dumped in the middle of the room. The 3 year old was playing with the train quietly, looked at me, and said, "Her made a mess."

I made her sit in the corner while I put the puzzles back together. No, I didn't find every piece. In fact, the only pieces missing were the ones from the most expensive, wooden magnetic Melissa & Doug puzzle I have, that is one of my favorites. And one piece of another puzzle was bitten and chewed apart. Joy. After the puzzles were back together, she helped clean up the rest. No real harm done, I guess. I controlled my temper, not sure what to do or say or expect from this little Tasmanian devil.

So, I then decided it was time to play outside. We were all ready to go and I stopped by the restroom on the way out to find a toilet, a wall, a trashcan, and a tile floor all covered with pee. So I mopped and scrubbed and reprimanded and corrected and we role played the proper way to use the potty with the little 3 year old boy I am babysitting. He's a good kid, but I guess he was in a hurry...

And that leads me to discuss poop and pee. Because poop and pee in a 2/3 year old's life is pretty major. I do not like changing 3 year olds' diapers. It's ridiculous, and for this reason I'm secretly praying we have all girls who will be PT by 2 1/2. I keep thinking that, surely, there is pee all over my house and little bits of poop everywhere. There's no way they can be going to the restroom and washing their hands properly every time, even if I'm there and watching every move. Not to mention that Pull-Ups and disposable diapers smell awful. Big kid pee stinks, but it stinks even worse in a diaper. Our disposable diaper pail, that is now only used for the kids I watch, smells far worse than the cloth diaper pail. People think that cloth diapers must be disgusting. Let me tell you, disposables are pretty repulsive.

I know I just rambled on and on in this post about a bunch of nonsense, but I needed to rant. And now I'm going to go fold our nice, clean, fresh diapers and check on our sweet baby girl who (OH GOD, PLEASE!) will be able to follow some kind of directions, play like a normal child, and will be potty trained before three.

A busy weekend!

These pictures are backwards, most recent first.
This afternoon (Sunday) we spent some time at Coconut Point Mall, where we stopped at the Apple store, the Disney store, and had some cinnamon sticks from Auntie Anne's. John and I are some wild parents, I know. Then we visited Grammy and Grampy's house (John's grandparents) where we visited and ate dinner. Maryn took a two hour nap on their bed!

Here's Maryn after her exhausting day! Saturday, we started off at Alicia's at 10 am doing hair, makeup, getting dressed, and taking pictures. Then we went to the church, nursed, got ready again, had the ceremony, nursed, got ready again, took pictures, got ready again, and then went to the reception. And nursed. Maryn took only a few cat naps all day and all evening. So last night she had no trouble sleeping a full, straight six hours in her own bed! A feat she hasn't accomplished since she was six weeks old. Let's hope it becomes routine!

Pretty girls by the pretty cake!

The happy little family

Maryn with the flower girl a couple hours before the wedding

Maryn took a nap on Alicia's bed and then was ready to go!

My Body

I was just gathering together some activities this morning for preschoolers circling around the theme, "My Body." Coincidentally, I then went upstairs to do all the things I do to take care of my body each day (which will also be practiced and discussed with the kids). Brushing, flossing, showering, etc. I had to do some extra work today because tonight is the dress rehearsal.

I was absolutely dreading it. Not being there, because it's going to be fantastic. But not being invisible is the problem. I don't want anyone to see me in my dumpy, breastfeeding-friendly clothes. The only clothes that fit. I absolutely cannot wear any of the nicer things I own because they're too small or would be impossible for nursing.

But then I came across the dress I wore for Kari's wedding two (?) years ago, also in February. I remembered it being slightly large in the bust area then, so perhaps it would fit. Well, after about a half hour of sucking in, pulling a muscle, and squeezing into some control-top pantyhose, I got this thing on! And honestly, I look pretty darn good for having a baby four months ago. Until I sit down and my stretched out belly flab plops out, practically sitting on my lap. Sigh.

And I know that tonight and tomorrow, everyone will be saying how great I look. Because everyone knows that I did have a baby recently. But I just want people to not say that. I can't breathe, after all, and every day I feel ugly.

But then I sit here to write on my blog, and the plans I was pulling together pop up. Because in this theme, we also talking about loving and caring for the body God gave us.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

-Psalm 139:13-14

I know these verses. I've known them by heart since college. I know I should love and appreciate the body I have, as well as the clothes I have. Why do I have to be so dissatisfied, so discontent? Why am I like that? Arrghh. I frustrate myself. I do not do, I do not think, I do not act the way I should do, think, and act.

Everyone wants to be me.

I am so cute in my babylegs and skirt!

Look! I can almost stand up by myself!

Fun, fun, fun!

I'm a really great mother. Maryn tries to strangle herself with
links and plays around
toys with small parts like cars. Ah! :)

Oh, how Maryn loves to eat her cereal!

Another day of swinging at the park.

Also, Maryn has been napping and sleeping like a champ! She usually takes a three hour nap and a two hour nap each day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I don't have her on a schedule yet and am wondering if I want to have her on a strict nap schedule. I kind of like how flexible things are right now. But her bed time usually falls somewhere between 8 and 9. John and I go to bed at 9, so I'd like to keep it around 8. What do you moms think? To schedule or not to schedule?

