When I was little, I thought I could have a pony because we had a shed in our backyard and a little bit of grass.

When I was little, I thought that I could build a tree house in the crabapple tree. I nailed a board to a branch and tied it there with some rope to help keep it secure. I sat up there one day and that was about it.

When I was little, I thought the neighbor boy and I would get married even though he chased my cat with a stick.

When I was little, I would pretend I brushed my teeth but actually faked it.

When I was little, I cried because my friend wanted to play nursing home and I didn't. I didn't want to play because I saw nursing homes as places where people die and she saw nursing homes as places where she'd never been but looked nice and like a "fun" place to work.

And not much has changed since then.

Well, today was really, reeeeally good until about 11:00 when I had to start studying for this one stupid class. The professor decided to have a huge test and a portfolio due on Wednesday, which is like five days away from our final exam and three days away from exam week. What a bunch of crap. I have so much to do, and it's not that I think it won't get done, because it will, but I really feel like I'm just wasting so much of my life sitting here at my stupid, stupid desk doing stuff that I'm not even going to remember or use in my entire life and it is so, so nice outside! It just makes me really bitter, and I'm trying so hard to be in a good mood, like I was this morning, but I can't find it :-(

I had a meeting about New Zealand today! I am so excited! :) If you're bored enough, go here: http://www.vnz.co.nz/photos/

Hi! The trip to Columbus was grrrreat! We ended up going to the Turkish restaurant, which is called "Cafe Istanbul." I highly recommend it! I got the regular shish kabob, which is lamb. I've never had lamb, but I liked it a lot. And it wasn't on a stick. That was kind of disappointing. John got a chicken kabob, and I must say, it was better than mine. However, if you haven't ever tried lamb, you definitely should. The bread was really good, too. The service was excellent. They were sooo nice! And I think they really were all Turkish. At least they were definitely something other than American, but it coulda been Indian for all I know. I really don't know how to tell what nationality a person is. The people at the table behind us were all speaking some other language that definitely was not french. That's the only language I can tell from English, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't Spanish or German or Italian, either. I wonder if it was Turkish. I don't think that's a language. We also went to Vineyard, which is a church...a huge church...in Columbus, to their college service on Sunday nights. Way awesome, it was. I highly recommend that, too. I also recommend the massage chair at Sharper Image, which is a store at Easton. And I don't recommend the teriyaki chicken sandwich at Subway, because although it is good, it's NOT as good as the spicy italian! So there!

I'm sad right now because I ate a cookie and now I feel sick. I hate my stomach. I can't EAT ANYTHING!!!! Grrr!

Hi! I'm in the Gateway store right now at Easton and we are looking at laptop computers. So Mom, for future reference, I would like the 200 Series Notebook. It costs a little over 2000 dollars :) hehehehehe Okay, bye!

Darkness

Ransomed from darkness, not with the
Silver of my ancestors, tarnished and worn, or
Gold so lovely thrown to the ground, but
Something imperishable, something pure and holy enough to
Purify me for no cost, for nothing at all.
Trusting in this grace should be so simple.
Raised from a cold, sealed grave, He showed us all his
Glory and holiness. He chose to spend His life with us,
To bear the nails for us, to hang on a tree for us,
To experience separation from His Father for us,
So we could have a part of Him in our hearts
Eternally.
Faith should abound!
Hope should flourish and
Love should overflow!
But it doesn't.
Because we forget so often, too much.
We were called into His marvelous light!
Why do we choose darkness?

Dude, God is so awesome! What is wrong with us?


Okay, so I am going to Columbus today, yay! I feel like Esther, because I've gone through so many preparations. We had a big fingernail painting/manicure party lastnight. So fun :) And the other day I did the same thing to my feet. I've had my clothes picked out since Monday!

Wow! This weekend is super great! I am NOT thinking about all the stuff I have to do, either. I'm really not. The most stressful thing in my life right now is the fact that my printer is out of ink and I am out of printer paper as well. This happens during EVERY exam week for me, so I'm not surprised. It's so stupid. And my color ink that I bought for 30 dollars last month is not even working. How schisty is that? Anyway, I'm not going to think about that now, because we are going to Muskiepalooza...how exciting! Too bad I won't be able to do the obstacle course and jousting again due to my rib being out of place for so long...and that obstacle course is the bomb, I tell ya.

We just got back from making gnoccis at Kendra's house for her wedding. It was pretty cool and I just love her family. I want to adopt her aunt Lisa as my cousin or something cuz she is way cute and cool and she likes cats a lot and she's where I got MY kitty, Mozie from! Yay!