With all this free time, I am starting to get bored. I'm so glad I have kids to babysit. I have no idea what I would do without them! And when Maryn is awake, I just want to cuddle her. All that sleeping makes me miss her!

Ah, they grow so fast.

Today I was supposed to babysit three kids, but my full time kids aren't coming for the rest of the week. They are sick, sick, sick. And normally one might think this would be good news for me. A vacation! But I am sad. I have no one to play with me. What am I going to do all day?

Well, it turns out that I have a bit of a sore throat and am starting to feel nauseated. Is it all in my head? I hope so. The big wedding is Saturday. I have the rehearsal on Friday, hair and make up on Saturday, pictures, and I have to walk in REALLY high heels. I can't figure out how to walk in them. I look like a moron. If someone can help me, PLEASE come over and teach me some runway tricks!

Yes, I am a bridesmaid. In Alicia's wedding. I am SO excited. But I think this might be my last bridesmaid stint. Most of my very closest friends are married now. It's OK with me, because I'm kind of over this wedding/bridesmaid thing. But Alicia and Bradd are an amazing couple truly after God's heart and purpose for their lives. Alicia was in my small group when she was a junior and a senior in high school. I was her leader! Now she is more wise and certainly more patient, kind, generous, and loving than me. Not that that's a hard thing to accomplish.


Here's Maryn with Alicia at Alicia's bridal shower. I hope someday Maryn will be a strong woman of God like Alicia. But hopefully she won't get married when she's 20. Maybe more like 30. Just kidding! If Maryn can find a guy like Bradd, or like her Daddy, I'll give her my blessing. :)

John, however, may see things differently!

My mouth is a window into my heart.. Uh-oh.

“Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats; it only prevents them from hiding.”

-C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

And that is why when those negative words pop out when I lose something, drop something, or forget something, I am reminded of my sinful nature and am given an unexpected newsflash by God on how I'm really doing spiritually.

Because when I'm doing well (which is rare, by the way), I'll say "Oops!" in my head or out loud.

And when I'm not doing so well, I'll say things in my head or out loud like, "Arrghh! I'm so stupid!" Or I use words that might as well be swearing.

"Be careful, little ears what you hear...
Be careful, little eyes what you see...
Be careful, little feet where you go...
For the Father up above is looking down in love,
Oh be careful..."


"From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so." -James 3:10


Every morning I sing "Jesus Loves Me" with Maryn and we pray together. And every day I also somehow slip up in the use of my words. How sad that is.

Unfortunately, going through the motions just isn't enough sometimes. I need to practice in, and be held accountable for, my language, my attitude, my heart.

Book Review and Super Bowl Fun

The Duggars: 20 and Counting

I have been watching the Duggars on TLC in their show 17 Kids and Counting (watch it Tuesdays at 9), which will soon be 18 Kids and Counting, as they just had their 18th child in December.

The intro of the show starts off with Michelle, the mother, introducing her family and explaining some of the ways their family operates. During this intro, I always try to remember each child's name and wonder at how many people watch this program for the entertainment of watching some kind of freak show.

Freak show. Michelle has given birth to 18 children. The kids never watch TV, just some educational videos. The kids are home schooled. The girls wear skirts and the boys wear collared shirts. And the intro shows the family standing in a circle, holding hands and praying. Weird!

Weird? It should be more shocking to us to watch the more common TV family dynamics of a dominating, high strung wife and a dopey, overweight and slothful father with the more popular parenting beliefs of "Let children make mistakes, (which is true in some circumstances, but for goodness sake!)" and where struggles with major addictions such as pornography, alcohol and drugs are not only accepted but expected. "It's something all kids/marriages go through."

No, it's not.

There aren't many things that, if I had the conviction and self-control, I wouldn't like to copy from the Duggar family. And now that I have read their book, I am even more convicted. This book reminded me of our commitment to pay off our debts and not accumulate more. It convicted me of my impatience with Maryn, John, the children I babysit, and others. It made me really think about home schooling and that, it would actually be more awkward to send my children away for 7 hours per day than it would to spend some extra time, money and make a few sacrifices to teach my own children and hold them to God's standards, under my authority, instead of to the State's standards and under the authority of people I wouldn't trust to take care of my cat. And be exposed to the disrespect, attitudes, language...of children such as those living in our neighborhood.

When you watch the show, you start to ask yourself questions, like, "Should children really be sheltered that way?" But if you watch it and you read the book, you quickly realize these kids aren't sheltered, and they're probably going to turn out quite well.

Anyway, get the book ASAP. You'll find useful, practical recipes, organization tips and things like that. You'll learn why the Duggars decided not to use birth control after a miscarriage, about Jim Bob's experiences with politics, some truly incredible, inspiring stories about how God has blessed them in times of trial. And how their faithfulness, prayers and patience have "paid" off in a variety of ways.