Jeff: Your response to me from your online diary is very, very sad. I usually don't have problems with "letting people go" but I just don't think "letting go" of you and Winey will be too terribly easy. I really did think that we'd be in our 40's still going to the mall and the art museum and Chicago and CW's together. Hey, it could happen. I'd drive from Utah or Colorado or Africa just to see you two... Well, maybe fly from Africa... Our kids could be best friends. Hahaha my kids are going to be little snobs and Winey's will be the kind to sit and play video games or something and yours, well yours will be little hyperactive velociraptor children. Whatever the case, all of our kids are sure to be very creative.

Tomorrow is the big day in Columbus and I'm pretty excited about that. I think we're going to go to a Turkish restaurant or a Japanese restaurant, but I can't decide, so please cast your votes in the comments section!!!

Well, I was just about to go to bed lastnight at midnight and thought I'd stop downstairs to check up on my girls, Kendra and Lindsay, to chat and stuff. Sure 'nuff, we did stay up until 3:00 involved in some serious girl talk (a.k.a. gossiping and talking about guys). We went to Dairy Mart and got chocolate. We got locked out of the house and all three of us climbed in through the window. I ate a bag of Reese's pieces and a Twix peanut butter candy bar around 1 am and some Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies later. I slept extremely well, and while I don't feel rested, I sure do feel great :) Thanks, girls, I love ya!

THIS is what Jeff was talking about:

Some of the best times were spent with Jeff and Winey. They came to her school to visit her. They went to the mall and the art museum together. They talked about music she had never heard and forced her to listen to songs like, “Don’t Judge a Man By the Hair on His Butt.” It was those things she hated that made her love them like she did. They would wear their skateboarder/punk clothes (the kind she always wanted to wear, minus the pink platinum leather bag) and talk to her about Jesus and how she needed a guy better than the one she was dating, no matter who he was.

I think the comments section of my online diary is a whole lot more entertaining than the diary part, which is a little discouraging. :) Maybe I'm just bitter that I didn't get into the First Circle this year, which is Muskingum College's ever-so-famous literary magazine. I don't understand how I can get two poems in my freshman year but none my sophomore or junior years. I wonder if I'm losing my touch. A lot of the poetry in there is quite boring and very unoriginal, but oh well. Nathaniel Hawthorne couldn't get anything published either and he only had like one popular book, and look, everyone knows Nathaniel Hawthorne, and then there's people like Washington Irving who write the most boring things in the world and they get published somehow and their stuff becomes classic, like Rip Van Winkle and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow--two stories that really aren't all they're cracked up to be.

So no luck in the job search for me, but I'm praying God works his miracles and decides to be nice and put me somewhere that doesn't make me cry every day AND pays well :) Hahaha....riiiight. Choices are limited in the child care field. *Sigh*

Here's an excerpt from my novel. I figure I might as well share with you all since no one else will ever read it :) But I'm warning you...don't be offended!

Showers could be scary. Every time, Marie would somehow manage to get shampoo in her eyes. She decided it was because she was so short that the water, instead of spraying down on her head, would spray over her head, forcing soapy water to stream into her eyes. This is the reason Marie always had a towel over the shower door. Ten minutes of every shower consisted of Marie rubbing her eyes into her towel, tears streaming down her face. It did not help that Marie used a special mint tea-tree shampoo. It was like putting Listerine on her eyeballs.
Showers were a very special part of the day. Alone time, surrounded by whiteness. Ritualistic purification.
Most people sing in the shower. Marie could not sing, but she sang in her head and even mouthed or whispered the words, just like she did to the radio. Silence was a gift, she thought. Sometimes, it was nice to listen to a song and not hear other people sing along. Sometimes it was nice not to have one of her friends screw up a perfectly good song with their obnoxious voices, trying to prove how many songs they knew or how well they could sing. Marie would purposely play punk music that none of her girl friends liked for this very reason. Just so they would shut up.

Yeah, so on Sunday, you woulda thought I was Tammy Faye Baker cuz I was sayin' "PRAISE THE LORD!" repeatedly after finding my clothes! What a freakin' answer to prayer, I tell ya. God is way awesome. :) Through this experience he taught me several things, such as I am way too flipped out about clothes AND you CAN make it through a couple months with only one pair of jeans! Yes, it can be done!!!!

Hello! Amanda is back in the game, ready to conquer the world! This weekend God certainly used to rejuvinate me...the zoo and the chiropractor's, afterall, are two of the most "rejuvinating" places on earth, and lots of alone time with God is definitely the best of the three. Is "juvinate" a word? Or it always just RE-juvinate? I'll have to research this before I teach any students about prefixes. Anyway, I have no idea how I will get all my homework done but...no worries, no worries.