Super Bowl Fun

Maryn finally got to spend some time with her BFF London while not in a stroller or nursing in the "nursing room" at church. They loved each other. We tried to capture the cutest moments, such as when London was sucking on Maryn's thumb and when Maryn wanted to have her bunny-feet in London's face, but our cameras weren't fast enough. But it was adorable.

Life is Good

Our lives just got a whole lot easier.

On Friday, I started letting Maryn cry herself to sleep. When she was younger we tried this for a couple of weeks and it never worked. I felt she wasn't ready, but now believe she is. Plus, she's shown signs of exhaustion since I started babysitting but is unable to sleep for long downstairs.

She cried for 45 minutes before her first nap, but slept for almost three hours. Then she cried for 15 minutes before her next nap and slept for two hours. She cried for five minutes before bed last night, and five minutes before her nap today. And she's been sleeping for an hour and a half.

Last night she slept in her bed for just a few hours, then I brought her to bed with me. I'm still a little too lazy, I guess. But as long as I get to fall asleep with John, I'm all right with that. He leaves for work at 3:30 am so it's not a big deal anyway, and I get some good cuddle time with my baby. I love mornings in bed with my smiley Maryn. :)

We also started giving her oatmeal, which means I nurse less often. So with the naps and eating oatmeal, I've had time to pump some bottles. Which means we were able to practice bottle feeding (she was unwilling for a while) and she has been drinking bottles like a champ!

And THIS all means that John and I have a lot more time together. We can start hiring babysitters. I can start keeping the house a little bit cleaner. I can spend more time in God's Word. I can spend more time focused on the kids I babysit.

Score! I love it!

Here's Maryn in her new exersaucer. She LOVES it! Thank you, Michele!

She was so serious as she inspected this little bear and figured out
how to make him move. She looked like a little scientist.

And here she is with her new friend, Sophie the Giraffe, a rubber
teething toy that is SO cool. Thanks, Teri, for recommending it.
It's perfect!

Oh! Last night we visited one of our favorite restaurants, Buca di Beppo. I think everyone should go there. But beware of the naked people on some of the walls. They were bought out by Planet Hollywood and have a slightly different menu. We had a GREAT meal, and Maryn was an angel. One slight drawback: They don't have Sweet n' Low. So if you ever go there, Mom, don't get iced tea!

Whenever I eat Italian food, I feel like I have to have iced tea with it. I think this is because my Italian relatives ALWAYS drink iced tea. Do any of you have this same idea of drinking iced tea with Italian food, or is that just my family?

Then we visited Nathan and Stacie, who had their baby London two days before Maryn was born. London was sleeping, but Maryn had fun showing off her skills. I hope Nathan and Stacie don't feel too bad that Maryn is "ahead" of London on some things. At least London is sleeping through the night!

Is she a good baby?

The odd question I am always asked, "Is she a good baby?" makes me smile. Because what this question really means is, "Does she sleep through the night?" The answer is no. She does not sleep through the night. But does that make her a bad baby? No. She is a good baby. She's an amazing baby.

My baby Maryn is sweet. She holds my face in her hands. She rubs my chest as she nurses. She sits quietly on my lap and watches attentively.

My baby Maryn is curious, investigative, and smart. She wants to jump out of our arms to investigate things, especially the cat. She turns her toys in her hands staring at them with a puzzled look on her face. She stares at her hands for minutes at a time, folding them and unfolding them, turning them and tasting them.

My baby Maryn is active and energetic. She's hardly taken naps since the day she was born. She bounces, she jumps, she rolls both ways, she kicks and laughs in the water, and will kick so hard that she moves herself practically across the room when she lays on the floor.


Last night I slept without my baby Maryn, and was able to sleep with John for the first time in a very, very long time. I laid there for an hour, exhausted but wide awake, thinking about my baby Maryn, her past, her future, and how much I love her. I'm going to start letting her cry in her crib so she can begin sleeping in her bed. But the transition will be harder for me, as I try to fall asleep in the quiet, without the sweet lull of her breaths, without her little hand reaching out to be sure I'm still there.

I'm so glad I took a few months to sleep with my baby, but this phase is over now. And I'm going to be crying a lot in the next few days, I think.

Lots of Firsts!

Today we had Maryn's four months appointment, and Dr. Brown was surprised to see that Maryn already has some teeth popping through. We were also given the go-ahead to start giving her oatmeal (the dr. said she notices that rice cereal makes babies constipated). So we gave her oatmeal for lunch. She is in the 50th percentile in weight (13 lbs. 8 oz.), height and head circumference. In other words, she's perfect. Dr. Brown was also surprised to see that she is rolling over both ways and she definitely thinks we should get a jumper or exersaucer. We think a jumper would be best because she wants to BOUNCE. If you all have any suggestions, let me know!

On the way back from the doctor, we stopped at the park. The little boy I babysit played with the other 15 or so 2-5 year olds that were there. The park is amazing. I don't want to post pictures of any of the kids I watch, but the park has a place where kids can dig for "artifacts," a little ropes and climbing course, a little zip line, and some of the coolest equipment I've ever seen. I can't believe how cool playgrounds are getting.

We stopped at McDonald's on the way back. And the kids I watch actually ate their food. For once. Hmm.

And Maryn had her first ever swing in a bucket seat swing! She loved it! And she loves food! Here she is, being such a big girl.

I'm not sure about this!

I am so proud of my amazing self!

I think we need to bring a hat next time, Mommy...

No, you don't deserve a cookie!

I was convicted this morning as I had a conversation with myself in the bathroom. This week and last week I have found myself thinking, "I deserve..."

I deserve an oatmeal raisin cookie.
I deserve a little break.
I deserve an Oreo Blizzard.
I deserve some peace and quiet.

I think this must be one of the Lies Women Believe (which is a book I read last year by Nancy Leigh Demoss. It's very good. I recommend it.) And if you ever watch TV or flip through a magazine, you'll see ads that play into this lie. And they're usually aimed right towards women, especially moms. Because motherhood is a job that never quits, that never has a break, and no one can substitute for a mom. Not really. I'm finding that out as this teething thing continues. Maryn is often only soothed by me. Flattering, but exhausting.

Think about it. This is a lie that doesn't make sense. I think I deserve a cookie. What does a wealthier housewife think she deserves? A day at the spa. And wealthier? A trip to Aruba. And wealthier? So the wealthier deserve more? A cookie wouldn't have been good enough for the woman that thought she deserved a day at the spa.

Anyway. I deserve nothing but Hell. I don't deserve the cross. And neither does anyone else. Yet God, for some reason, chose to have mercy on me. And I feel ashamed that I even spent a few minutes this morning thinking about what I deserve.

I'd like to quote something here from my Bible reading today, but it won't make sense to take just a few verses. But I read about God's great mercy in Romans 11 today. It reminded me of Elijah, when he fell exhausted, weary and frightened. He had been so brave. He had done so much work! Far more than I have done in my entire lifetime.

Yet God told Elijah to arise and eat, to keep going.

A Day at the Bookstore

Today we went to the mall to do some much needed shopping. I'd been praying for some new jeans to come my way. I was hoping this would happen miraculously so that I would have some great story to share about how God provides for us, but John just handed over some money last night and told me to buy some. Well, that's not very miraculous! But I guess God isn't always a big show-off. So we went to Penney's because they always have the best sales on size 4 petites, and I found a pair on clearance. When we went to check out, the lady said, "Did you know if you get one clearance item, you get another one free?" Hot dog! So I got two pairs of jeans (that FIT!) for $16. Not bad, I'd say. God ended up showing off a bit anyway.

Then we spent our weekly two hours at our favorite store, Books-A-Million, which I highly recommend to all my Naples friends once again, and hope you'll all stop giving your money to the Christian bookstore. I'm still angry with them for not having any John Piper or John MacArthur books but having a stinking heap of Joel Osteen.

I bought the book about the Duggar family, which I have already mostly read during our bookstore visits. And we picked up a toy for Maryn. See our funny picture.

Now I'm going to say something I never thought I'd say. I'm thinking about homeschooling. I've noticed that private schools, at least in this area, are psychotic. I don't even care anymore if you're kid goes to FBA. I'm on enough people's bad sides anyway. That place is crazy. And public schools, which I greatly support, are still not that much better. Really, do I need to send my kids away for 7 hours every day? No. But Maryn is only 4 months old, so I'll just be praying about it for now. I was reading some books about homeschooling today at the bookstore. I still think it's a little weird, but I'm going to find out more.

She's growing too fast!

Maryn is grabbing so well now. The other thing she has discovered is throwing. That's a whole lot of fun. She's also rolling over like a champ in both directions, and scooting herself wherever she wants to go. She doesn't even like to be held much anymore. She wants to bounce, fly, jump, run...something. She isn't quite happy anywhere for long anymore because she wants to move, move, move. I think we're not supposed to put her in a bouncer or exersaucer until 6 months or something but we might get one sooner. Otherwise she's going to jump out of our arms one of these days.

The babysitting is going well, I'd say. Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings are nightmarish, but I keep reminding myself, if I can handle 5 hours of pushing (in labor), I can handle four hours of crying, time outs, and destruction of pretty much everything I own.

Other times are great, because the full time kids I have are wonderful. And the little one is potty training pretty well. We just started today and he went four times. Thanks to Kendra for the potty training tips!

John and I are both working too hard, but at least now he's not the only one. I know this is just a season of our lives we will get through, and believe it or not, there are blessings around every corner. Most of those blessings are from friends like some of YOU!

Tonight is DATE NIGHT with our sweet little Maryn. She's sweet until 8:00, which is when the teething nightmares begin. Ah, geez. Then I have to make cookies for our BLG tomorrow night. Then tomorrow I have to tutor my Haitian friends in English, get my last fitting for Alicia's wedding, and go to church. Shwew! Sunday will be cleaning day. But our house, remarkably, has stayed pretty clean. That's the good thing about having parents visit our house every morning and evening. I have to keep it at least semi-clean.

And to those of you who say you're too busy for church, for reading your Bible, etc: You're stupid, you're lying, and yes, it even makes me a little angry.