Advice for the day: Don't drink alcohol when you're depressed! :)

Attention all Muskies: I will not be returning to school today. I repeat: I WILL NOT be returning to school today, the 20th of April, due to severe back injury! Okay, not really severe, but it hurts, and I need to get it fixed before exams...you know that is. So pray for me and I'll see ya later on Monday!

Love ya'll and have a great Easter!!!

The zoo was great! We went through it twice, actually, rainforest and all. It's very interesting getting to know someone, you know, learning all their quirks and character traits, what bothers them, what makes them happy and such. Fun stuff!

~ peace be with you all and goodnight ~

I'm going to the zoo tomorrow! I cleaned out the car, my room, and went on a three mile walk with the dog :) I like sloppy joes a lot, too.

Well, well, well, hello there everybody. I am now at home, sitting down, praise God. I worked from 7 am this morning until 6 this evening with the preschoolers and school-agers and lemme tell ya, preschoolers have go to be some of the most annoying little things in the world. Not that I don't love them and think they're absolutely delightful, but after a four-year-old has been in school for more than five hours, they get a little..."restless." Synonyms for this "restlessness" may include: whiny, tattle-tailing, mean, ornery, petty, and bratty. Anyway, their conversations were interesting...

Today, the Barbies were giving birth. And guess what? News just in: Babies can talk when they are first born. Here are some of the things they say, according to 4 and 5 year olds:

"Mommy, I have blood all over me!"
"Mommy, get this stuff outta my mouth!"

Hmmm...I don't know.

One of the most exciting things about coming home is checking my email on my AOL account. It is always full and jam-packed with fun. There's always at least two on how to enlarge my penis. I think they know my interests somehow as well (but not my sex, obviously) because I always get emails from Pastors about webcams, penis enlargements, and sex toys. They seem to think that if I get an email from a Pastor, that I'll ignore the subject heading and open the email. Intelligence. Such intelligence.

Bad News: Looks like the Muslims will prevent me from going to Africa next Spring. :-(

Good News: Looks like I might go to New Zealand instead! :-)

Good News: Another girl from Muskingum is going there as well, which will make it a lot easier. :-)

Strange News: I might actually not be a student at Muskingum next Spring because I may "transfer" to the University of Minnesota...but I'll be in New Zealand, not Minnesota, and their tuition is only 3,000 dollars. Cool deal, huh? ???

Good News: I'm getting tan!

Good News: I'll be DONE with college next March! Yay for Mandi Lu!

Hi :) It is another wonderful, happy, happy day. I spent two hours in the kindergarten, said my goodbyes, and then sat outside and did nothing in the sun :) It was quite enjoyable and TOMORROW I plan on starting my workout plan again. Now, I realize I've been saying this since last week but tomorrow I'm really going to do it! Or not... We'll see if I find an excuse. I have to work on a group presentation at 9:30 tonight. Won't that be fun? I am really bad at group things. I'd be happy if all my group members said "You can do it yourself, Amanda." Besides, at 9:30 at night, I know I won't be much of a leader, and when I'm not a leader, I take the role of "distractor." Mwahahahaha!

So I have class tonight from 5:30-8:30 but I also have a employee meeting at 5:30 and a required speaker at 7. How is that going to work? Good question! I'll also miss Susan's cycle play. And Bible study is from 8:30 to 9:30.... Why, may I ask, do things pile up that way? The answer: procrastination, disorganized professors, disorganized directors, and irresponsible college students.

Okay, so here are the items of clothing that have vanished from my closet/dresser drawers:

1. Abercrombie jeans
2. Calvin Klein jeans
3. Yellow button up shirt
4. Long sleeve AE pink top
5. Camp Wanake sweatshirt

If you can find these items, I promise you I'll give a reward. These are some of my favorite clothes! GRRR!


"The result of faulty human perception frequently leads to the establishment of goals that are off target and unproductive in the things that truly matter for eternity.


In sharp contrast, the wisdom given by the Holy Spirit yields clarity and precision. It leads to an expansion of ability, a righteous perspective, and the establishment of goals that are focused and productive, and that are centered on the most important things of eternal benefit."


-Charles Stanley from the book "Walking Wisely"

I'm still pretty excited about my awesome day yesterday because I know things are going to start turning around here. I've been so lazy with things...I was just so absorbed in things having to do with ME that I was forgetting to work a little harder on my friendships...but relationships (with the opposite sex, you know) take a lot of time and a lot of energy and a lot of work and they also tend to take up a lot of thought. So now that HE is out of the way I can get back to work and eventually, obviously, because not all relationships are horrible and not ALL boys are the spawn of Satan, I'll meet a nice guy and that will be wonderful and it won't be like that at all and I'll still give as much to God as I do when I'm single and I know this is a very long and confusing sentence in which I said things that are crazy and will most likely receive strange comments that condemn me but oh well (I was kidding about spawn of Satan). So yes, I plan on breaking down some walls that have been built up in the past year or so and get over my petty little fears of talking about things and talking to certain people.