John just finished another book, Crazy Love, that he will be reviewing soon. And he's moved on to the book, Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Ted Tripp. It's the spanking book, courtesy of the Evans. Haha... spanking. Maryn? Honestly, if these kids I babysat were mine, I think I'd spend all day spanking. Let's hope Maryn is more obedient. Nothing irks me more than a kid who says, "no." Arrgghh.

Guest Blogger!

The following post is written by my very first guest blogger in the 6 + years I've been writing on this blog. Here is my husband, John's, review of the book Fool's Gold, which I also read (OK, I skimmed it), and I really benefited from it. So here you go.

Fool's Gold

Fool’s Gold – Discerning Truth in an Age of Error

John MacArthur - General Editor

This is the first book I have read this year with hopefully many more to come. I have decided to write reviews of the books that I have read for two reasons: to help me remember what it is that I have read, to let others know what I am reading and to give others ideas of things worth reading so here it goes.

This review ended up being quite long as each chapter addresses a separate topic therefore I have decided to break up the review into two posts.

This book is very useful to American Christians as it addresses several trends that have come about in the last few years in the Christian community. The chapters are written by a number of people who have knowledge or insight on the particular subjects covered. Some of the topics covered include The Purpose Driven Life, The New Perspective on Paul by NT Wright, Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, and Bible-zines (the New Testament in magazine format created for teens).

I don’t want to be dishonest in my admiration for MacArthur and his ministry. I think that most of what comes from his ministry is very biblically-based. The first two chapters I want to write about are chapters 2 and 3 (Plexiglas Preaching: The Devastating Consequences of a Watered-Down Message and A Sense of Purpose: Evaluating the Claims of The Purpose Driven Life) as I believe they are linked. In chapter two MacArthur takes a firm, controversial stand against what he sees as watered-down messages in the church:

“Proper biblical preaching should be systematic, expositional, theological, and God centered. Such preaching is in short supply these days. There are plenty of gifted communicators in the modern evangelical movement, but today’s sermons tend to be short homilies that massage people’s egos and focus on fairly insipid subjects like human relationships, “successful” living, emotional issues and other practical but worldly- and definitely not biblical- themes. Like the ubiquitous Plexiglas lecterns from which these messages are delivered, such preaching is lightweight and without substance, cheap and synthetic, leaving little more that as ephemeral impression on the minds of the hearers.”(p. 36)

While I do believe that some preaching can be topical and it should be applicable to the lives of the congregation, I would agree with his assessment that systematic and expositional preaching are in short supply in much of modern evangelicalism. The watering down of preaching has also crossed over to other forms and can been seen in the wildly popular book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. The chapter on this book, I think, correctly states that the 5 purposes given by Warren are very biblical concepts and should desired. However, it also correctly points out that Warren uses faulty hermeneutics to attach scripture to his points. The reviewer also states that the book seems to downplay attributes like holiness, wrath, and judgment while elevating love, kindness, and care.

Inauguration Day

I feel blessed and honored to see this day.

Here is a very good letter to the president by someone who can do a better job than I ever could writing at least some of what I feel:

Dear Mr. President

Success!

Saturday Maryn rolled over for the first time, back to belly. Now she likes to do this in her bouncy seat:
Today was my first day of earning money once again. Maryn and I woke up at 6 to read, eat and prepare. The three kids, ages 2 1/2, 3 and 4 came at 8. The day went very well, very smoothly. Partly because John got home at 10:30, but I think the at-home day care was a good career choice.

The morning was intense, with a preschool-like schedule, but the afternoon was laid back with lots of outside and inside free time, some Candyland, a movie, some arts and crafts. We made maracas. But I still managed to do a load of diapers and kept the downstairs clean. See, John? We can have four kids. No problem!

OK, so at least I didn't have to deal with baths. Or grocery shopping. All of that. Still, I am happy with it. It's not like it doesn't take a lot of prep and a lot of self-discipline. Maryn actually slept a lot. I think the kids wore her out.

Yesterday Maryn and I went to Alicia's bridal shower. Maryn wore her pink tutu. Here she is dancing with daddy.


With Auntie Alicia:


And playing with her feet:



I hope Maryn doesn't grow up to be one of those kids that only eats macaroni and cheese and butter noodles. I really hope John and I have the gumption to say, "If you don't eat dinner, you can just wait for breakfast tomorrow!" We shall see... I'm certainly not judging anyone. I've already done lots of things I thought I'd never do. For now, however, the kids I am babysitting will be eating a lot of PB & J and applesauce.

Cloth Diapering

Call it an obsession, here is my story of cloth diapering so far, only because some of you are or could be interested, some of you do it yourselves, and some of you think it sounds crazy. If you think it's crazy, I hope you'll change your mind and try it yourself or encourage other moms to try it.

Why and How I Got Started

Long before Maryn was born, I had heard the most about cloth diapering from my friend Kendra. Kendra is my organic-farming, food co-opping, strict budgeting friend who seems just the type to use cloth diapers. You probably know what I mean. So, although she'sa great friend, I didn't take her too seriously. Sorry, Kendra.

Then my friends Debbie and Michele started talking about it, trying to convince me how easy it is and all that. Debbie was the one that convinced me because she said the ONLY reason she did it was to prevent diaper rash on Chloe's sensitive little bottom. Once she started, she was shocked at how easy and cheap it was.

But I still didn't take her seriously at first. Until Maryn was born and we zipped through two packages of diapers in two weeks. They were smelly, they leaked, and I couldn't believe the amount of trash they produced. Then, we had to buy a pack of diapers ourselves. Oh, the agony. No way could we afford to spend so much on something that would just be thrown away.

So I contacted Michele (her link is here on the side of my page), who is a cloth diapering genius and she educated me on the whole process, and how to get started. She directed me to this site: Cotton Babies

We bought 12 bumgenius diapers to start. There are cheaper brands out there, but based on some feedback from friends, I decided to go with bumgenius. Here's what they look like, the outer diaper and the inner liner. They adjust to the size of the baby as well and supposedly fit them until they're like, 35 pounds or something.


How it Worked and How it's Going

I loved the diapers from the beginning. The first few weeks were a little difficult as I couldn't quite remember to start the washer and put the diapers in the dryer as directed. So it took a little longer than it does now. It's a very easy process. When Michele told me all I would have to do, I thought it would be a huge challenge, but it's not. I actually get a weird high from doing it, and can get all the diapers washed and dried in no time at all.

So, it's still going well. We still haven't hung a clothes line, but with only 12 diapers, I need to get them in and out of the washer and dryer fast. I do them almost every other day. This is why you should get 24 of them, or at least 18. But they were expensive, so we went with 12 just to start.

Now we have embarked upon cloth wipes. This is also after the encouragement of my friends Michele and Kendra. You can also learn how to make disposable wipes from my friend Teri, who just posted a great blog on how to make them. You can find her link on the side of my page as well.

Cloth wipes sounded insane to me at first, too. We haven't had to buy wipes for Maryn yet because my friend Alicia bought us about 100 million of them. But we're running out, and the price tag on those things is a little steep. Plus, it doesn't really make sense to use disposable wipes.

When you change the cloth diaper, you have to separate the liner and the outside of the diaper and put them both in the diaper pail. Then you also have to either throw away the wipe or flush it. This is a pain and a wipe always ends up running through the washer, which can cause a mess. And, the wipes can also clog your toilet, which I learned the hard way. So why not just use a cloth wipe and throw it right in there with the diaper?

Today I made a simple solution for my cloth wipes (which were so graciously given to me by Michele). They're just baby wash cloths, and you can use any little cloths you want. Simple enough. The solution I used contained:

about two tablespoons of baby wash
about two tablespoons of olive oil
and about a tablespoon of vinegar, which helps prevent diaper rash and I've found works miracles in just about every way.
about three cups of water

I soaked the wash cloths in this solution, wrung them out and placed them in a diaper warmer. I received the diaper warmer as a gift back in May, and hadn't quite understood what to do with it. I'm glad I didn't return it, because it seems to be working wonders.



Now I can wipe Maryn's cute little bottom with a warm, soft wipe that doesn't contain any wack-o chemicals for a very, insanely low price. And I think I'll continue buying the regular wipes for trips, for church, for cleaning off Maryn in a state of emergency, etc.

Here she is playing with the bag for dirty diapers (gross, what kind of mom am I?) that goes in her diaper bag. I just wash it right along with the diapers. This is her new downstairs changing station, away from the moldy living room. :)

Just imagine all the laundry you're going to do for your little ones as they grow up. You might as well start early and do the extra washing of diapers, right? It is well worth the time, you'll save a lot of money, and you'll save A LOT of room in the landfills.

It has begun...

Amanda, May 2008 (before Maryn was born): I'm not going to let my baby watch TV! What kind of parent do you think I am?

Amanda, January 2009 (Maryn at 3 months): I bet Maryn would love Sleeping Beauty! And I might actually get some cleaning done!


Sleeping Beauty is my all time favorite movie. Here's Maryn watching one of my favorite parts, where Maleficent appears for the first time. "And to show I bear you no ill will, I too, shall bestow a gift on the child...the princess shall indeed, grow in grace and beauty, be loved by all who know her...BUT..." Ah, I love it.

I met the two kids that I will be caring for full time today. They are absolute sweethearts. Of course I know they'll have their moments and need to be disciplined at times, but I'm so grateful they seem like great kids. I'll be watching them from 8-6 every weekday for a very low price, so praise God they're well-behaved.

I posted some new pictures of Maryn on my Facebook page for those that are interested.

Thank you all so much for your prayers concerning my in-home day care. Please continue to pray that it goes extremely well so that I can stay home with Maryn for as long as possible. I mean, who could leave this cute little face?

It's about to get busy around here!

In a streak of desperation, I went through all the emails I've received from those interested in child care, and significantly lowered my rates. Today I have several parents visiting, some for part-time care and one for full-time. I'm cleaning like crazy and a little bit nervous.

JOHN left the floor dryer down here so now the parents will be suspicious of our flooding and may be on the lookout for mold. Aggh!