I just feel so excited. I don't know what for or why.

Guess what? I haven't eaten french fries in over a week!!!!! Is that awesome or what? I think I'll go for another week without them. I'll just make up for their loss with more cookies :-D

Oh and please don't respond to this entry with things that say how I'll meet some great guy and then it'll mention something about "time" and "knowing" and "love" and all that because I am REALLY sick of hearing that stuff. It's really not helpful and really is very unoriginal so please withhold those comments. Comments like that make me want to take off the comments option. If I wanted to hear stuff like that, I would just read some Lord Tennyson. And this entry isn't even about stuff like that, it's about turning things around. Okay that was long. Heeheehee :) Sorry!

Okay, I'm better now!!! Sometimes I tend to focus a little too much on life and forget to focus on God. Life? Pshhh. Today is an awesome day...it's beautiful, for one thing, and I even got to play football with my girls Veronica, Kari, and Lindsay. Go us! I could have done that all day but now I have another crappy academic thing to do (they should take us outside for some exercise cuz I'm thinking a lot of these smart people don't get much of it) and then I gotta write a paper and clean the floors and do laundry and blah blah blah. I can't wait till Easter. I might even go to the zoo this weekend, which is definitely one of my favorite places. :) Church was so awesome, I love it when they say things you've heard but you hear it a different way and think "Wow, I never thought of it that way!" Yay!

I think I have a little disorder known as ADHD. I can't do my school work at all. I just can't do it. My mom's going to call me and ask me if "I'm okay" after I write this entry, and I AM OKAY but I just HATE doing my work! I love the field experience and making the little games I've been making for my reading diagnostic kit, but I HATE studying and writing papers lately. It's just so stupid. Really, I'm not learning anything in these classes and I'm dead serious about that. I got a 60 percent on a paper and I have NO desire to hand it in again, which the professor has given me the option of doing, and I got an 80 on a test in a class that SHOULD be an easy A, according to me. Because you know what? Excuse me, but I am going to be a DAMN GOOD TEACHER and I SHOULD have all A's in ALL my education classes but our professors give us CRAP tests, they have no organization, they do NOT EVER give clear directions and then they wonder why all the students get 60 percents on papers! Education is known as an easy major, and it IS but our professors are idiots!!! And THEN I go to these stupid awards assemblies that make me feel stupid, not smart, where most the REALLY smart people are the ones that stay in their rooms and study 90% of the time, so what about those of us who have three-point-sixes but do lots of other things? Okay, okay, so I'm not president of student council and well, I'm not really anything important, but I DO do a lot, it's just not stuff that has titles and all that crap. So I'm sitting there during this academic awards thing feeling stupid because I have a 3.6 cumulative GPA. Now I'm sorry, but a 3.6 IS actually pretty good, I think, and I shouldn't feel stupid! But for some reason I do and I shouldn't want recognition, and I don't.......................but some money suuuure would be nice. :) I feel so incredibly poor right now I could cry. And I bought a hat yesterday. Well, it was five dollars, and you know, my mother always said that if you think about it after you walk away and can't get it out of your head, you should buy it. So I did.

So good things that have happened lately? Oh yes, there are so many!

1. Sharon's Birthday...awesome. I love Sharon so much I could cry. I'm serious, she lights up every room. I made her Sharon and Amanda puppets with moveable arms and legs. It's really cute. I also made her a "Today I Feel..." spinner thing. We ate at Olive Garden. I ate so much.
2. Today I got to be a part of Kendra and Richard's new lives together :) How beautiful!
3. Precious is way cool.
4. Chelsea, my darling 3rd grader who really DOES have ADHD who finally passed her 2's times tables. Shwew. I cried. Well, I teared up...a lot. It was so emotional. I don't know but I really, really was SO freakin happy for that girl.
5. For awhile, I thought my trip to Africa might not be possible...but I think it's going to work, and if God wants it, it will, so I'm not so worried :)
6. Kari took me to dinner at Bob Evans and I had biscuits and gravy. Way to go, Kari!!!! I love you!
7. The 16 little hugs I get every time I leave the kindergartners. :-)
8. God is way awesome, and I'm so glad that I can go to everyday at any time of day. Isn't that cool? Our Heavenly Father, always there to listen to us. :) I really hope he fills me with something soon because I'm feeling kinda empty right now. Grrr.