So I'll probably be caring for a few kids for pretty close to nothing. I'm trying to look at it as a ministry with an extra bonus. But it sounds like our rent may get taken care of, which is what we need.

Maryn has had a brain/motor skills spurt and is suddenly very good at grabbing things. She grabs my face and pulls me in for kisses. It's so cute. And then she grabs my hair, my necklaces, my earrings, and John's arm hair. That's not so cute.

I'll try to get a picture of her grabbing her big stuffed frog for a kiss. It's adorable. You might think it's weird, but I think it's perfect.

Monday Surprise

Here is a picture of Maryn trying to roll over. We lay her on her side and try to get her to roll to her back as a way for her to see how it's done. She has come close to rolling belly to back but isn't quite there yet. I think she's actually closer to rolling from her back to her belly. We'll see!

She has a certain "hunger cry," that goes like this: "MaaaaMaaaaa...." It COULD just be us, thinking our child is a genius, but really, that is what she does when she's hungry. Anyway, she IS a genius. So that explains it.

I'm still feeling like a lost puzzle piece. You know, one of the big preschooler pieces that got mixed up in Grandpa's 1000 piece puzzle. Too big to fit anywhere, or maybe too small. So much I want to do, so much that I don't but must, or should, or think maybe I'm supposed to, or maybe I'm not.

But God is introducing people to me that make me feel not so confused, not so lost, not so abnormal. I am really grateful, because I know I don't deserve them. Thank you, friends. :)

Today is diaper washing day. Which is pretty much every other day. We're looking for some very cheap wash cloths to use as diaper wipes as well. I know that sounds really crazy, but it makes sense once you've been using cloth diapers for a while. We haven't even bought any disposable wipes yet. We got so many at our baby shower (mostly Alicia and her mom's doing). So now that we're almost out, we're looking for cloth. If you know where I could find cheap wash cloths (kind of like the little cloths you'd find at a hardware store), let me know! I may check out Lowe's today.

Maryn spent a full TWO hours in the nursery last night while John and I attended a lecture by our Senior Pastor. It was so good for me to be able to just sit and absorb some real knowledge and wisdom from a real person not on a podcast, not on TV, with my full attention. I actually left early because I thought for sure my pager wasn't working. But I found Maryn in the arms of the lady running the nursery, happy as could be.

Growing (or backsliding, whatever you want to think)

I have been bombarded lately with theology. My husband is to blame, mostly. In a good way. There has also been the challenge of friends. Friends who agree with what I believe and friends who do not. At first, this was frustrating to me. I know what I believe, and I know why, mostly. I know my beliefs are rooted in the Bible. But I usually can't defend my beliefs verbally.

On Tim Challies' site today, he asked, "What is the greatest hindrance to the gospel today?" And my mind immediately thought of all this theology. Calvinism. Doctrine. Eschatology. Arminianism (or whatever that word is), Soteriology. What really matters here? What matters in all of this madness? Am I letting all this theology stand in the way of what really matters? Am I studying Calvinism and that other thing, Arminianism, when I should be out there, sharing my faith? Doing something?

Challies puts it very simply:

From my human perspective, I am the greatest hindrance to the gospel. But the Bible tells me to look higher. It tells me with glorious clarity that nothing, no one, is able to hinder the gospel. It tells me to place my confidence in the God whose plans cannot be stopped. My lack of confidence in the gospel, my indifference to it, and my unfaithfulness in spreading it, cannot truly hinder the work of God. God reigns supreme over all.

his dominion is an everlasting dominion,

and his kingdom endures from generation to generation;

all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing,

and he does according to his will among the host of heaven

and among the inhabitants of the earth;

and none can stay his hand

or say to him, “What have you done?” (Daniel 4:34b-35)

Not one person who truly seeks after God will be hindered from embracing Christ as Lord and Savior. Christ, the Good Shepherd, has sent His Spirit to gather a people to himself. Christ knows his own and his own know him. He will draw them to himself and not one will be lost; not one can be lost. Far be it from me to think that I can stand in the way of God, the Creator and Sustainer of all that was and is and ever will be.

This doesn't mean I'm some "hyper-Calvinist" and don't believe in sharing the gospel, but I constantly need to be reminded of my humanity. My pride constantly needs to be shut down. Because no matter what I do, God truly doesn't need me. And the moment I forget that, I have fallen into pride. God is sovereign. His will reigns supreme. Shame on me for thinking I could be any hindrance.

Links

I have updated some of my links and thought I'd draw your attention to some of them, as some of them are very good.

My favorite blog is still Tim Challies'. John recently discovered that he has a site full of book reviews as well at discerningreader.com. We've found this site very useful.

I've been reading the GirlTalk blog off and on for a while now because Michele is always mentioning it in her blog. A lot of you ladies would LOVE this blog. It has ideas for family nights, home schooling, things very relevant to women. Refreshing for me since my husband is always having me read man stuff. Borrr-ing. Just kidding, John :)

And, stupid me, I just realized the authors of the GirlTalk blog are C.J. Mahaney's wife and daughters. John has been reading and loves his blog, which I've linked on the side here. I've also linked the ministry Mahaney leads, Sovereign Grace Ministries.

Carolyn and CJ Mahaney have written books as well, which are all reviewed and recommended on the DiscerningReader.com page.

Thank you, John and Michele, for some great blog links! I may be posting a more entertaining (Maryn) blog later. But in the meantime, I think you should check out some of those links!

Bumbo Baby

Thanks to teething, Maryn has developed a whole new, high-pitched yell that is pretty funny and at the same time horrifying. She now uses it when she's happy, too. I admit that I did pray for a cute baby, but I also prayed for a baby that didn't have an ear-piercing cry. Well, I guess God didn't want to give me a break with that one. Maybe that's why He gave her a double dose of cuteness.

We bought a Bumbo, courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa Stiles' Christmas money. She loves it. She can't sit in it for too long, but it allows me to sit her in new places while I get things done. It's probably a big no-no, but here she is on the kitchen counter while I prepare my breakfast.


In other news, some people in our neighborhood have hired a lawyer since the builders are not upholding their contracts so very well. We're still going to fight paying the plumbing bill, and hoping they don't hold us responsible for other issues around the house that we have reported but haven't been fixed (like the shower that is leaking through the kitchen ceiling).

I still haven't found children to care for, but I was hoping that, if any of you Naples folks are out thrift or yard sale shopping, and you spot any of these items for a very good price, will you please let me know? I feel as though I need a better outdoor play area. Hopefully John will get some of the junk out of our garage soon...

wagon
sand/water table
small bikes and tricycles, riding toys, etc. (for ages 2-5)
small bookshelves (that wouldn't rise above a 3 year old's head)
a child size picnic table or other type of outdoor table, big enough for eating
plastic children's pool (not inflatable)

friends!

Maryn's only comfort lately has been to nurse. So here I am, typing with one hand, hoping to give you your daily dose of Amanda-isms. We had a great day. I was able to clean the entire house, and wash and fold laundry and diapers yesterday, so it was a stress free day for me. Much needed. John has no idea how grateful I am to have our "Spare Oom" clean. Thank you for that, sweet husband!

So we walked with our friends, Stacie and London this morning. London was born two days before Maryn, so they have lots in common...but hardly talk to each other. :)

Then we visited our friends Erin and Hope. Hope is two weeks older than Maryn. I held precious little Hopie when she was one day old on my due date, hoping she would encourage Maryn to come on out. Now I'm hoping Hope will encourage Maryn to sleep through the night!

Here is a picture of the two friends having a good old time. And one of her with her presents on Christmas Eve.

I stepped in dog poop this morning. It was so bad I had to wash my shoes in the washer. As if my life doesn't already have enough poop in it!

I should mention here, because I've had a few ask, that it is not the cloth diapers that are leaking. It's the disposables. And we have moved up to size 2 which is helping, but the cloth diapers are amazing. I know it seems sick and weird, but I kind of love washing the diapers. It feels good to know I'm working hard to save my family some money and doing something for the earth as well. Plus, it seems to be better for Maryn's little bottom. Her cute little butt. So adorable. :)

Ruff, ruff!

I feel like a labrador. I just can't get enough to eat lately.

Sorry I haven't posted any pictures lately. We're still trying to figure out how to do that on this new computer.

Everything's Going to be All Right

Mmhh it feels so good to be typing away on our new little laptop while John watches TV and Maryn bounces away. I love multi-tasking.

God has been teaching me so much lately.

When our computer died, when the landlord said we'd have to pay for all repairs to our flooded house, and since I've heard nothing from anyone about babysitting...I actually walked through our house and thought about what we could possibly sell.

But none of our possessions are really worth anything. We have a lot of STUFF. Worthless stuff.

So why do I struggle with jealousy at the possessions of others? Because I really don't want more. And I know that life isn't easy for anyone, and I am grateful for all that I have, especially my friends and family.

So why do we live here? Away from people that are closest to my heart? Just because we have jobs here. Because we have money here. Does God even want us here? These are all questions I've been asking myself. I don't have the answers, but I know it will all be OK.

...And now our living room, dining room, and hallway are flooded. We think a pipe broke or something. So we turned off our water.

Grateful for the important things :)

Today I woke up to a beautiful, smiling baby reaching out for me.

Today I took a shower with a beautiful, smiling baby waiting patiently, laughing at the sound of the water raining down.

Today I read my Bible while bouncing a beautiful, smiling baby, who was between wakefulness and sleep.

Today I sang Jesus Loves Me to a beautiful, smiling baby for the hundredth time. And "we" prayed out loud together, her coos chiming in cheerfully.

Today I ate breakfast with a beautiful, smiling baby staring at my food and a sweet, furry cat pawing at me for attention.

Today I posted more ads for child care and tutoring as I fed my beautiful, smiling baby, hoping I won't have to leave her anytime soon.

So I guess that all makes up for the other things that have already happened today:

another poop explosion all over me, the baby, and her new pajamas
a pee leak all over the baby and the floor
a completely overflown toilet
a completely wet bathroom floor I have no idea how to clean
a lost prescription and a doctor's phone number that isn't working